Opening Up your Heart

Had a great day with the lovelies and my girls.  Katie Begley took our family pictures this morning at the capital (capitol? I can never remember), and the lovelies were in rare form.  This year, there won't be many with just the 4 women...now there are 2 more.  And it just seemed weird, not to have them in there.  My little  asian lovelies.

It's been a week now, since I've had both kids.  Every day the ice breaks a bit more and more.  There has been a consistent rule in this house that lovely only gets to talk to mom once a day.

After seeing the dynamic at the family visitation yesterday, I've decided to relax that rule.  In doing that, I have earned even more of Lovely's trust.

She opened up to me today, and let me see her heart and hear her fears.  I had to prompt her to be honest, and I don't think that comes easily for her.  Instead of seeing a smart mouth pre-teen, I saw a hurt little girl, just needing answers about why her life is in chaos, and why she can't have the family she deserves and wants.

I felt my eyes well with tears many times during our visit, and once or twice a tear would escape and make it's way down my cheek.

It's not fair.

Not fair.

I didn't offer much, just listened, and listened, and listened, until I wanted to scream, "I CAN"T HEAR ANY MORE.  GOD WHY OH WHY?", but instead I just loved her and asked more questions, until her face looked like an 11 year old again, and I told her, that all I want in the world is for her family to be reunited, and I want to help all of them achieve that goal.

So tonight, I have a new friend.  She's been making baby steps all week, but today was a giant leap.  Tonight was the first time she sought me for a hug.  Unfortunately she is a strong little sucker and I think I have a pneumothorax, but it's all good.   LB has been hugging me and calling me his best friend all week.  Though Lovely will comment, she hasn't been very forthcoming with hugs or affection, and I haven't pushed it AT ALL.  She watches LB lay on me on the couch, and attach himself to me everywhere we go, and  I wondered if she was ever going to get to that point, not holding much hope.    Tonight, though  it's all her attached to me, and I'm amazed at God's goodness.

I'm still working that puzzle.  Some pieces fall right into place, and some have to be moved and tried and turned and set aside and returned to another time.  But the beautiful thing about a puzzle, finally, it will all come together.  Just work and never give up.

                                                                          It's all worth it.