Zippers and Self Esteem

I walked around work all morning with my barn door hanging open.  It wasn't until about 10:15, when I took my first trip to the bathroom that I discovered it.  It was a very proud moment.

See these suckers??  They can really ruin a perfectly good day.   Let me just share with you.

Back in the funeral selling days, I wore a LOT of this kind of clothes.  I looked hip, felt hip and usually made it through the day without incident.  Until the day the neighbors moved in the house across the street.

It was a typical day, I was running late for work, and I had to get Hallie to Pre-K at St. Philip Neri Catholic school, and you could NOT be late.  For someone that is consistently late, this was NOT a good feature of this school.   After living in my house for about 8 years, and having neighbors that saw and appreciated the way I drive..... I never had to worry about backing out of my driveway, because ALL my good neighbors stayed WAYYY clear of my driveway.  I back out fast, deliberately and with great movement and purpose.  Well, no one had bothered to tell my new neighbors.  So that fateful morning, I threw it into reverse, went winging out of the driveway and promptly whammed into my BRAND NEW NEIGHBOR'S car.  I was really really happy about it.  I know you see sarcasm oozing off of the screen, huh?   So follow me here.... jumping out of car, running to the new neighbors front door, and saying  "HI, I'm Laura from across the street and I just want to welcome you to the neighborhood... you know how most neighbors just bring cookies or a pie, or a lovely casserole?  Well, not me.... I wreck both our cars."   And with that, I'm off....until I jump back out of the car at the corner and take a look at MY CAR to see what kind of damage I wrought. 

Seems all really kind of funny, doesn't it?  But little did I know, during my morning rush for the door, I had only secured my zipper on my skirt, and NOT the button.  And with all the jumping out of the car and running around, and bending and looking, and groveling and apologizing, my zipper was heading south.    And because of my love for control top panty hose at that time in my life  (You know the ones with the really dark top that was a completely different color until about halfway down your thigh?),  I couldn't feel that little traitor slipping down south.

Well, even with the car drama, I was still making good time for a non-tardy, at the school.  I was so relieved, and I was telling Hallie to gather her backpack, and I hit the door the minute my car was in park, and was in mid-flight, moving fast,  at the back of the car (going around to the other side to get her out of her seatbelt),  when my skirt decided to fall to the ground. 

Yes, it did.  Oh, YES. It. DID. 

So, there I am, standing in the parking lot of the CATHOLIC private school with parents rushing all around me, and there is my skirt lying on the ground.  And not only did I have on those lovely panty hose with the attractive panel control, I had worn my pink and white striped panties underneath them.  No slip. 

Nothing but net. 

I heard the chuckles start, and I just kept my head down, and grabbed up my skirt, when Hallie piped up, "Mama, what are you doin?"    I could feel every bit of blood in my body leaving me at this point, and hurried to button that button from Hell, that had forsaken me, and drag Hallie into the school, where she walked down the hallway and into her room, announcing  to everyone over and over as she went, "My mom's skirt fell off.  My Mom's skirt fell off.  Ha, Ha.. my mom's skirt fell off."    (I know why some species eat their young).

For. the. Love. 

I don't know why bad things happen to good people.  They just do. 

I think crap happens to me, just so I have stuff to write about to you guys. 

Just note to self and others:  Never leave home without checking your zippers. 

Ever. 

Guess which one is me.