I was sharing with mom the other night, about how I feel a shelter for foster children would be. I told her to imagine 95 Lovelies, all angry, all scared, piled in one place.
Put 5-6 adults in there, most of them grossly underpaid, some of them not the best choice for the job, but due to the money in the position, it's really all that will take the job.
Throw them in a mix, and you have the Foster care shelter that my lovelies were in.
I think of the layers of pain that the children have to suffer, and I wanted to look at that.
The first layer, that you immediately see, is the lack of clothes for your foster child. My lovelies had a box, with their name on it, with a jacket that they had worn that day in it. Lovely had a huge tshirt and too big shoes. Her hair was out of control and she was just a mess. LB had a girls shirt on, and too big windpants...but his shoes were new. That's the first layer....no clothes of their own.
The second layer, is the scared, uncertain child that is in a home so foreign to them, they don't even know how to comprehend what is happening. You all remember the Storm before the Calm, Lovely's first 24 hours with me. It might have been a bit more intense with her, because under that scared and uncertainty was a warrior, who was on a mission to protect her little brother, and everything was out of her control.
The third layer, is the anger. Anger at the parents, anger at the situation, anger at their new caregiver. A deep, hurtful anger, that rears its ugly little head every now and then, usually, when you least expect it.
The next layer, is the problem that got them in your home in the first place... the bio parents. Once they settle into the new home, they start to feel bad and dishonorable to their parents by being comfortable in their new home. At least that's how it works with Lovely. She has to re-assert her mom's superiority of anything I'm doing, all the time. It's like, she can't just like me for me, she has to make sure I remember she has a mom that can do no wrong.
It's exhausting.
But then, once you peel all those layers, there is the child. A bright little sunshine child, that just wants someone to take care of them, and let them be kids, and love them, and protect them.
That's when you know you have made headway, when you finally see that layer emerge.
But don't kid yourself....those layers are always there, waiting to wrap themselves around the kids like a bad cloud. It's a non-stop, on edge, juggling act.
It's exhausting, and oh, so very rewarding.
LB settled in in 24 hours. He hasn't asked about bio parents, particularly act like he misses them, and I think that he would seriously live with us for the rest of his life. (As long as I let Hallie's b/f, Wyatt, come over every weekend to play with him....even when he was coughing so hard last night in his deepest sleep, he asked for Wyatt in his delirium.....clearly, Wyatt has made a mark.) He has been so sick, coming from the shelter with some bug that got all 3 of the children in the house. It's just been awesome. (sarcasm abounds)
Mom reminded me of the old Vicks on the bottom of the feet with socks trick, and I have to tell you, the little boy finally got some good rest last night. Totally, 100% WORKED. I kid you not.
I guess if we were all honest, we all have layers. Walls we build to protect our hearts, our lives, our families. We all hide parts of our selves, and cover pain with sharp words, and anger. The beautiful thing is...we are all foster children in God's eyes. He is the ultimate foster home. He gives us shelter, he nurses our pain, he protects us when we need protection. We just have to be children and start to peel our layers, so he can get to the heart of your heart, and become your safe haven.
Everyone should have one.
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