At first, I was distracted, first by missing our worship pastor, who recently moved to the Edmond campus, though I love one of his backup singers, it is just NOT the same. So, I'm sitting in my chair, all disgruntled and unhappy, and the kid behind me rattled his potato chip bag, for 15 minutes at least, then whispered and whispered and moaned and whispered to his brother, to the point, I almost checked him into lifekids for his mom.
It was one of THOSE kinds of mornings.
But as Craig unpacked the message, I found my spirits starting to lift.
He talked about the disciples in the boat, and God snoozing in the stern, and the storm rolling in, and all the disciples, freaking out and waking him up and asking him to calm the storm. He spoke and the storm stopped......then he looked those silly ole men in the face and said, "Why are you still afraid?? Don't you have faith in me??"
And, mercy, that resonated with me today. I'm about to adopt three kids. In that group is a 4 year old. FOUR YEAR OLD. That freaks me out if I even spend 5 minutes thinking about it. FREAKS. Me. OUT. "Why are you still afraid?"
There are so many problems, I just blogged about it the other day. Friends fighting cancer, in the battle of their lives... young people dying in car wrecks, leaving their families desolate over the loss......friends having babies with Down Syndrome, having to start from scratch a new journey, totally different from the one they imagined, not a horrible, awful place, just a different one.
When we found out about Laynie, my faith was tested, but it started growing, each and every day, as God revealed miracle after miracle for me to witness and share. Was I scared???? OF COURSE I was scared, but every single trial led me closer to Him. He doesn't just want us to stay in" First Grade faith" our whole lives...... get baptized and say a prayer in the pew every weekend, He wants us to SEEK HIM in EVERYTHING we do. And in trials, YOU SEEK him.
Remembering when I got stopped for a ticket (yes, I totally zipped through a yellowish/red light) and as the po-po pulled me over, the tension mounted in the backseat. The trio was melting down, thinking that ole Lolly was going to jail. He took my license, went back to his car half a minute, and trekked back to my window and informed me, "It's your lucky day, there is a larceny in progress, and I have to go take care of that". As he walked away, Lovely piped up from the backseat, "I pray for that larceny!!!" (not knowing what in the sam hill a "Larceny" even is). But the point is.....in our time of need, the kid went straight to the source, HELP GET LOLLY OUT OF THIS MESS LORD, WHATEVER IT TAKES....even if it does mean some poor person is getting ROBBED right now.
I know firsthand, how much my faith grew, and how firm my foundation in trusting God became during our journey with Laynie. The more you seek Him, and trust Him, the more calm you become in a storm. If I don't hear "How in the world do you do it?" at least 3 times a day, everyday, it's a slow day. I can't just tell everyone "God has all the details worked out, I just have to trust Him and let Him guide me through". It's a wonderful, rewarding feeling, casting out fear.
I woke up in a cold sweat, bawling a few nights ago, because I dreamed Hallie died. I've been gearing up for the run and thinking about Austin a ton this week.....He was such a huge fan and big supporter in the years past, and I miss him so much. All those Team hope shirts, with the cowboy hat on the back hip....Seeing all those hats run past me, made me think about him so much. So when I had that horrendous dream, something I fear so deep inside of me, something happening to my precious children, I woke up and immediately prayed. I started with Lacey and worked my way through the whole family. My heart stopped pumping so fast, and I calmed. God's got this.... cast out the fear. He brought me to it, He'll bring me through it.
Storm season is fast approaching. We are supposed to have severe weather on Wednesday. We could sit around with high anxiety and not get anything done between now and then. Moore is just in the beginning stages of rebuilding from last year's devastating storms. I am miserably unhappy about the thought of hours of Mike Morgan. I miss my fake boyfriend, Rick Mitchell, more than ever these next couple of months. But God says, Do NOT FEAR, I am there. And I believe these words. He will get us through the storms of life. We all have chosen to live in a state that delivers tornadoes every year, just like Christmas. And now earthquakes. If we have both in one day it will be a "Quakenado".
All I know is what has worked for me, and all I can tell you is, I've never been more surrendered to His will, and more at peace in my entire life. Just trust Him, and He will never leave your side.