Months I have wasted being bitter.
It started as I moved from Pepper's Ranch last July.
I left that place angry and bitter and holding a grudge.
I attended my 40th year class reunion this past July, and I was so wrapped in anger and bitterness and worry and crap factory attitude, I didn't even enjoy the people I love so much in this world, I was so mired in bitterness.
Oh there were moments of wonderfulness wound into the pain, but my heart had hardened and it seemed like I couldn't find goodness in anything.
I find myself so far from God.
Before corona, my family didn't miss a Sunday in church. Even in the bitterness, God was still working in me, and every Sunday I would leave with a better attitude, and by Monday night, tuesday morning.....here came the bitterness.
Last week, as I was given the opportunity to attend corporate church again, I took myself and sat myself in the chair and listened to Pastor Craig talk about Being Positive.
Sure.
The music filled my heart and the message made me squirm, but this whole week I have wrestled.
Today, I listened to Pastor Trevor speak and I finally put all the pieces together.
I'm tired of being the Devil's pawn. I'm tired of not speaking my truth. I'm tired of being bitter. I want to wash that down the drain, and get back in the bible and find the truth.
I have no idea how people that don't love and seek and desire Jesus are making it through this turmoil that we call life in 2020. The political unrest, the racial unrest, the health scare, the murder bees, the locust plague threat, the economy uncertainty.
HOW DO WE FACE ALL THIS UNCERTAINTY WITH ANY KIND OF HOPE?
Jesus Christ says, "Come and I will give you rest"
The Bible says: Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with WHAT YOU HAVE, because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." Hebrews 13:5-6
I remember growing up and being so fearful of the "end of times". All the scariness, all the unknown. I want to dig in Revelations and start really internalizing that, because friends, this all feels like the end times.
And no amount of money, or status is going to give you everlasting life. That is only going to be through forgiveness and believing in our Lord.
Don't think for a minute that the enemy isn't pursuing your heart. He isn't going to be scary and show up with horns and a pitchfork, he's going to seek you with all the things your heart desires most.
He right now as I am typing is trying to make me doubt that I should write this. What does it matter? Who will it reach? Your words are insignificant. He is a master of self-doubt and pursuer of your bitterness and anger. He's had me right where he wants me for MONTHS.
NO MORE SATAN. You have no power here. You have no power over my children. I renounce you and your bitterness. I have the BLOOD OF JESUS CHRIST flowing through my veins and I will NOT BE AFRAID.
I will live full out. I will LOVE without boundaries. I will be QUICK to love and SLOW to anger.
Today and EVERYDAY, I WILL CHOOSE JESUS.
