Layer of Pain

LB had a hard day.

Best I can make sense of anything, he was attempting to work through some flash cards of math, and a little boy kept interrupting his thought process and he got ticked and ...well...... choked him.

Let's see, roller coaster status makes that a hard right, with whiplash thrown in.

I expect that from Lovely, but from LB????  I was just floored.  I knew I had to dole out discipline, as Lovely was listening HARD to see how I was going to treat this  (She had a similar incident last week, and I was REALLY unhappy with her), but when I had a sad faced LB confessing to me, then his worker telling me, "It just came out of left field".... My heart was so broken.

What a crap factory world these children have been exposed to.

I told LB that he was in trouble, and that he could go to bed early for making that choice.

Well.

These kids are VERY literal.  He came tearing in the house, and next thing I knew he was in PJ's and in his bed, sobbing his head off.

Well, slap my face, and call me Regretful.

Basic Kid Rearing 101 --  Punishments may not be equal for all children.  What's good for one, is not necesssarily right for the other.   Very EVIDENT in this outcome.  And with small vietnamese children, be VERY specific when saying something of importance.

I went in and closed the door, and by this time, he had worked himself into a hysterical panic.  I did, exactly what I would want if I was in a hysterical panic, I gathered him up, held him as close as I could get him to me, and held him, rocked him back and forth, and told him over and over that there is NOTHING he can do to make me not love him.  Even screwing up.

He tearfully confessed that he hated it, and he didn't know WHY he did it.  I told him that as long as he holds on to that part of his heart that is regretful and sad, and let that other side, that is mean and twisty go, he is going to be ok.

His number one concern was that the little boy would hate him.  I told him that a sincere apology, and being a better friend going forward would go a Long Way.

I hate that these kids only know violence as a way to react to conflict.  I hate that the things they have seen have affected them so deeply.  I hate the word HATE, but I hate hate hate what happened to my lovelies.

I'm still in shock.  You just think that a kid is perfectly fine, and the smallest thing will expose the deep damage done by a crazy life.

Layers.  Exposing them and figuring them out.

Breaks my heart and makes me remember how fragile and vulnerable these kids are.

Prayers for LB.  He's a dandy, and I believe in him.  Now if he can just believe in himself.