Time

For everyone that reads my stuff, you know that Lifechurch's "At the Movies" is my favorite series (hands down) of the year. 

This week was....well.......ridiculous.

I say that my life has been in two parts. 

Before Laynie.

and.

After Laynie. 

Before Laynie, I wasn't walking on God's path.  I was meandering through life, in a hurry, don't mess with me, I want to make money, I need to get to the next day, stay out of my way....kind of life. 

Then Laynie Came. 

And my world, as I knew it, changed. 

Today's message was about fleeting time.   And how quickly life passes by, when you don't even know what happened. 

When Laynie was born, I was forced to live in the "here and now".  We weren't allowed the luxury to "project" about her life.  We didn't dream of birthdays, of crawling, of walking, kindergarten.  We didn't have that chance to dream with her. 

We lived out, full out, in the moment....every. Single. Day.

She was a tiny gift from God, showing us how to grasp the beauty of the moment.  And boy, did we learn. 

I find myself, these days, slipping back into old patterns.  I find myself worrying about having enough money, figuring out Hallie's college options, where should she go?,  worrying about having a kindergartener (Today at church, when I picked him up from his class, his buddy piped up, "Hey is that your grandma?"  Zachary sheepishly looked at me.  I stopped by the drugstore and bought some color for my hair)......  Just things like that. 

I compound it all, worrying about crap that just doesn't matter, and miss the joy of the day.  In the movie we talked about today, "About Time"..... he gets the privilege of re-living days.  In one scene, that TRULY spoke to me....it showed him rushing through his day, just antagonized by EVERYTHING...... and when he re-lived it, (knowing the outcome of the day)....he REALLY truly, lived in the moment, and appreciated every small thing of the day. 

That hit me right in the gut.  I rush.  I yell at cars in traffic.  I drive 3 kids to 3 different schools Every. Single. day.   While I am driving, I am going through my head, all the half a million things I have to do that day.  I don't talk to them, I hardly breathe, because all I can think of is how to earn a living to keep our lives moving.  And how to be both a mom AND a dad AND a provider for all my children. 

I miss. Everything.  I lay in bed at night and vow to do the next day different, and do I?   No. 

Hallie will be leaving my home and going to college in 24 months.  If she picks West Point Academy (which is courting her hard), I will see her twice a year for a couple of days.  For the next 3-4 years of her life.  Our time is fleeting. 
 
I spent the weekend at Women of Faith, and listened to incredible women I have watched and enjoyed over the years (They've been at it 20 years and I've seen them 15 years of the 20), and heard them say their farewells.  They have finished their Women of Faith race (many of them almost 80) and are handing the baton over to Jen Hatmaker and friends.  End of an era.

I live life so fast, if I don't write it down, I forget it.  I know I am living the life God gave me, but I feel so burdened some days, and I don't want to live like that.

I guess all I'm trying to say is, wherever you are in your life...... Slow Down, REALLY slow down and appreciate everything you are handed, on a deeper level. 

This is your only Sunday, July 26, 2015 you will ever have.

Embrace it, and really, really LIVE.