Being Bullied

I don't think anything strikes a nerve in me like bullying does.  It just really really goes all over me.

I work with special kids, and I can only imagine the torment they could go through, if a bunch of mean spirited kids got hold of them.  Makes me cringe and sick to my stomach.

Lacey got tormented her sophomore year, when she first made the pom squad.  I thought that the "Clubs" would be a group of awesome girls that loved each other and were a team.  WRONG.  The majority of the seniors were just hogwash.  SO mean.  My little hardworking rule follower must have done 500 toe touches an evening trying to perfect her toe touches, and my carpet in my front room was down to strings where she practiced her turns over and over and over, in hopes that the torment would end.  It never mattered.  Some bullies are bullies to the core, and learn it from their parents.  Sickening.

So another senior (and you know who you are) took Lacey under her protective wing, and shut the other seniors up.  Lacey's angel senior friend wasn't having it, and they, together, tried to piece the rest of her sophomore year together.  Trials of growing up.

On the flip side, when Lacey's 7 sophomores turned seniors, and they welcomed 7 new sophomores into their squad, they were the most supportive and gentle leaders that team had ever had.  They "mentored" the new girls instead of bullying them, and I'm pretty sure that was the tightest squad that school has ever seen.  A change of pace.  A change of attitude.  A love for your neighbor.

Kip was so quiet and unassuming, no one would DARE pick on her, so we never had a problem.  (that I know of, she might have and just handled it in her own quiet, kick your butt, way.)

So when Hallie told me yesterday that she had been bullied...I was just stunned.  For one thing, homegirl is 6 foot tall.  She TOWERS over all the other girls in the school, I'm like, who's after her??  Incredible Hulk?  I can't even imagine.

Of course, it's all over a boy (stupid boys), and jealous girls, and my big ole softhearted, loud mouth, give me attention (where do she get that?) kiddo, found herself in the middle of a triangle.  And that's not easy.

Abuse comes in many forms.  Physical abuse is usually the last thing to show up in bullying.  By the time it escalates to physical, someone has reached the end of their everloving rope, and it's usually the person being bullied.  Can't take it, won't take it, I'm NOT taking it, and they finally strike out.

When I posted on facebook last night, I couldn't believe the feedback I got.  Messages, comments...this is a problem that affects everyone.  EVERYONE.

Mean kids are everywhere.  They are a fact of life.  Today, in visiting with the school counselor, she said the hardest thing they face is trying to get the bullied kid to come forward and say something.  Hallie told me that she felt "Weak" after going and turning them in.  "They are going to think I'm a wimp, mom.  It's going to get worse."

HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN?  Where are parents? and why do they raise mean abusive kids??  Because they are mean and abusive?  They were raised that way?

I would like to figure out an answer to this madness.  Kids are killing themselves because they can't take the verbal bullying.  Trust me, like I told the counselor this morning, by the time it turns physical, it's almost too late.

I guess we keep telling our good kids to turn the other cheek (and twist the bully's thumb off their bodies, if they get too close and too personal, at least that's what my kid has been instructed to do.  It's considered "self defense", not "Physical")... and TURN THEM IN.  Nothing can get done if our kids remain silent.  They have to TELL someone.  But then they feel they are a "Snitch".  For.the.love. of love.  Stand with your kids.  Help them be brave and TELL the school administration.  If your kid witnesses bullying, teach them to speak up.  Witnesses are KEY in a bully situation.  So many kids are scared to death of becoming a target if they speak up.  Back up your kids.  Give them confidence to step up.  Be there for them.

Wish I could say I fixed the problem (I'm a fixer, yes, I am), but there is no easy answer for this dilemna.  Too many kids, too many mean kids, so few parents engaging, SO MUCH SOCIAL MEDIA to keep kids connected even when they are miles apart (for cooling down periods).

Just pray for wisdom, and pray for your kids.  And pray for the mean ones.... they need the prayers most of all.