Never Once

Ok, I'm doing better.

It always helps to be covered in prayers.

It's my favorite place to be, covered in loving friends' prayers.

Yesterday, while I was just typing typing typing my little soul onto the page, my little vietnamese lovelies were cleaning the house.  It was pretty precious.

I've been very sad, because of the loss of some precious people (my friend Elaine Holliday's mom passed away this weekend, another precious soul) and it just SUCKS, all this pain in my heart from loss.

Loss of Ellie Kate, loss of Floyd, loss of Reba, along with the loss of my freedom as I knew it, the loss of income (though it is slowly rebuilding, I can't help but feel anxious), the reality of the change coming with the move of my daughter, Kip, as she travels to California to follow her heart and life out there.  It's just overwhelming.   I know life marches on, and I accept all these things, and I feel God's hand in all of it, even the losses, but I still can't help but feel sad...a deep sad, that only a continual relationship can heal and get me through.

My bestest friend and resident shrink, Cyndi, figured out the majority of my anxiety this morning.  In giving up facebook, I've given up "my personal time", my "only for me" stuff.  I don't have a lot of "only for me" pleasures.  My facebook was my escape from the pressures of work, home...it is my "support" system (if you will) that keeps me lifted up.  My friends pour into me, as I share this journey, and in the whop-sidedness, which is my life, of being a single mom, and doing most of this on my own, all I have is my social network.  LOL

But this fast has revealed so much to me.  If all of that were to be gone tomorrow, I'd still have an incredible support system through Jesus.  He supplies my needs, He gives me grace, His support of my role in this life, is non ending.  The only person holding Him back from the fullness of His love for me....ironically, was me.

He .  Is.  Always.  There.

Even when I don't deserve it.

He.  Is.  Forever.  Faithful.

Even in my darkest days.

He.  Is.  My.  Constant.   Strength.

When I feel my weakest.

All I have to Do Is Look to Him.

He. Is. Always.  There.

I didn't fully understand the depth of my need for Him, until now.   Without God, I am nothing.  He can calm my soul, fill me with joy, and give me peace in pain.

 He.is.Faithful.  and Never ONCE will  He leave me.