For everyone that reads my stuff, you know that Lifechurch's "At the Movies" is my favorite series (hands down) of the year.
This week was....well.......ridiculous.
I say that my life has been in two parts.
Before Laynie, I wasn't walking on God's path. I was meandering through life, in a hurry, don't mess with me, I want to make money, I need to get to the next day, stay out of my way....kind of life.
Then Laynie Came.
And my world, as I knew it, changed.
Today's message was about fleeting time. And how quickly life passes by, when you don't even know what happened.
When Laynie was born, I was forced to live in the "here and now". We weren't allowed the luxury to "project" about her life. We didn't dream of birthdays, of crawling, of walking, kindergarten. We didn't have that chance to dream with her.
We lived out, full out, in the moment....every. Single. Day.
She was a tiny gift from God, showing us how to grasp the beauty of the moment. And boy, did we learn.
I find myself, these days, slipping back into old patterns. I find myself worrying about having enough money, figuring out Hallie's college options, where should she go?, worrying about having a kindergartener (Today at church, when I picked him up from his class, his buddy piped up, "Hey is that your grandma?" Zachary sheepishly looked at me. I stopped by the drugstore and bought some color for my hair)...... Just things like that.
I compound it all, worrying about crap that just doesn't matter, and miss the joy of the day. In the movie we talked about today, "About Time"..... he gets the privilege of re-living days. In one scene, that TRULY spoke to me....it showed him rushing through his day, just antagonized by EVERYTHING...... and when he re-lived it, (knowing the outcome of the day)....he REALLY truly, lived in the moment, and appreciated every small thing of the day.
That hit me right in the gut. I rush. I yell at cars in traffic. I drive 3 kids to 3 different schools Every. Single. day. While I am driving, I am going through my head, all the half a million things I have to do that day. I don't talk to them, I hardly breathe, because all I can think of is how to earn a living to keep our lives moving. And how to be both a mom AND a dad AND a provider for all my children.
I miss. Everything. I lay in bed at night and vow to do the next day different, and do I? No.
Hallie will be leaving my home and going to college in 24 months. If she picks West Point Academy (which is courting her hard), I will see her twice a year for a couple of days. For the next 3-4 years of her life. Our time is fleeting.
I spent the weekend at Women of Faith, and listened to incredible women I have watched and enjoyed over the years (They've been at it 20 years and I've seen them 15 years of the 20), and heard them say their farewells. They have finished their Women of Faith race (many of them almost 80) and are handing the baton over to Jen Hatmaker and friends. End of an era.
I live life so fast, if I don't write it down, I forget it. I know I am living the life God gave me, but I feel so burdened some days, and I don't want to live like that.
I guess all I'm trying to say is, wherever you are in your life...... Slow Down, REALLY slow down and appreciate everything you are handed, on a deeper level.
This is your only Sunday, July 26, 2015 you will ever have.
Embrace it, and really, really LIVE.
Thursday, July 9, 2015
When Lacey had her ultrasound and found out about Laynie, our lives shifted in ways that are inexplicable. Whereas most people would have given up, and took the "easy" path, Lacey didn't waver from the task set before her.
And the BLESSINGS we would have missed. And the LESSONS we would have not experienced. And the LOVE we were IMMERSED in.
It was a tiny gift of time that I would never change. I felt more joy, more pain, more love, more sadness, more grace, more acceptance than I have ever felt in my life. Without Laynie, none of that would have been possible.
I'm overwhelmed everyday by the amount of people that were touched by our tiny gift's story. And how she impacted so many lives. I'm honored and humbled to have played a part in that, by discovering my writing and feeling led to share her story. What if we had kept quiet? and not shared her lessons? Who would that have impacted? How different everything would be!
Whatever challenge you are facing, do NOT lose HOPE. You've always heard the old saying, "God brought you to it, He will lead you THROUGH it."
IT IS TRUE. SO TRUE.
We saw it...One day at a time, one miracle at a time....over and over and over for 898 miraculous days.
And now we have her little brother here. And get to experience miracles and joy through his precious eyes. Not too many little boys have big sisters in heaven to watch over them, and 5 year old vietnamese uncles on earth to play with.
This one does.....and a big ole crazy family to love him and cherish him.
Be sure and wear purple July 10.....and let the HOPE of Laynie spread over all of your lives.
Love and peace to all....
Friday, July 3, 2015
I made a bunch of new "mom" friends, and the girls....well, they were spectacularlish.
This beauty queen is Kadie Grace. She is the setter for Hal's rotation, and that little tiny body can dish a serve out like nobody's business. She is model gorgeous, and is so kind and so goofy to her teammates, and she keeps them smiling and having fun, and that takes a lot to make that work, when you are in intense game modes. Her dad is the assistant coach, and I think he only broke about 4-5 pair of glasses this year, twisting and throwing them to the floor. He challenged Hallie as hard, if not harder, than anyone has to this point in her short volleyball career, and believes in her without question. Her mama....well, you have to get your model looks from someone, and since they clearly didn't come from her dad...(lol)...her mom is a H.O.T.T.I.E. We are kindred spirits in that their family adopted two little boys also, and we are in this adult children/raising babies thing together. The Dewey's are a class act. That's for sure.
And I guess I'd be remiss in not mentioning the guy in all the pictures, Coach Will Ethridge. The head coach at Santa Fe HS, and father of 3 girls of his own, nothing these weirdos did even fazed him. I could always tell when the tenseness of the game was getting to him...it would start with a forehead rub, a chin rub, and then escalate to the hat being whipped off and the top of the head rubbed, followed by the hat being mashed back on his head. If you saw all three (the forehead rub, the chin rub, the head rub AND the hat mashed back on the head), you would know a TIMEOUT was coming, and Holy Moses. Watch out. Ok, not really. Cough. He's a great coach, he led these girls to the national championship. Now that's saying something.
It's going to be tough playing these girls across the net, when school ball starts up. Thankfully, school ball only lasts 3 months, and Club lasts forever. (Only in the $ sense) It's been so much fun traveling, and hanging out with this chicas and their families these last 7 months. They are an amazing power to be reckoned with together, and I pray that next year club's season is just as fun!
Here is the link for the ESPN National Championship game.
It's a gut wrencher, especially that third stupid game. :)
But my most FAVORITE part, was Hal's realization on Sunday (after everything was over)...
"Mom, we were all soooooo bummed we lost regionals, but if we hadn't lost, we wouldn't have come to Florida, and we wouldn't have made it to the ESPN center and got to experience all of that. And I wouldn't have been in Florida with Rachel to get a bid to the beach Junior Olympics in California(in 3 weeks). I guess, sometimes when things don't go your way, you just need to know that it's for a reason, and something better is coming."
From the mouths of teens.......Priceless.
Because Life is so much better with friends.