Living the Dream

Living the Dream

Tuesday, September 22, 2015

Jen Hatmaker - My Spirit Animal

Nancy Roy accidentally bought two copies of Jen Hatmaker's "For the Love", and knew that "for the love" is my go-to phrase for anything.

"Mom, we plugged up the toilet with an ENTIRE roll of toilet paper!"   FOR.THE.LOVE!

"Look at this tiny little snake making it's way into our kitchen!!"   FoR.tHe.LOVE.  (time to move!)

"Deaton is smiling at me again!"  Aww,

"The pool is green....."    FOR.THE.EVERLOVING.LOVE.of.LOVE.

So, she rightly decided I should own this book, besides she had two.

I turned the first page last night....and haven't really been able to put it down since.

This chick?  She is my younger sister, spirit animal.

We would be wildly, best good friends.

And she unwittingly, in her sarcasm, unlocked a huge part of me, I really fully didn't understand.

You see, I've always thought of myself as a HUGE Extrovert.

Always, end. of.story.

And felt guilty when I wanted to run home from a function, and sit in my room and stare at the ceiling and yell at the children that live with me,  "Stay away from me, you blessed small ones!  If one more person, asks one more thing of me...I will melt into the carpet, never to be seen by human people again.....ever".

Oh, and by the way, I share her flare for exaggeration.

But here's a new transparent moment for you, my few friends that still read my rantings.....I am a serious Introverted Extrovert.

I can talk to a room of people, I do not fear from grabbing a microphone and telling Laynie's story, singing a song, or telling a joke.   You put me in a meeting with about 25 people and I become a quivering mass of jello.  I don't like parties, I hate going to the mall and shopping (shoot me in the face), and even if it's a volleyball game around people I adore, I still prefer to sit alone.  (That way they can't hear me cursing under my breath....or worse, maybe they still can)   And dating????  O M G....forget about it.

You get me one or one, or even at a table of 5 and I will talk your ear off.  Many more than 5 and I go into a self induced coma.   I don't like saying Goodbye to anyone.  I will go so far as to hang up in mid sentence to avoid a "good bye" on the phone.   (The kids will tell you stories all day about them calling me and me filling their ears with MY stuff, then promptly hanging up on them).

What I read from Jen Hatmaker today was.....Do Not Fear YOUNG are an extroverted Introvert.

How freeing, how awesome.  How bizarre.

Now after I have driven to 3 schools six times in a day, volleyed food to and from games like a boss, filmed said game, kept the baby, driven 500 miles back and forth from the funeral homes, talked to 8 different couples, fixed my car, paid my bills, gone to church, sold 3 cremations, fixed at least two meals in a day and washed 8 loads of clothes.....I go in my room, shut the door and cry  "UNCLE...for the LOVE.....UNCLE!"

And that's ok. Jen Hatmaker tells me I am not a bad parent that I don't want to sound out vowels sounds with the 5 year old vietnamese.  I am not a bad parent that I refuse to do homework and have declared that if homework isn't done at afterschool care, where I PAY for them to sit for two hours, they will pay with scrubbing the tub..... I am not a bad parent that I make bedtime at 8:30 sharp for EVERYONE, including me.   I am not a bad parent if one more episode of Power Rangers on Netflix turns me into a screaming nightmare face. I am not a bad parent that I think benadryl is the new Vitamin C.   I'm just not.

I'm an introverted extrovert.  Who the heck knew?

And, It's ok.    For.The.Love.