Lacey replied, that "We'll never heal, we just get used to it".
Boy, is that so right.
Today would be Austin's 17th birthday. He had every bit of his life in front of him. He was just getting started. Little did we know that our Christmas getaway to his house last year, would be our last Christmas with him.
The Gaffney's were our "Getaway" from the pain we felt at all our loss over the past year. Who knew that this year, we would all be experiencing it again?
I have no words of comfort for his family, as they walk their steps of grief. It is a numbing, painful process, and the best and worst thing you can do is to just let them walk through it. I have a hard time making sense of it, and I hurt all kinds of pain for his mom and dad, sister and brother and sis in law, ..whom I love as much as you can love someone.
I read back on some of my old stuff, when I was in the middle of the grief and I want to share it here... because it still fits....
by Hope for Laynie on Friday, December 24, 2010 at 8:26am ·
I imagined Christmas being tough this year. No money for me to spend on presents, no Laynie to share the magic of the lights, the music, the tree. Walking past the toys and little girl clothes in the stores and pausing to look, then stoically moving on, picturing a little bald sweetheart, sitting in Jesus' lap, just talking His ear off. It got me through.
So, we chose to go to church on Christmas Eve Eve. We listened to the incredible music of Trent Austin and his wonderful worship set at the Edmond campus of Lifechurch. I remembered Laynie's face, and her wonder of church. She loved church. Church loved her. We listened to Craig's message, and let it soak into our hearts, our souls, and we remembered that worship doesn't happen just at church. Worship can happen wherever you are. And if you are in bad times, "worship forward". Don't dwell on the bad stuff you are mired in.... Think about the happier times to come, and let that be your cause for worship. That resonates with me, because I could be mired to my eyeballs right now, with worries and doubts. But I'm not. I know God has a plan for me that will really knock my socks off. I'm just saving my fork. (Grandma takes the plate at christmas, you are already stuffed to the gills with good food, and she whispers in your ear "save your fork"...and you know the best is yet to come.....DESSERT) ..... God's whispering in my ear right now "Save your fork"... and I'm excited. THRILLED. Overwhelmed with peace. It's pretty unbelieveable.
I'm going to finish here with something that 12 year old Hallie shared with me, when we were riding in the car the other day. "Mom, my friends thinks it's sad because Laynie died so young. When people don't know her story and you tell them she was 2 1/2, they get all sad and say "Oh, she was so young."...what they don't realize is she lived a WHOLE LIFE with us. We got her for so long, we lived a LIFE with her". And we did. We expected to have her a week. When we had her a month, we gave thanks and praise. When we had her 6 months, we sang thanks and praise. When we sang her 1 year happy birthday song to her, Lacey & I cried because we never dreamed it. Then her 2nd birthday. Then NINE months past when she should have by all rights, died...she lived on. We hadn't told her story.. we hadn't had a blood drive, we hadn't been bold in our faith. So we had her 9 more wonderful, incredible, picture filled months. Pictures that we can look to, and pour over, and never forget, a special little angel sent from God himself to teach us all. She is experiencing heaven first hand people, and I hear her precious little voice in my ear telling me to "Save your fork, Lolly..... the best is yet to come"...
Merry Christmas, friends and loves... Jesus IS truly the reason for the season. God bless you all through the holidays.
I still feel that way. I'm telling you, whatever pain you are feeling, whatever trial you are going through, to just "Save Your Fork"......the best is yet to come.....
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