"Post this and raise awareness of the suicide hotline".
It's that time of year again, when the holidays are full of cheer for many, and full of sadness and despair for others.
This time last year, I blogged about a man that came in to the funeral home and wrote his cremation, fully intending to go home and take his life. This year, he is alive and well and living his life in Stillwater.
Three years back, someone very close to me, was on the verge of taking their life. No hope, no way out, just a black pit of despair. Fast forward three years, a new season, a new hope, life is better than ever.
I'm here to tell you people, depression is real and prosperous. Children taking their lives, or attempting to take their lives, because LIFE is so hard and they feel there is NO PLACE For them. It makes me so sad.
I stand before you a broken human. This may shock a bunch of you, especially newer friends, but I am not the person you think I am. I am a broken, lost and sinning mess. And that's just on Monday morning. I rally on Tuesday, and spiral on Wednesday, and as Friday gets closer, I rally again, and by Sunday morning, I am off and running, straight into the house of my Lord.
I am making light of this, because "Christians" are so labeled as "Saints" and "Holier than THou". I am known to throw a cuss word in for good measure usually at least once a day. You Don't have to be HOLY, for your God to love you. This is where so many of my friends get caught up...."I'm not worthy of God's love" "I have screwed up too many times" "He could never forgive me of the things I've done" and on and on until you are mired in a pit of despair.
I had the pleasure of keeping Deaton this past weekend while his mom took a very deserved weekend ladies retreat. He is 18 months old now, and so full of piss and vinegar that you can smell him across the room. He is a mess. He is precious. He is all boy and so full of energy, that I needed a nap almost every hour on the hour to keep up with his antics.
In 36 hours he had pulled the dog's tail so many times that she ran when she saw him, he punched Steven in the man parts, he bit me three times, he threw his blocks at Gina and whammed her in the face, he fell off the chair and landed upsidedown in his VW toy, he blew food at me, landing on my glasses, he knocked the spoon out of my hand, he pooped through so many diapers (post-Thanksgiving blowout), and he napped the whole of 2 hours, and lastly but certainly not least, he punched me straight in the nose and almost cold-cocked me.
Did any of that make me love him less? No MATTER WHAT he did, I loved him. I love him with such unending grace, it makes my head spin. (none of you will get this until you acquire grandchildren, even your own children won't inspire this patience). And today as I was taking Zach to school, a song came on the radio called "Tell Me" by Carrollton and it made me weep with joy.
God Loves You. People, you need NO ONE Else. No one needs to fill your love tank but Jesus. Instead of blaming Him for everything wrong in your life, switch it up, and try running to Him for comfort. God loves You as much as I love Deaton, even with your flaws, and your screw-ups, there isn't anything He doesn't love about you.
When I came out of church on Sunday, Tyler had Deaton in the lobby and he was running around (let me clarify here: Deaton was running, not gimpy still limping, but in two shoes, Tyler) and when DeeDee saw me, he lit up like a Christmas tree on steroids, and ran as fast as he could into my arms. Did I think about how many times he had messed up the day before?? No, I scooped him up and loved him as hard as I could.
Here's a thought, WHAT IF WE ALL FELT THAT WAY ABOUT JESUS? It is ABSOLUTELY the way he feels about you.....He doesn't remember what you did yesterday, He loves you in the HERE and NOW. Just think, There would be no more suicides, there would be no more self inflicted pain.....there would only be unending joy.
Life is so freaking messy. There is so much pain and crap to deal with. Instead of blaming God for all of it....try running into His arms for His love.
It will be all you need.
Simple steps to begin a new relationship with God.
-Turn on worship music in your car. KLOVE, or AIR1 are perfect starts. Pour positive into your life.
-Find a Lifechurch, or a church you feel so comfortable in, you can't wait to get there to worship.
-Get a Bible, and dive into Matthew. It's the perfect time of year, the first four books of the new testament are all about Jesus's birth, and it's just groovy that it times it out that way.
-Talk to God all day. To help you remember at first, everytime you send a text message to someone, send up a prayer of thanks for one thing. Before you know it, you will be talking to him practically all day. (I know His ears ring with my praises and requests)
Just start with those four things and watch something wonderful happen in your life.
Every single one of us is born with spiritual gifts. Yours might be helping at church, wrangling kids in the nursery Some of you foster pets, and love animals, and give them shelter. You might tutor kids in an inner city YMCA, and pour hope into children that don't have any way of learning except for what you give them that one hour a week. You might volunteer at the Food Bank, or wave to people as they drive in to church. Some are simply stay at home moms, doing everything they can to keep the home fires burning. Everyone is born with a gift. Every gift is unique.
Maybe your gift is sharing a blog from an oldish woman with your friends and reaching one person that is hurting.
It all begins with you. Mixing it up and doing it different.
Be bold. He is just waiting there, loving you with all of his heart, watching you blow and go, waiting for you to turn around and jump into His loving arms.