So if I repeat myself in this blog, of things I have said a million times, sorry. My mind...it is a fleeting.
I lost a friend this past week. He died in his sleep. I can't think of a more perfect way to die. Just go to sleep and not wake up.
I have no fear of death. Not. one.second.
I know my friend was saved as a little kid. But he lived a fast, furious and out of control life.
My biggest regret was not talking to him seriously about his salvation. Oh, I tried, and I would get the "If I walk in the church, the roof would blow off"....or "Lightning would strike me".
I've screwed up so many times in my life. I could write novels, and novels and more novels of the idiot things I have done.
It took me a LONG LONG time to come to terms with forgiving myself for some of these things I did. I truly believed that there was no way that God could (or would) forgive me.
But the truth is, the minute I gave it to Him, and asked for forgiveness....He forgave me. It's taken me decades to wrap my head around the fact that God loves me and would do anything for me. I sabotaged 10 years, shrouded in guilt for crap I had done. It took me much longer to forgive myself, than it took for God to forgive me. He was just waiting for me to give it to Him.
Wasted, wasted time.
Today in church, Craig was talking about the crowd gathering to stone the adulteress....and how Jesus asked the crowd of outraged "Christians"......"If any of you are without sin....you cast the first stone". And one by one the crowd dispersed.
Then he looked at the girl standing before him, and he told her, "Go from here and sin no more". Just like that. His love is so deep, it's overwhelming.
One of the many excuses I get from people that don't go to church..... "I'm such a sinner, church is NOT the place for me". Well, excuse me, but CHURCH is the perfect place for you..... just the RIGHT church.
After my divorce, I basically got ran out of the church I had played the piano for, for almost 5 years. That was tough. I didn't blame God, but I sure blamed churches. Thank the heavens, Lacey found Lifechurch and plugged me in. I have a relationship that feeds my very soul, through the worship and services I have experienced at that church.
And today, as I listened and nodded in agreement, I feel lucky I know who holds my tomorrows. People think it's hard to be a Christian. Too many rules, too many standards, blah blah blah. I say, it's harder to NOT be a Christian.
I saw a post on facebook the other day that says, I'm a Christian, but I cuss a little. That's probably me. And when I hear the preacher tell his road rage stories, I immediately feel better. You DON"T have to be someone you aren't, to serve someone that knows you better than you do. You just have to show up and pray, and believe that God is there for you....then.....He shows up.
Discussing life with my friend, Janis and she tells me how she KNOWS when she sins now, as opposed to how it never even hit her radar... and I told her.... "That's Christianity maturity.....you are quicker to ask God to forgive you, and you try as hard as you can, to not do those things". How far I've come, how far I have to go......
I guess I thought when I rose out of the water when I was baptised I would be different. How I wish I had had someone to tell me that everything around me would stay the change, it would be how I viewed it all, that's what was different.
Thank the Lord, I know where my future lies. My days are so uncertain, and I am so overwhelmed 99% of the time....with kids everywhere I look, messy bathrooms, laundry strewn everywhere....not enough time in the day to even get everything done. But all I have to do, is close my eyes and ask for God to carry me through, and He NEVER lets me down. He is my certainty. He is my stability.
I hope you'll consider letting Him do the same for you.