Lovely sang with her choir in the All City Concert on Tuesday. Grammie, LB and I accompanied her. I watched her prance on stage, and just knew in my head, she would launch out from the group, and do a solo dance in the middle of the stage, but instead she just looked for me and grinned a big grin, and waved. She also talked to EVERY breathing person as she was leaving, "You like the show? You see me sing?" I vacillate between pride and intense embarrassment at all times with her. She.Is.A.Mess.
IT's ok. It takes one to know one.
The news on BB is there is no news. The exception has made it up two levels and has one more to go. He needs massive help, I have come to find out. Apparently there are behaviors I wasn't aware of (And saw NO indication at my house). I think little dude is OVER where he is, and is doing whatever he needs to do to get out of that house.
I'm hoping I don't step on a landmine with him, and blow up the whole house.
It's hard to believe that a three year old has that much power.
It's been a hard week. Falling, stressing about BB, dealing with court, having a flat on the highway, Hallie breaking her BRAND new smart phone (which took her 3 years to talk me into and less than 2 weeks to break, and NO, I did not take insurance out on it), overwhelming amounts of death and families at work, and then most of all, NBC contemplating cancelling the tv show, Parenthood.
WHAT? No Braverman's? Have they done lost their minds?
My cousin, Shannon, wrote something so eloquent on her wall on facebook the other day, and I want to share it with you because it caught my heart.
"This house echoes with my desperate pleas for answers".
If you remember, my precious 16 year old cousin, Austin, drowned over Labor Day. His mom is begging for answers why.
There are so many hurting people out there. I deal with them every single day. And the hardest thing for me to hear is "WHY DID THIS HAPPEN?" because I have no answers for them. I can hold their hand and offer them a cookie, or some cashews, but I can't answer the one question they are begging for closure.
WHY DID THIS HAPPEN?
Life is tough. I truly believe we could never understand true joy, without intense sorrow. I remember reading once, that life is a railroad track, the good running right alongside the bad. Equal in number, equal in size. Sometimes you are on the happy track, and without any sign, you can find yourself on the sad side, and there is no rhyme or reason.
I don't know why God gives babies genetic disorders. I don't understand why He allows 16 year old athletes to drown in a lake. I don't get why wonderful men and women, that are leaders of their families, get cancer and die, far too young. I don't understand how precious brothers and sisters can be behind of a wheel of a car one second, and just like that, be taken from us. I don't understand why the beloved matriarch's of our families, start forgetting basic things, and before long, they are gone from us, their bodies still present, but the grandmas we loved and cherished are gone forever. I can't comprehend that parents can be so self-involved, that their children are taken from them.
For these things I have no answers. All I know, is through the extreme pain of losing Laynie, we allowed God to fully take our lives over, and He changed us. Through extreme pain you are made pliable (if you allow it) and God can make you new. It's only through this kind of pain, that you really accept that God can change your outcome.
It's easy to blame God. It's easy to say "God, Why?" when in truth, bad things happen. If you haven't had a tragedy befall your family, you are very lucky indeed. Bad stuff happens all the time. God isn't the Good Fairy handing out pardons and saying "You die today, or You live today". If anyone understands our grief, it's God. He sent his beloved son to walk among us, and show us the right way to live, and then, allowed his own son, to die on a cross. A terrible, painful death for a pure, innocent life. He allowed it, so that you and I could have the opportunity for heaven. That overwhelms me, and humbles me. God gets it. He understands pain.
So take it to him, and let him shoulder that pain. And you try to march on back over to the happy track, and keep living the life God gave you to live.
Let him change you.
I did, and it has made all the difference.
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