Rock, Hard Place, Me

I'm having heartburn.

Not the kind that a good ole Tums can cure, but the kind that makes your heart ache.

When I decided to take the leap of faith for fostering, I thought that it would be challenging, but fun.  Find an agency, get some training, get a kid and love them.

It would be a process, but it would be worth it.

I'm feeling somewhat defeated.  The list of rules you have to follow, the forms you fill out DAILY and the requirements and requirements and requirements.

For.the.love.of.rules.

You that know me well, knows that my philosophy of life is "We made it through the day and no one died, so it's a good day".  I have trouble with structure and rules.  I like pancakes for dinner.  I like to sit in my backyard with the bb gun and maybe or maybe not shoot bb's at those big ugly mean black birds that torture my precious little birds that try to have their babies in my trees.  I like to go to church when I want to and stay all day at every service.  I forget to clock in and out of work, usually every other day.  I forget to put my appointments in my sales program at work.  I live on the edge.

It's where I roll.

BUT, it's not where this system rolls.  I understand now why so many people get defeated and just give up.  There is nothing easy in doing good.

The enemy is working hard to make me feel like I can't do this deal.  The self-doubt is OVERWHELMING me.   "I'm not equipped for a kid with special needs.  I can barely take care of Hallie & I on my income.  I can't find childcare that cheap.  How can I find childcare for a pre-teen and not let them feel ridiculous.  How can I do this?  How will I EVER fill out DAILY forms??"

So pray for me friends.  As much as I want to do this deal, I may not be equipped to do it.   Pray me through it.... I know you can.

God is good, and He will guide me.