Living the Dream

Living the Dream

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

From A to Zi

Everyone knows that Kip went on her 11 month- 11 country mission trip last year.  She made a bunch of friends.

I made a bunch of friends.  Well, I stalked a bunch of people, so, in turn, they sort of feel like friends.

Of course, most of them don't know me, but I believe I know them, because I stalked them, and followed them, and read their stories and shared their pictures.

Just like I was there.  And one of them.  And young.  And free.

I digress.

Anyhoo.... I was extremely jealous of the two teams that got to go to China to a special needs orphanage there.  They played babies all month with some special, beautiful children, and every picture and blog that I read from that place touched my heart intimately.

One of the girls, Jenn Corkneybonfoofoo (this is her facebook name, and I was bitterly disappointed to realize that it was NOT her real name, but in my head she will forever be, Ms. Corkneybonfoofoo), fell head over heels in love with one of the little boys there.  A 4 year old name Zi Ping.


She fell so head over heels in love with him, she called her sister at home, and I am making a long story short here, but basically said,  "Uhm, sister, can you get your husband on the phone, there is something I need you to do for me.", to which her sister (Katie), three way called her husband (Josh) in on the phone, and Jenn pretty much said,  "I have a 4 year (he might have been 3 at the time), little boy here, he has Down Syndrome, and I want you two to adopt him."  They paused about 8 seconds,  maybe 6, and Josh said, "So, how do we go about doing that?"   

No hesitation, no pausing, no WHAT THE CRAP?, just total surrender, and LET's DO THE DANG THANG.  

Well, you all know me pretty well.  That story just tugged me where my mama lives.  

A couple of months later, they had a fundraiser for bringing home the Zi.  A donor had said that anything raised in a 12 hour period would be matched dollar for dollar.  Josh and Katie prayed for $5000.  They needed $32000.

I prayed for $40,000.   Jenn prayed for $40,000.  I don't mess around now.  I KNOW how  big God is and what a deliverer he is.  

So, the dollars started.  And I sat on pins and needles all day, stalked Josh's facebook page, and Zi's blog.  

I have a blog somewhere on here about it.... but I'll short story it  (If I can, it's so good).  The day passed and I LOVED watching Josh get more excited and blown away.  By the end of the day, they had raised over $16,000.  and with the matching donor dollars, almost exactly what they needed to bring their little man home.  

I cried a lot that day.  Over a family I had never met, over the friends that help me support them, over the fact, that God brought a baby who had no future where he was, into the fold of a fantastically loving family.

Because, that's how God does it.  

So, I was thrilled to death to see this a few days ago.


The sweet little boy with his brand new mom and dad.  His life... is just about to get really, really good.

And what Josh and Katie don't realize, is how GREAT over the top, their lives are about to be.  They thought God's blessings were abundant and rich before, but all I can say, from someone that simply fosters a couple of kids.....Oh, hang on to your hats.  The blessings are about to begin.

I saw this video, and I want to end with it....I realize that adoption/fostering isn't for everyone, but living outside of yourself IS.  Even if it's helping someone that struggles, or baking cookies for a sick neighbor.  Your life needs to be more than just about your own stuff.

Because that's when it gets REALLY really good.




Sunday, January 27, 2013

Funday Sunday

I have been through so many emotions today, I can't even begin to talk about them.

Watching Lovely get baptized this morning.....

I've watched all three of my kids get baptized, and I was thrilled, and moved, but today's feeling, and watching this little lost child, find her way into God's pocket.... awesome.

We had a row full of people.  Kip, Brandon came all the way from California to watch her (She is CONVINCED), Lacey, LB, Grammie, my manager Kristen, our friend Beverly, and countless others in the audience, watching her.

I wish I could share pictures, but of course, I cannot.

I can tell you that as we walked into the auditorium with the other 30 or so people that got baptized at 10:00, that I could feel Lovely's heart beating in her shoulders, it was racing so hard.

I can tell you that she was moved to tears, then laughter, and tears again, as she got closer and closer to the water.

I can tell you she screamed, "He's singing my favorite song!" as Dameon sang and led worship as we were waiting.

I can tell you she smiled and shook her head so strong, when she was asked, "Do you accept Jesus Christ as your personal Savior?", and I can tell you she jumped up and down when she came out of the water, and I can tell you I have never felt joy like that, both from within my heart, and emanating from her.

I can tell you she stood up AGAIN at invitation at the end of service, and she would be baptized every Sunday if she could.  The girl is on fire for God.

Something else so great, as far as blessings go, my friend, Sheree, hooked us up with meals for the week... Crock pot meals, and as tired and sick as I've been, I wasn't really sure how we were going to do it this week, and boom.....there it is... I just have to drag out a crock pot.

Got to visit with Kip's Brandon today (I was distracted with the lovelies first weekend, last time he was here), so I got to spend a bit of time with him today, and he gets the Lolly seal of approval.  I also delighted in dragging out a million pictures and showing him just what a catch he was getting, since she has been a hottie since birth.

He kept LB in happy BOY land for awhile, and I'm reminded (again) I HAVE to get this little boy a "Big Brother".

The messages at church have been about "My Story", and what you are doing now to make a difference tomorrow.  Today, I felt the gift of the rewards.  Today, I felt pure joy.

Today, I am blessed.





Saturday, January 26, 2013

Enough Said


I heard this song on the radio today, and couldn't wait to get home to You Tube it.

I've heard Dameon sing it and just love it so very much...

Then I saw it with the video.

Get a kleenex or twelve.



When the girl reaches for his foot, as he has just saved her from being stoned by the good "Christians" in town, and Jesus admonished them with, "Let any among you without sin, cast the first stone".... I lost it.  That girl is me.  Unworthy to be loved, yet so loved and valued by my God.  There is no greater love.

That's all I have to say about that.

Lovely's getting "babbitized" in the morning at 10:00.  Everyone say a prayer of thankgiving with me, and
join me in welcoming another sister into the fold.

The GREAT I AM. ...

Friday, January 25, 2013

Praise God From Whom All BLESSINGS flow

Everyone has heard the miraculous Christmas blessing we received.

We made the dang news.  For.the.love.

But what is even more miraculous are all the other blessings that just keep coming.

And I don't just mean money.  (Though, WOW, just wait)

Let's start back when I started the facebook fast.

I ALMOST gave up the kids this month.  I don't think ANYONE knows how close I came.  I fought the devil HARD this month.  He was determined for me to give up.  He knew I didn't have my support of my village (aka Facebook friends), and that enemy, pulled out every excuse, every misery, every problem he could pull and throw it in my face.

Then through prayer and GRACE, I saw the big picture.  I quit fighting the "What If's" and surrendered to the "What are's" and that's when the floodgates opened.

Again.

I started a commission job during Christmas.  That's pretty much the dumbest thing a human being could do. Two weeks without zip.  Then I had a decent week of work, and then I got sick.  Another week down.

So needless to say, my coffers have been a bit empty.

Or so it would seem.

First of all, around the time my house payment came due, a knock on my mom's door, opened to a wonderful young man (who tripped her heart into palpitations, and he knows who he is) handed her a wad of bills in cash, and told her to tell me not to spend it at the casino.  He was the "handmaiden" (if you will) of a very incredible benefactor, that told me she had missed giving her normal "gift" to the angel tree, and would instead, like to gift it to my family.

If my mom had any skeptical doubts left in her head..holding that money in her hand, erased them all.  "God is rewarding you."  she said, as she handed me that money.  "And He sent a GOOD LOOKING man to do it".    Oh my gosh, my mom still palpitates over hott guys.  (may I always be like her).

Now....the blood drive.  I can't even begin to tell you how much I love our "Core" group of Laynie fans.  There are the families that support us in all things, and they were there.   It was just so special.

Then the texts.  Oh my word.  THE TEXTS.  I was sitting at work, utterly defeated, just about to call my caseworker, when my phone blew up.  And they just kept coming.  And my FRIENDS, my accountability TEAM, MY VILLAGE.... loved me through a very dark day.

Then, this past week,as I walked in the hall in a fever soaked haze, I get an email from a friend telling me she wants to cover my trip to the doctor and get myself there pronto.  God gave me healing (through the blessing of honey and cinnamon), and I didn't have to go...but it was offered.

THEN, (oh just wait).... one of my CORE group, in talking with me at the blood drive, offers to buy lovely some new balance tennis shoes, because this kid has feet you can't even believe, and I don't know that new balance makes  "Z" size wide (which is probably what she'll need) and tells me to meet him in Edmond, and he's buying her some shoes.  WHAT?

And, as I sit on the toilet yesterday (hang with me, I have a point), and realize I'm putting on the last roll of tp, and then brush my teeth, with the LAST of my toothpaste, and used my LAST bar of soap (I'm not exaggerating here, though I admit I tend to do that), and used my last squirt of shampoo on my hair, and was wondering how I was going to pull off making it until the 1st...... I get a text from another CORE group member, and tells me to go look in front of my garage.

I seriously just sat in my chair and sobbed.  My kids are getting used to it.   "Oh Lolly getting blessed again".  

All I think about every single time something like this happens, is Ketric Newell (the youth pastor at Edmond lifechurch at the time) jumping UP and DOWN in our hospital room at Children's yelling at Lacey and I with such passion and belief.. (after we were told Laynie had no time).

"GOD IS BIGGER THAN ANY DIAGNOSIS.  YOU JUST HAVE TO BELIEVE IT."   

and as itty bitty newbie christians, not fully understanding the ENORMITY of that statement. doubting,  'But, but, God can't CHANGE her chromosomes. "

Well, in response to that, he changed her DIAGNOSIS THREE times.  Three, people.  In fact, her chromosomal work-up was DIFFERENT EVERY TIME THEY TOOK IT. 

"You think I can't change her chromosomes.  Oh Ye Of Little FAITH."

God, I get it now. I got it then, but I didn't really "Get" it.  I didn't understand why I was being pulled to foster.  Then I started receiving the blessings.  God... You have showed me through ALL THINGS you are faithful.  And you are good.


I was going to put something funny on facebook this morning like,  "For I am convinced that neither snot nor mucus, neither fever or chills, nor any suppresent or expectorant, nor any ibuprofen, can separate the enormity of Honey and Cinnamon together as a healer"....

Until I REALLY read the verse, and a chill, that had nothing to do with my flu, swept over me.

I AM CONVINCED.... (not maybe, not halfway, but CONVINCED)  that LIFE nor DEATH  (whether I'm alive or dead)   Neither angels or Demons   (I've seen both this month)...  Neither the present NOR the future  (we get SO tied up worrying about both of them), Nor any Powers, neither Height, nor depth, NOR ANYTHING ELSE IN ALL CREATION  (that pretty much wraps up EVERYTHING),

WILL BE ABLE TO SEPARATE us from the LOVE of GOD that is in Christ Jesus our LORD.

NOTHING can take God away from me.  or You.

Just let Him in and BELIEVE.

"GOD IS BIGGER THAN ANY DIAGNOSIS. (whatever your "Diagnosis" is,... a lost job, a broken relationship, a financial crisis, a shattered dream, the loss of your precious family member, you fill in the blank)... YOU JUST HAVE TO BELIEVE IT."  

And in "Believing It".... give it to Him, and Let HIM carry you.



For God. Is. Good.    Just believe.

Thursday, January 24, 2013

My Cup Runneth Over (as does my nose)

I got a brand new great niece today.


She's just deliciousness in a diaper!!! Don't you just want to kiss those little lucious lips??  Oh Aunt Lolly does!

She joins these two comrades in arms....

her big sisters.  They know what's up, now.  

So happy that MALEAH RYAN LEWIS showed up at 3:02, weighing in at a whopping 7 lbs 13 oz.  

Lindsay kept me up to speed via text the whole time, as I hacked my lungs up in the privacy of my own home.

I got a LOT of good advice from a LOT of different people.

Here's the advice I took:

1.  Stop taking the suppressant and switch to an expectorant.   WOW, was that a game changer.  All the sudden I have loosey goosey unhurting lungs.  

2.  Try 1 tablespoon of local honey mixed with 1/4 tsp of ground cinnamon.   DOUBLE WOW.  It was amazing.  Not to mention so TASTY, I wanted to have this strange and gooey combination every hour or so.  My productive cough almost within an hour, turned into a nice, dry hacking cough.  That continues to dry up.

3.  Take a drying agent like Sudafed, or Zyrtec.   BINGO, worked like a charm.

The advice I didn't take:

1.  Drink whiskey.

2.  Wear poise pads for pee problems.  

3.  Smoking dope might not help, but it will make everything way funnier.  

See the friends I have?  All such wonderful people.  

Lovely is getting baptized this Sunday.  She is SO pumped it is a bit over the top.  EVERYONE in the lobby at church on Sunday was told.  EVERYONE at her school has been told.   EVERYONE in Walmart, including our cashier, has been told.  EVERYONE.  

Brandon is coming to see Kip, and when Lovely heard the news, she KNEW it was only to see her get baptized.  Never mind that whole Girlfriend/Boyfriend thing.  It's all ABOUT HER.

Her counselor brought her a cross necklace today, with a Rose of Sharon on it.  I told her it was perfect, because a ROSE isn't just an ordinary flower.  A ROSE is a thing of beauty, a thing of purity, a work of perfection, just like her.   I told her that her life would NEVER be the same, simply because GOD will never leave her side, ever.  Even in her most scared, sad moments...she is NEVER alone.

She took that in, and looked at me and said, "I already feel that.  He is RIGHT here with me".  

My cup runneth over.  

This morning, LB got himself up, dressed himself, got himself breakfast (I know you SICK, Lolly, I'm your helper), and was thinking about a lunch for the field trip, when I grabbed a plain brown bag out of the drawer, wrote his name on the sack with a Sharpie, and helped him pack it in the sack.  

He just stared at it for the longest time, and I was a bit confused.  "What's up, doc?" I asked him, wondering what was going on in that 100 mile an hour brain.

":No one ever write my name on a sack.  It's ALL mine".  

OH. My. Heart.

The things I take for granted that are NO big deal.  Such a BIG deal to little ones that have never had love and care.  

The counselor declares me a blend of "Fun and Balance".  I don't know about the Balance, but Fun, oh yeah.

The best part... in showing them the new baby's picture....they declared,  "She in OUR family now?  She's ours???"

Yep, buddies.   OUR family.

A perfect blend of fun and balance.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Productive Coughs and Pushing Kids

I have to tell you.  I haven't been really "SICK" in a few years.  Since I've gotten the snotty, sickoid Lovelies, I have been sick TWICE in 5 weeks.

That ain't good odds.

I started couighing Sunday, and then by Monday evening, it was a full out cough a lung up for no particular reason.

I don't have insurance until March, so I'm just going to have to suck it up.  I finally knew I was SICK last night at Hallie's volleyball practice.  The chills and aches started, and when I coughed I found myself drooling like a baby, and peeing my pants uncontrollably.  (How am I STILL SINGLE?)

So, it was just glorious.  I was like, "What is HAPPENING?"

I came in from the practice (after driving from North OKC, still don't know how I got home), and told the lovelies....FIND YOUR BED, and crawled into my bed.

I knew my facebook fast was coming to an end, and I tried to think of funny facebook statuses as I lay, drooling, coughing and peeing.

Couldn't come up with anything.

I did text my funeral home people this morning and told them I wouldn't be in because I thought I was going to DIE, and I wanted them to know that my prearrangements are still at Bill Eisenhour Funeral Home NW.  However, I only want Free Jordan to embalm me, cause ain't NOBODY going to see me Nekkid.  Oh, No.  In fact, embalm me in my jammies.  I insist.

(Too many friends in the funeral business to be all immodest now).

I mean, I Felt BAD.

I still do, though I have drank through at least a GALLON of tea today (in keeping with the "hydrated" beyond belief) theme, that everyone with the flu encourages you to do.

I was happy to get back on facebook, and being home today, I lay in bed with my laptop and stalked EVERYONE to get caught up.  Between naps and coughing.  For.the.everloving.love.

I got an email from LB's teacher about noon, and in his exuberance to be "Funny" he knocked a kid out of his chair.

Neat.

I assured her, I was beyond certain he had no malice intended, that he was a bit of a "swan", like the rest of us, and I was SURE he was sorry.

She concurred, and said, "He is the sweetest little boy".

Why Yes.  Yes he is.

Now if I can just keep them away from this cough and crud and Hallie too.  Her volleyball tournaments start in two weeks, and I am pumped and ready.  (Maybe, but surely by then, I will be over the drool stage)

Prayers for recovery and keeping my mom and family well and away from this (Yes, my momma made me chicken and dumplings.  Oh Heck Yes.)

And a miracle to occur, because when I don't work, I don't make money, and if I think about it, I might freak out.

Get well.  Get well.  Get well.

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

All About Lovin a Baby

January is the worst and the best  month.

It's the worst, because I miss Laynie with an intensity that is hard to explain.

It's the best, because we have our memorial blood drive, and I am reminded how incredible our lives are and how blessed we are in the friend department.

I've been no help this year, due to my facebook fast, and Lacey did an incredible job with everyone, getting them there.  We had a steady stream of people from 3:00 on.

It. Was. Wonderful.

No one had to wait for more than 5 minutes, and if they did, they were entertained by Lovely.


"Welcome to the B-L-O-O-D (spelling) drive.  We are SO GLAD you are here to give B-L-O-O-D". 

Somewhere on the drive over, she decided she was going to be our Welcome Wagon lady.

And she met everyone at the door, with a big smile and a hand shake.  It was pretty funny.

It was even more funny, that all my friends kind of stared at her, as I introduced her, no one knew her name, and when it finally occurred to me that NO ONE knows her name, I started introducing her as "Lovely", and the lightbulbs came on.   "OH!!!  (followed immediately by.)  "DUH".    It was great.


This was the invite on Facebook.  Who can resist that???  Sweet little baby.

We had a great time. People came in steady, and the wait was never long, and we donated the
amount we needed to have a "successful" blood drive.  I really Really REALLY love our friends.

Here's a really bad video I threw together of the pictures (no music) of our fun afternoon.  And I mean BAD, and THREW.  Don't judge, my talent lies in other things, like eating cheetos, and coughing.

  



video 



Thanks for loving our baby, and saving lives by the gift of blood donation.  

Sunday, January 20, 2013

Never Give Up

I've almost kicked my facebook fast in the face.

It has been the longest 21 days of my life, but Wednesday I am BACK.

And I really can't wait.

It's a bit sad, I quit thinking in facebook statuses last week.  I'm hoping that my facebook mojo kicks back in.

This has been the most I have been stretched and depressed and doubting that I have been in a while.

It's been exhausting.

But it's also been very eye-opening.

I almost gave up the kids this month.  I was too sad, too defeated, too overwhelmed, too over-my-head, to think I could do it another day.

Then Lacey told you to text me and everyone told me to stay in the boat.

And then today, at church, Craig might as well been preaching directly at my face.

"It's going to get hard, it's going to be difficult, it would be so much EASIER to just give up....but ...... stay the course.  NEVER EVER EVER Give up."

I try to imagine my life in a year without the kids.  Would my life be easier if they weren't here?  What would all of that look like?

Then I decided it's all about perspective and attitude.

And I had lost both of those.  Totally. Lost. Them.

January is a tough month.  I miss Laynie so much during this month, that it threatens to overwhelm.  But, God has my plan, and when I talk to anyone about the blessings that flow through  my life, it is so evident I am doing EXACTLY what I am supposed to do, and I CANNOT give up.

I WILL NOT give up.


Saturday, January 19, 2013

Sunshine and Exercise

We took advantage of the beautiful day today.  Lovely and LB wore out their new bicycles and scooters, and I managed to clean and organize the garage.

No small feat.

I still have WAY too much stuff in my garage, but at least now, I can see the walls, and the floor is clean.  I'm still wanting toys for the kids visitation rooms at DHS, so anyone wanting to donate, get them to me.

Hallie has had a rough weekend, and the lovelies were in overdrive trying to keep her cheerful.  They went for a long bike ride, and I have to tell you, I am chuckling over Miss Lovely this evening.

She's my soul mate on not liking exercise, and we studiously avoid it at all costs.  So, today, with exercise thrown in, disguised as "fun" with the siblings, she got a CUP full.

She is limping around, holding her butt this evening, and it's funny, and very sad, because of the intense workout happening in the garage for me... I, too, am bemoaning the same fate.

We are pathetic.

Hallie just shakes her head and mutters, "Losers".

Yep.  We are proud.

LB lost another tooth this evening.  Gram had to do the "tie a string" to it, and boom, out it came.   He is a toothless wonder.  But oh so proud.

Lovely just looks at him and says,  "You no eat meat for awhile.  You look weird".  Bahaha.

Did I tell you she finally spent time in the principal's office this past week?  You know I predicted it.  Well, oh, yeah...it happened.   She spends WAY too much quality time with some other boys in special ed, and they find great pleasure in picking on her.  I have to tell you, though, this girl isn't going down without a fight.  And she let them have it, and ended up just as in trouble as they were.

Without telling her, I did appeal her verdict of ASD, and told them that I didn't think she needed to be punished for STANDING UP FOR HERSELF.  And that if I had a smelly shoe stuck in my face, I'd do more than yell at a boy.  Thankfully, they took my comments to heart, and she ended up picking up lunch trays and helping the lunch lady, and got switched out of the Three Stooges classes.   She is so funny, and still so scared I am going to send her packing.

These kids are pushing me outside of my comfort zone on the whole "Hugging" thing.  They like to hug.  All the time.  A Lot.  More than a Little.  Like every minute.

I've talked about this before, that I had to make a pact with Hallie to remind me to hug her at least twice a day.   Which is sad, because affection should be spontaneous.

Oh, Not for me.  And these two kids.  Working me outside of my comfort zone, into a different person.

So, everyone may go on and on about how "Great" it is what I'm doing.....but what the secret is,  "What I am learning, and what it's making me become and grow into".

It's all about the journey.  And limping around with sore butts.

What a great life.

Thursday, January 17, 2013

Flat Feet and Being a Missionary

Lovely has got some feet now.

They are flat and almost impossible to find shoes to fit.

When we were at her first doctor visit, I showed them to her PA, and he recommended an orthopedic look at them.

We went today.

Yep, they are flat. 

She said to me, "No one ever care about my stuff, Lora (yep, she does call me that) and you da only person dat care about my feet".

Sigh.  My mom worked for an orthopedic doc for years, and it's engrained in my DNA that your feet are your "temples". 

We skipped out of there in about an hour's time with new insoles in her shoes.  "They make me tall and my feet are HAPPY". 

Well... we'll see how "happy " they are after they are in her shoes 8 hours.  I sent the box with her, with the warning.... "If your feet start to hurt AT ALL, take them off, and take them off anyway, as soon as school is out".

But the favoritest part of my day today, has been watching her tell EVERYONE she is getting baptized next Sunday.

We went to the baptism class for kids they give last night, and LB decided he wasn't ready  (the whole "Dying to your sins" and the idea of water, doesn't compute in his brain yet) but LOVELY?  Oh My Cow.  The girl is ready to do the dang thing. 

She told the receptionist this morning.  She told the nurse as we were going back to the room.  She told the xray technician (who was HOTT, for.the.love.), she told the doctor, and then she told the dude that brought in the insoles.

She talked non stop about it to me, all the way to school, and then proceeded to tell the receptionist at the school, and the entire front office, that SHE, was getting baptized.

Wouldn't it be AWESOME, if we could all channel that enthusiasm and share God like that with EVERYONE we see???

I told her, as we were waiting on the doctor, that it was so amazing that she had the opportunity to be a missionary.  Her eyes got big, and she said, "I don't go no where.  I ain't no missionary."  to which I told her.... "Kiddo, you already are.  Look how far you have come.  Just think, this starts a whole new chapter for you.  You can tell other kids about Jesus, and how He worked in your life, and when you get older, you can do like your friend did, and go get kids that would NEVER get to go to church, and take them, and share Jesus with them.  And maybe you could foster kids yourself some day."

She looked at me, and thought for a minute and said,  "I. A.m.  A. Missionary." 

I smiled at her, and she told me, "You my home girl."

Lord, please let me have that childlike enthusiasm everyday, and let me be a missionary wherever I am, and let your light shine through me. 

Your life is your mission field.... how are you doing with that?

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Dearest Darling Angel ....

'lil punkin seed....Five years ago on January 16, 2008 we were given the most incredible gift from God himself, in the form of the very precious, tiny you.


You surprised everyone, I think.. except me.  

 I knew you were going to be something special.  I never once doubted it for a second.

For you see.... you were my very first grandchild.

And I knew you were going to be one of a kind.


Laynie Hope, you taught me so much.  Though you never spoke a word, your life, your heart, your tenacious determination to live and be happy, showed me the way that God intended for me to live.  

Pure.


Unconditional.


Selfless.


Fearless.


Full of Joy.


You slowed us down,in our whirl of life, and taught us the important things.  

Sweet girl, there isn't a day that goes by I don't miss you.  I miss your noises, your laughter bubbling over, your joy taking a bath, your thrill for cream of wheat and yogurt.  I miss the times I rocked you and played the piano for you, and sang with you.   I miss just watching you sleep, and listening to your little purring noises you made when you did.   I miss watching your mommy love you.  She was perfection at loving you, sweet girl.  

Precious gem, you taught me to see Jesus in everything.  You reduced my life to a simple task of simply following Him, and living for Him.  

You did that.  You changed your Lolly's life, by showing me Jesus.  

And though my heart misses you every.single.day......

I would NOT change a thing.

Sweet smidge, I will see you again... we will laugh and sing and love and be together, and it will not be a minute too soon, and I don't fear dying at all, because when I breathe my final breath on this earth, I will be reunited once again with you.  And I wait for that day... not with fear or sadness, but with joy and hope....

Because of you, my precious baby girl.... I remember, on your second birthday, you were so excited, and knew that day was ALL about you.  I carry that memory deep in my heart... along with so many others.


You are with me, my angel, in my heart, every second of every minute of every day. 

You. Are. With. Me.  







Monday, January 14, 2013

Never Once

Ok, I'm doing better.

It always helps to be covered in prayers.

It's my favorite place to be, covered in loving friends' prayers.

Yesterday, while I was just typing typing typing my little soul onto the page, my little vietnamese lovelies were cleaning the house.  It was pretty precious.

I've been very sad, because of the loss of some precious people (my friend Elaine Holliday's mom passed away this weekend, another precious soul) and it just SUCKS, all this pain in my heart from loss.

Loss of Ellie Kate, loss of Floyd, loss of Reba, along with the loss of my freedom as I knew it, the loss of income (though it is slowly rebuilding, I can't help but feel anxious), the reality of the change coming with the move of my daughter, Kip, as she travels to California to follow her heart and life out there.  It's just overwhelming.   I know life marches on, and I accept all these things, and I feel God's hand in all of it, even the losses, but I still can't help but feel sad...a deep sad, that only a continual relationship can heal and get me through.

My bestest friend and resident shrink, Cyndi, figured out the majority of my anxiety this morning.  In giving up facebook, I've given up "my personal time", my "only for me" stuff.  I don't have a lot of "only for me" pleasures.  My facebook was my escape from the pressures of work, home...it is my "support" system (if you will) that keeps me lifted up.  My friends pour into me, as I share this journey, and in the whop-sidedness, which is my life, of being a single mom, and doing most of this on my own, all I have is my social network.  LOL

But this fast has revealed so much to me.  If all of that were to be gone tomorrow, I'd still have an incredible support system through Jesus.  He supplies my needs, He gives me grace, His support of my role in this life, is non ending.  The only person holding Him back from the fullness of His love for me....ironically, was me.

He .  Is.  Always.  There.

Even when I don't deserve it.

He.  Is.  Forever.  Faithful.

Even in my darkest days.

He.  Is.  My.  Constant.   Strength.

When I feel my weakest.

All I have to Do Is Look to Him.

He. Is. Always.  There.

I didn't fully understand the depth of my need for Him, until now.   Without God, I am nothing.  He can calm my soul, fill me with joy, and give me peace in pain.

 He.is.Faithful.  and Never ONCE will  He leave me.





Sunday, January 13, 2013

The Chapters of your LIfe

I attended the funeral of the girls' great uncle yesterday.  It was such a joyful homecoming.  I always am so sad, when a preacher stands in front of the church, at the end of someone's life, and have no idea who they are, or what they meant to everyone.  They say inane things, and try to comfort a family they don't know, and say empty words.

That to me is the saddest funeral.

Yesterday's funeral was a homecoming.  The preacher knew Floyd, inside and out, and intimately knew the family, and every word from his mouth was a sincere, loving farewell.

That is rare these days.  The picture he painted, we all knew.  Every word he spoke was truth, and poignant.

He called him a "gentleman's gentleman" and truer words could not be spoken..

We are studying "Your Story" at church.  I am not proud of some of my chapters.  I have made many mistakes in my life, and the legacy I was leaving, was not something I was proud of.

The beautiful thing about grace.....God gives it.  And I received it.  Floyd's chapters were all about integrity, and hard work and commitment to the Lord and his family.

There is no greater legacy to leave.

I'm really struggling these days.  The enemy all over my heart.  I know it, I see it, I feel it, and I still feel powerless to overcome it.

I'm not sure how much longer I am going to be able to foster.  It is so much harder than I ever dreamed it to be.  I am so tired, and so overwhelmed, and so defeated.

The kids are doing great.  Don't get me wrong, I'm the weak one.  I'm the selfish one.  I'm the one that longs for a quiet house, a long bath, being alone for an evening.

None of these things can happen.  I'm being selfish, but I am so tired.  I feel I keep another woman's children so she can live scott free.  That's the enemy all over me, but I can't help how I feel.  I'm hoping in putting it to  writing, I can overcome the anger I feel at a woman I don't know.

I raised three children.  Or two, and am still raising one.  I've worked my whole life.  I don't understand how a person can live with their self and NOT be doing everything in their power to get their kids back.  This lady assumes her kids are better off, and isn't even trying.

And if I give up, I'm a punk.  They go back to the shelter, or even worse, a terrible foster home.  If I stay the course, I get more bitter and more angry, and end up a black hole.

I need prayers to rain on me.  I don't know how I can keep doing this.  I'm a terrible selfish person, because all I want is my life back.  And it's not MINE to take back, I've given it to the Lord, and this is HIS will, and HIS call, and HIS direction.

I understand the stages of grief.  They are even evident in foster care.  Right now I'm in "ANGER" stage, and it's sucking the joy.  SATAN, I am over it.

No one said it would be easy.

I just didn't know it would be so hard.

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

In Losing a Great Man

I am sad this evening because one of my favorite men died today.  It is Carl's Uncle Floyd, and my girl's great uncle Floyd, and they've always been special because he and the girls' grandpa (who are brothers) married sisters, and the whole family was a rocking barrel of fun and laughs and the same people at every gathering, and in the middle of the loud,  crazy chaos, sat Floyd.

And usually, not too far from him, sat Lacey, because she totally adored him.

He looked innocent as a bird, but those of us that know him, knows that he was a mess.  He was a quiet, unassuming man, that had a steel trap mind for business and loved his wife and sons fiercely.  He loved the Lord, he loved baseball, he LOVED his grandkids.  He could zing funnies faster than I could process them, and I LOVED to spend time with him and Betty.

It gives me great comfort this evening, as I grieve this gentle man, to know that my precious bug has her Great Great Uncle Floyd up there with her, loving on her, and delighting her, as he always delighted me.

The hardest thing about getting older myself, is watching the generation ahead of me, pull into the finish line.  I don't like it one bit, and yet, there is NOTHING, absolutely NOTHING I can do about it.

Cherish your family, especially the generation of wisdom that is rapidly and painfully going.  I take comfort in knowing that Floyd, despite his family's protest, insisted on driving he and Betty to Kingston for the family get together at Christmas.  That was just weeks ago.  Death came suddenly, and though I am thankful for a quick passing, I am heartbroken for the loss of the patriarch.

The only peace I have is knowing that all my older generation will be waiting for me in heaven.  That gives me hope, but it doesn't help my sad and weary heart.

Pray for Betty, and their sons, Charles and Ken, and their wives and children.  Pray for the remaining Deaton siblings, and all the family that love and will miss him, every day for the rest of our lives.

Rest in peace, dear one, Rest in Peace.


Life Boat

Lacey sent me a rally text this morning.

Then she must have said something on Facebook about me being down, because my phone just exploded.

Mercy, I have incredible friends.

She encouraged me to listen to KLOVE at my desk (Done that for months), to keep Youversion app close on my phone (Check), and to stay immersed in prayer (done).  I'm doing the dang thing, as hard as I can, yet here comes the Devil.

He is seriously ticked that I am fasting, and holding true to my intimacy with God. 

He is showing up in form of depression, and accidents, and work stress, and petty crappy things that normally just roll off my back.

I LOATHE the enemy.

He is always there to poke poke poke at the fabric of your life to get you to focus off of God.

He has showed up in the form of accidents in LB's little life.  He had a tough weekend at respite.  He is 100% boy, and had another little boy there, and he busted his chin, banged his knee, and then we had that tooth pulled Monday, and on the heels of that, yesterday at after school care, he faceplanted on his cheek and I'm not convinced it's not broken.  It's swollen and bruised and he doesn't even look like himself today, he is so swollen and blue.  I'm not sure what they can do for a broken cheek except kiss it, so I gave him ibuprofen and sent him off to school.

Lovely has been such a joy, and even she is having issues.  Super duper home sick, and even though she doesn't want to go home, she LONGS for home.  It's so hard.  We are super fun and ridiculously loud, and keep them tremendously safe (except for hourly accidents), yet they LONG for home.  I think it's like anything, it's not the reality they are wanting, it's the dream of what they want.  They both are totally fine staying with me until they age out (and that may happen), but they LONG for their home.

I get that.  And it tears me up.  No matter how many shoes we buy, or games we play, I can't be that real mom for them.  Now, don't get me wrong, they love me, but I'm just a stand in for the real thing. 

And Hallie.  Dealing with 14 year old hormones, and normal teenage stuff, and then the enemy swarming her, because he likes that.....  Whoa.

DEVIL, Get BEHIND ME and MY FAMILY.

GET THE HELL BEHIND ME.

You WILL not destroy my bliss.  You WILL NOT take my joy.  YOU WILL NOT, CAN NOT STOP MY quest for God's will in my life.

So GO back to Hell, there is NO ROOM FOR YOU HERE.

A-stinking-men.

For one thing, my friends are better than your friends and they will kick your sorry satan tail.  True story.

Love you all.


Tuesday, January 8, 2013

The enemy within

Fasting is tough.

I think when you are intentionally doing something to make you more spirit filled, you should be walking around in a happy cloud of euphoria.

Not me.

The enemy moves in and does all he can do to capture my bliss.

I'm so down, and defeated today.  I shouldn't be.  Nothing is any different today than last week, or the week before, or last Sunday.

It's just perspective.

No one really knows what to expect when you do something different.  You're trying something different right?  Usually, if it doesn't work out, you just do something else, until you find a way to weed through life more effective and comfortable.

When you are stretching to find your potential through God's eyes, you are so stretched out of your comfort zone, you can't even use the words "comfort or zone", they just don't fit at all.

I know I'm supposed to be doing this deal, but I am so overwhelmed.  I'm throwing class in the mix next week, too, just to add insult to injury.  And it's about leadership.   Wheeeeee......which way did they go? how many were there? I must find them, for I am their leader......   Yeah.

Pray for me, friends.  I have one good nerve left, and it's frayed around the edges.  I need prayers like never before.  I want to get on facebook and wail about it, and have 60 people tell me it's going to be ok.  But, the beautiful thing about testing yourself outside of your comfort zone....

Only one thing has to be ok with your situation, and when you are your most broken, that's when you just give it to Him to handle.

Handle it, oh Lord.  I can't drive this bus by myself.

Monday, January 7, 2013

Turn your frown Upsidedown

I've been down all day.

I woke up feeling down, and haven't been able to shake it all day.

Lacey sent me a facebook comment from my "other" daughter Amanda Ray (Melba Pulliam's kid) and that cheered me up considerably.

I'm just missing my friends.

That's all.

I probably didn't think the whole "Facebook fast" through very well.  It's one thing to deprive yourself of food, but an ENTIRELY different thing altogether to remove yourself from  your social life.

And I have entertaining things to say, for.the.love.

It's really the hardest thing I've ever done.  It's like trying to stop smoking, I'm thinking, except there is no patch or pill to get you through.

So I blog.  And I read my bible, and I pray.  And I tell myself that 2 weeks from tomorrow, I am plugged back into the world.

I'm sad, because I need to talk about Laynie's blood drive in memory of her birthday.  January 21st at the Midwest City Community Church of the Nazarene on 15th & Post (in their gym), we will be having our memorial blood drive.

Lacey's afraid we won't have 20 people show.   I have faith that "If we have it, They will come".  Laynie's shirts are just about ready to show (Team HOPE 2013), and order, and we are pumped about them.  The run is on March 23 in El Reno, and everyone that has participated in it, knows just how much fun and how great it is.  I'm even going to attempt the 5k this year (Says the chick that is still nursing sore muscles from climbing stairs at the gym watching Hallie this weekend) (Sad.but.true.)

I don't have my normal readership going on, because Lacey is kind enough to post, but if people aren't our mutual friends, and don't actually click on my page, they aren't seeing my blog, so I'm down a bunch on people reading.

Seems I'm not THAT famous.

But don't tell that little VIetnamese boy that lives with me.   He really thinks we are.  He got a tooth pulled today, and is still in major shock over the whole "numbing" experience.  I'm just hoping it wakes up sometime this week.  He is now so excited that the tooth fairy is going to come.  (Oh I hope she stays awake, she's an old sucker)

But this evening, I feel better.  I'm still overwhelmed, stressed to my teeth, so much on my plate, so many balls in the air, it feels over the top out of control.

But there I stand, juggling the plates, praying for a miracle.

That's just the way I roll.

Sunday, January 6, 2013

Hotel Rooms and Volleyball Moms

We had our first "real" tournament this weekend.

By "real", I mean we went out of town, and spent the night in a hotel with the whole team.

Thankfully, our "whole team" consists of eight 14 year old girls, but if you take into consideration their age and the proximity in which we carry ourselves in a 48 hour period, it feels more like 26 fourteen year old girls.

Ok, I'm kidding.

I've been around girls.  LOTS of girls for the last, well, 50 years.

And this group of 8, is pretty terrific.

For one thing, they are all focused on volleyball.  Most of them live, eat and breathe volleyball.  Sure, they are distracted by boys, and drama, and Ryan Gosling, but they all LOVE volleyball.

They took 5th this weekend in a 16 team tournament.

That ain't too shabby.

They had moments of BRILLIANCE.  When they finally understand that they can be JUST as GOOD as anyone out there, they are going to be unstoppable.  They have amazing servers, an amazing Libero, and that BLOCKER, well, she is just holy smokies good.

She got a shirt today that says  "iBlock".  

Get it?

We had all the girls in our room last night.  Apparently, we made the cut as the "cool" room.  Then they saw me in my pj's, and changed their minds.

We got them playing games, and had the notebook on in the background, and discussed Ryan Gosling's finer attributes and laughed, and coughed, and squealed and coughed some more, and tried to break each others ears being the loudest.

It was special.

Meanwhile the lovelies had a terrific time at their respite.  Cheri and her husband, Bart were so amazing to the kids, and LB fell out of top bunk, slipped down the stairs on his butt, scraped his knee, and faceplanted in the back yard on his chin.  His take, "Best fun".    He was in Boy Town Hog Heaven.  He never even gets the opportunity to have those kinds of things happen at our house.  Lovely did great, but she was happy to be home, back to her "mansion" here.

I feel the same way.

I feel so disconnected from reality, not being on facebook.  I still think in status updates, and when Lacey said something SOO funny yesterday (ok, several times), I had to repeat it like 12 times to pretend I had put it on facebook.  It's bad.

15 days.


Friday, January 4, 2013

Small Boys and Toenail Clippings



Here's what I know to be true.  In 12 hours you feel better.

My small vietnamese boy popped right out of bed this morning, and declared, "Lolly, I'm well!" and I was so relieved, because my stomach was turning inside out.

But 12 hours later.  Perfection.

Hallie and Lacey left for Tulsa tonight to go to Hallie's first official volleyball tournament.  I am heading up there tomorrow morning, after I drop the Lovely's to their very first respite weekend.

I have to tell you.  I wasn't really sure I would ever let them go anywhere else, and then God delivered to me, in form of a friend at church, a fellow Lifer mom (my age) that is gearing up for Foster care.    "Will you respite", I gasped when I heard.....  "Oh YES I can" (said in the best BOB THE  BUILDER tone).

And she has stepped up to the plate for all the serious out of towners, like Kansas City and Ft Smith.  The lovelies are a bit hesitant, as this is the first time they have ever been treated decently in a foster home, but they have faith in me, and I have faith in my fellow Life Mom..... so I am about to have 2 free days.  

I say free, but I mean chained to a stadium seat, biting my nails into bloody nubs, watching Hallie play.  Her team is great, our enthusiasm is high, and we have matching shirts, so this should be good. 

I'm excited about being in Tulsa.  I love Tulsa.  Any Tulsa people see this and want to come over and hang with us, just text me and I'll tell you where I am.  As soon as I figure out where I am.  (Tulsa turns me around and upsidedown)

Took the lovelies for haircuts tonight, as not to frighten their respite provider.  Lovely's had grown to quite an impressive halo, and LB's was pretty long too, so it was time.

While there, LB decided to tell the hair stylist that we were famous, and gave her the spiel on the box of money.  I could tell she was half listening, because LB wound up, is a fast talking, fast moving, 200 mile an hour tornado of all boy.  I saw her tune in on "Box of money", and then she started asking questions.  I let him answer her, and then she said,  "Oh, THAT your foster mom?"  (really, do these people think I have a REALLY strong DNA vietnamese husband somewhere?  this happens a LOT), to which she told them... "You kids lucky, most foster kids don't get haircuts".   LB just stared at her a minute, thought for a millisecond, and replied, "Oh, Lolly don't do dat.  She wants our ears showing".   

Neat. 

Then he proceeded to show her his shoes and new coat, and she was like,  "What?"   Lovely solemnly looked her in the eye, and said,  "Lolly is our homegirl".    Then she hugged me as she was leaving so hard, she squeezed my liver into a cirrhosis state. 

Fast forward to after packing their suitcases (which I got them duffel bags, so they'd have a bag) and carrying them around like weirdos.... I told LB to let me clip his really long girl fingernails and sloth looking toenails.  I love to make him bellylaugh, he can't breathe and it makes me feel like I am a comedian or something, and by the time I worked through 10 fingers and 10 toes, he was gasping. 

"Lolly, no one take care of us like you do".

Oh, my heart.

It's been 8 weeks.  I look at Lovely and can hardly believe it's the same kid.  LB has a little boy face now, and is quick to laugh, and when he gets his glasses, he might even start enjoying reading and tv more. 

Somedays I think I might never get through another day, and then something precious happens, and I know that there is No Where on Earth I would rather be, and nothing I would rather be doing.

Thursday, January 3, 2013

Eyeglasses and Hurlingg

LB came to me with no glasses.

I was reading through his IEP (which is code for "we aren't sure how to teach him, so here goes nothing)** and noticed that one of the teachers said something about his glasses.  I asked him about him, and he assured me, "Oh, it ok, Lolly, I just need them to see".

Oh, is that all??

Just to see?

He never complains so I kind of forgot about it, (because I am freak old and forgetful) until I was watching him struggle to read this weekend.  Lacey bought him some weather books for his birthday (The kid is a FREAK about tornados and earthquakes, almost "rain man" in his fascination with them) and the writing was small, he squinted and squinted and finally just gave up.  I knew that he would NEVER lay that book down on purpose, so upon questioning, it's true... He only needs them to see.

Took him to the eye doc today (cute Dr. Bagg in Norman) and the prescription in his old glasses was no where at ALL what he needed.  Fixed him up with the cutest frames imaginable (he really is going to be so adorable in these bad boys).  Should be ready in a week or so.

Meanwhile, I'm on lunch and having to get back hard to work, and drop LB off at school.  2 hours later, the school nurse is calling me, telling me that he is in the office crying and saying how bad his stomach hurts.

For.the.everloving.love.

By the time I get him home, he has turned a nice shade of pale green and I no more rush him to the bathroom when up comes everything he's eaten in the last week.

Have I ever mentioned I don't do puke?

At all.

Nada.

E.v.e.r.

My girls will tell you that if they ever threw up, I would stand at the bathroom door and launch a wet washcloth toward the sound of them, with the door slightly cracked (as not to hear anything) and pretty much tell them "God Speed".   So, my girls rarely puked.  Except Hallie.  She could breath and puke.  But she is low maintenance, and pretty much just puked and went on.  Handy for a sympathy hurling mama.  I seriously wish I were kidding here.  So, not.  Not a proud moment for me.

So fast foward to today, to my puking vietnamese child who loves me more than donuts.  Am I suppose to stand at the door and hurl a rag at him?

Would I sleight my other children if I gave him a bit of attention in his hour of serious need?  Did I dare subject myself to the germ, in fear it will be me hurling at the toilet tomorrow?

This all whipped through my head in about a 5 second interval, and I bravely stepped up to the plate,  er, toilet,  laid the rag on the back of his neck and solemnly stood there while the little boy hurled.

Oh yes.   I did.

To my credit, I only gagged twice.  I was very proud of myself.  And when he fell to the floor in exhaustion, I put a pillow under his head and covered him with a blanket.   I remember being sick like that once and it gave me great comfort to stay that close to the toilet.  Wait, that was my colonscopy prep.   Oh, the flashbacks.....

Anyhoo... seems everyone in the continental US has some sort of this stomach thing and the PA called him in some stuff to dissolve under his tongue, and after a glass of sweet tea, the little boy seems to be rallying.  No fever.  Just a bad tummy.  He tried to blame it on tacos, but I ain't buying.

Lovely burnt the everloving snot out of her tongue and roof of her mouth last night, because she couldn't wait for her food to cool, so she is a bit off her self tonight too.

So, let's review.  Sick LB, Sick Lovely and oh, did I mention I am sick too?  I think it's from facebook withdrawal, and unable to be writing status updates as frequently as I need to.  I have updatefrenzyitis.  It manifests itself into a sore throat when too much wit is stored in your brain.  It's happening all the time.

It's truly sad how I condense everything funny in a moment, into a fun status update.  It's a sickness.  I have a running diatribe in my head of witty one liners I can zing on facebook.

Pathetic.

I wonder if anyone even misses me.  I miss me.  I actually endured puke today and didn't get to have a facebook update about it.

But the beautiful thing is, God and I sure had a good chuckle about it, and I know He "Liked" it.

Maybe even "loved" it.

I'm living the dream people, living the dream.

**I've always wanted to do this(**)so here goes. Seriously, I meant no disrespect whatsoever to any teacher involved with ANY student in the world of IEP land.   That has to be the most overwhelming thing I have ever dealt with.  I was blessed with incredibly overachieving children that didn't have a learning disability, and most people have no idea how blessed they are to have healthy, learning children.  This is something, many many people have no idea is out there.  if you have no idea what I am talking about when I say IEP, count yourself very freaking lucky.   Amen.

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Fasting ain't for sissies

Every year in January for the past few years, Hallie and I have fasted from something that we are highly addicted to for 21 days.  I usually do a Daniel Fast, and this is when I finally came off DDP last year.  Now I am just as addicted to Tea and sweetener, but I think that has to be healthier than the aspartame in soda.  I feel better, anyway, so that's a plus.

Well this year, with the advent of the Lovelies, and Hallie playing club volleyball, we couldn't give up the carbs, protein and sugar she needs to load up for practice and games.  Plus, feeding the lovelies veggies all month might make them yell in protest, so instead, I've given up Facebook.

Yes.  For 21 days.

I have already started having sweats and shakes.  The withdrawal from this social media, may be far harder than EVER coming off of Soda, and caffeine.

I reached for my phone every single time I was idle today.  It's really concerning how much time I spend on that site.

So, I'm doing the dang thing.  I grabbed my kindle and instead of surfing the web, I jumped into the book,  "Not a Fan", and I have to tell you.... it rocked my world.

It talks about how Christians are either followers of Jesus or Fans.  And there is a BIG difference.

I am really enjoying hearing this man's take on it.  Plus, I started my journey through the bible again this year (having taken last year off) and am back in Genesis.  It's interesting to read the things I wrote in the bible on my first FULL journey through it.

Yes,  I am a Christ Follower and when I finally got REAL about following Him, I wanted to read His word, so I immersed myself in it.  And in the margins of Genesis 3 I wrote  "Run from anything that stimulates youthful lust.  Follow anything that makes you want to do right.  Pursue faith and love and peace and enjoy the companionship of those that call on the Lord."

In the book, "Not a Fan", I read a LOT aboout DYING to oneself today.  I've never really understood what that means.  And the best and most concise way to explain it is this.  I wanted to log into facebook today.  It called me and beckoned me, and I really wanted to do it.  BUT, my love for God is stronger than facebook. My love for God holds the key to all my life support, and I made a vow and promise that I wouldn't get on Facebook, and I am going to "Die" to the need to do that.  God is more important.  And I want Him to know that by sacrificially giving up something I hold in high regard.

Everyone's "Dying to themself" is different.  Maybe you like to eat.  Maybe you like men (or women), or Porn.  Maybe you are living with a boyfriend outside of marriage.  Maybe you are stealing from work, or lying to a friend.  Everyone's "Thing" looks different.  In order to REALLY pursue a relationship with God, He asks, no, COMMANDS, you to Die to Yourself.   You have to give up what YOU hold important and by surrender, follow Him.

This trips people up, now.  WHAT???  Give up my stuff?   Don't have that PARTY?   Don't watch that R rated movie???  But, God is FORGIVING and will FORGIVE me.

Well sure He will, but if you want a REAL relationship with Him, you got to give up the way of the world and walk that narrow, winding path.

It's weird, and inconvenient, and He tells you things like, Keep Vietnamese kids, and sell your house, and consider more kids, and give so generously, you have NOTHING.

And then, when you do, and you least expect a miracle....There HE is with one.  Everyone gripes and gripes that God doesn't answer their prayers.  Or He is SOO Slow.

Look in the mirror.  If you have someone you are crushing on in a major way, and you only text them on Sunday one time for an hour or so, and then don't show back up to see them or talk to them, until the next Sunday, how long you think they are going to stick around???

Not too long.

Pursue a relationship with someone that LONGS for you.  And when you look for Him, and learn about Him, and immerse yourself in Him.....He'll be there.

All the time.   Through anything.

Don't be a fan.  Be a follower.



Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Snips and snails and puppy dog tails

This sickness stuff wears me out.

All the kleenex blowing, and coughing and complaining. 

And that's just me. 

LB got some body spray (Axe, "Ripped Abs") from Christmas from my niece, Lindsay, and he decided that he needed to spray MOST of the bottle on him yesterday.

I am still gasping for air, in this house.  I think if he had put a tiny bit on, it would have been decent.  But it's permeating every single fiber in this house, and I'm thinking it's forever in my nose.  I can't quit sneezing.

I feel so bad for him.  He was DYING to talk to his mom this evening, so I had him call her, and after a cursory 10 seconds for him, she asked for Lovely.  It broke LB's heart.  and mine. 

For.the.love.

This little boy is so starved for boy time.  If there are men friends out there that read this....I need someone to adopt him and do men things with him.   I had a boy babysitter come over here, and that was closest to heaven on earth he's been.   Kip's beau, Brandon, was only here a couple of hours, and he made such an impression, if LB hears ANYTHING about California, he assumes that Brandon is in on it.  For example, at the election results night, when we were waiting on California's results, he commented, "I bet Brandon took all his friends and voted for O'Romney", and today during the Tournament of Roses parade, "Lolly, where this parade happening?"  to my absentminded,  "Uhm, California?"....to which I hear him comment,  "I bet Brandon's there."

Makes my heart hurt.   Maybe I should do Big Brothers/Big Sisters?  And just get a Big Brother?  This is when I wished I had a guy friend.  I mean I have guy friends, but you know what I mean.    I got the girl thing down pat, but this boy stuff, is over my head.

My respite provider, Cheri, is gearing up for getting her fosters and she is thinking she is going to get 4 boys (AT ONCE)  brothers??....  all I know is PRAY for her, because WOW, 4 at once, for the first time will be a major trial by fire.  I like boys, they are easy, and you just buy jeans and tshirts and get their hair cut a lot, and keep guns with nerf bullets and hot wheels around, and for the most part they are good to go.

I'm figuring it out, but I sure would love some guys to hang out with my guy. 

Anybody got ideas, I'm all ears.