The "Dash" between The Dates

I attended the funeral of my very last great-uncle.  He is the last of the generation on both of my parent's sides. 

He lived a full, rich, vibrant life.  He was the life of the party, he loved the Lord, his grandson wrote a beautiful letter of eulogy to him, and truly, truly.... is there anything more precious than a life well lived?

Randell Drake officiated his funeral, (and though he will forever be "Randy" to me) he brought us so much comfort with his words. 

As he spoke today, I envisioned the homecoming waiting for me, when I finally take my last breath on this earth.... so MANY people I loved have gone home, and for me, what a day of beautiful homecoming it will be. 

My dad, waiting there with Laynie.  My grandma and grandpa standing there with big ole smiles on their faces..... and my Austin...no doubt jacking with Junior, who is there with them today.

I do not fear death, whatsoever.   I know my future, I know my Jesus, I know my hope.

Can you say that?

Do you have a relationship with Jesus?  Do you count on Him and lean on Him, and have a fluid, ongoing relationship?

If I didn't have that relationship, there is NO WAY I could do what I am doing now. 

I drove up today, BEAUTIFUL DAY outside and my mamas in the houses across the street were outside visiting with a million kids running at their feet.  I drove in, walked in the house and closed the garage door.   I WAS FULLY INTENDING to go out the front door and go out and talk to them, and they LET ME HAVE IT, because you DO NOT disrepect the mamas in the yard by driving by....and to prove the point, a mom drove up, put it in park, walked to the yard and proceeded to talk us up. 

I AM IN LOVE WITH THIS PLACE.   The parent support, the crazy, dorky kids......it all works. 

Kristan, my across the street neighbor, is about to burst with her second bio baby.  She will be delivering by c-section on Monday.   Not only has she got one other kid of her own, she has like 6 more (boys and 1 baby girl) she has adopted with her even crazier husband, Drew.  I told her in her baby shower card, that I am the "Baby Whisperer" and she is so lucky she has me across the street, because she better be having me on speed dial to come over and help her, because that is MY JAM. 

Besides the TWO NEW KIDS I am getting Monday should be good and fitting in by WED of next week when she gets home.  :)

Yep, 2 more.  A boy 8 years and a girl, 7 years.  They are Blindian, which will go great with my lil Blasians. 

Siblings.  Be in prayer.

So, that's what I'm doing with my dash.  It's full of community, and laughter, and kids and heartache, and honesty and weirdness and seriously, I don't think I would want it any other way.

I adore these folks out here, and I am sincerely, truly part of a community of weirdos, JUST LIKE ME.

I Am Loving My Dash.

Love Your dash.  Don't sprint with laser focus to the next thing coming without regard for the day you are in.

Be thankful in all things.  SLOW DOWN.  REALLY BREATHE  .... 

and......

Be thankful in the Dash.

Sometimes you gotta cry "uncle"

After the debacle that was Friday, it was very quiet at the ranch on the weekend.  Princess was on house arrest, and that didn't set well with her.

Attitude worsened over the weekend, compounded with multiple lies and various drama episodes.

Come to find out, everything I blogged about last time was total fodder.  Total made up fodder.  I found out the real reason for in school suspension, and seriously, it made me so sick, I'm not even going to share it. 

I'm not going to lie, last night I was about to pack all our stuff and move straight back to Norman.

But, with the advent of a new day, and a quick call to the caseworker, things are going to turn around.

After much consideration, "Annie" is leaving our care.

Some kids are too wounded, too hardened, too far gone to receive care.  I remember the kid's big sister and remember how she had "seen the world" and no amount of care or help would sway her to change her ways.

Same sad scenario here.

So tonight, we are sitting in the house, her stuff packed, waiting on her social worker to get here to take her to her next destination.

Praying she will find peace somewhere.

I have three vietnamese children that carry my name, that are my top priority, and an entire ranch of kids that come first in my mind.  When the ecosystem goes to tilting, it's time to find out what has changed to cause the tilt. 

Yeah, I watched the Magic School Bus with Deaton on Saturday and that was the message.

I'm cool that way.

So, I'm at peace, the kids are at peace, and hopefully this little girl will find the peace she is seeking.

Tomorrow is a new day, and I'm ready to roll.

God is good, all the time.

Over Here Just Living the Dream

I tell you what.

I remember Pastor Craig's sermon about when you are trying to do the right thing, how the enemy will do EVERYTHING in his power to seek out and destroy your intentions.

Predictable resistance. 

I'm in the middle of a crap storm full of it. 

First of all, I know WITHOUT a shadow of a DOUBT I am suppose to be here.  Every door opened, my heart is in it, it's all good.

THE ONLY and I repeat ONLY thing that gave me heartburn about moving, was leaving my mom.  The stubborn turd will not budge from her little nest in Norman, and no amount of wheedling, cajoling and downright meanness is going to move her.  And it's not like I moved her over there and abandoned her, but man the enemy knows my heart and is using everything to make me feel like crap.

First off, she got sick.  Not a tiny bit sick, but a full blown sick as a mule, sick.   Then she fell.  Then her eardrum burst.   Then her heart had arrhythmia.  This all couldn't happen during the 10 years we were neighbors....it all had to happen the WEEK I moved an hour away.

So there's that. 

Then my job is at it's all time slowest E V E R.  No sales AT ALL.  Anywhere.  Everything fell through like dominos this month.

But I had to come to terms with my financial situation A LONG time ago..  (feast or famine) and I know, I know, I know that God will provide our needs.  I  KNOW and believe.   (In showing me, he sent me a new fridge and a friend that bought our groceries)  It's just humbling to see.  So even in saying all that.....I will NOT worry.

But that devil. 

If that's not enough, he's attacking my newest kid.  She's been in his pocket for her whole life.  No boundaries, no rules, no adults telling her what to do, her just running her own little one woman show.

So imagine my surprise, when after driving the boys to Norman for various doc appointments, and scheduling Annie a dental appointment so CLOSE, that the whole morning had me cursing my scheduling technique, feeling pretty happy I had a whole 3 minutes to spare getting Annie and heading her to dentist, when in talking with the counselor and setting an appointment to talk with her next week about the newest princess and her learning prowess, the secretary gives me the "side eye" and says, "Oh I believe your kid is the one that was in the "infraction" this morning." 

Oh, really.

Well, three minutes clearly isn't going to be enough time for this. 

My phone buzzes in my hand AT THAT VERY SECOND with a phone call from the vice principal.

Seems like my perfect angel called a big bully a f'ing fatty, and didn't take his crap.  Made him cry.  Teacher told her it was the first time anyone has stood up to him, but ........geez......did it have to be you, shortcake?

So, 3 days in school suspension later....we are heading to dentist. 

Now I'm sitting in the car with my Juvenile Delinquent, who is chatting me up, thinking she has missed a bullet?

I'm pretty sure, she didn't know what hit her.  This mama ain't playing.

No one puts me in the principal's office.

Ever. 

So, we have a new understanding, and a new respect for rules.  And choices.   And what it's going to take to hang with the vietnamese and their mama. 

I was cleaning the kitchen after supper, and Steven saw me in there and I guess I looked like I had to shoot my best horse, because he came up and said, with his arms open wide,  "Bring it in Lolly, get you some Asian love" and proceeded to hug the crap out of me. 

You win, You lose. 

I guess upside is it took 5 whole days before we got in school suspension.

I guess upside is there wasn't any blood shed. 

I guess upside is she's still here this evening. 

Hurting people hurt people.   It's a lesson I know. 

Bring it, babycakes.

 

Inside, Outside Upside Down

The first few days of fostering are an emotional rollercoaster.

Wins and losses.

You know what you have to offer the new kid, staring at you, the stranger.

They've never known peace, security, home... in their lives.

They rule in chaos.  They thrive in chaos.  They live in chaos.

So when you dump them out of the chaos, into a .....boring....quiet....life....their chaos nature rears it's ugly head and demands they cause some chaos.

They don't even know they are doing it, it is just second nature to them.

The balancing act for a foster parent is setting the guidelines, laying down the law, but doing it in a way that it doesn't feel like a hard ass.

You may not know this about me, but I'm typically a hard ass.

However, this is a new balancing act for me.  I need this kid to like me and want to be here.  There is no way to exact change in her life without some trust built in me.

I got trust from Gina day 2 when I delivered Steven to her.  The trust started building then and I got some equity immediately.

This kid doesn't know me from Adam.  She knows I make a mean spaghetti, drive too fast and multi task like a beast.   That's all she's seen.

I need prayers for her heart, and her choices and her peace.

We're in the woods, looking for some sunshine.

Pray us through the woods, people.

I'll Never Stop Being Amazed

They call the first weeks of foster care a "Honeymoon" period.  Kids on best behavior, everything new, fresh, exciting.

When "Annie" came home with me on Friday, totally on a "Trial Run" situation, we had driven about 10 minutes and she informed me that she was "ok with staying with me".  I was very cool, shook my head "Sure" at her, and told her, "Let's see how you like my kids and the ranch".

Duh, No brainer.

She and Gina bonded like glue.

Steven and Zachary love her because she is as short as they are.

Our vietnamese household just got invaded by a WHITE GIRL. 

This little lady is something else.  Not "Lovely" caliber something else, (Ooh those first days!!) but a smart talking, busy little bee.  She hung with us yesterday, as we met Bill Junk at Lowe's and picked out our fridge, then ran Gina all over Norman, getting ready for her semi and look how gorgeous she looked

Just slap my face and call me Liza.  When did this little girl bloom into this beautifulness???

Anyway, it was a FULL day of running and meeting grammie, and watching basketball and hanging with the vietnamese and their lols.

As we were driving home, she asked me, "How long does it take to get home?" and I told her, and then she said under her breath, "Wow, I've never been able to say that before".

Well just slap my face and call me Shirley.

This kid has basically couch surfed her whole life.  She doesn't know movies, homecooked food, veggin' in front of the tv or trusting an adult whatsoever.

Her hair was pretty tragic (she's been in the shelter since end of  October, mind you...it's tough to place teens), so one of the moms out here at the ranch (Memory, how I adore this crazy lady already) is a barber, and she hooked my little gal up with a brand new do.

Her case worker called her on our walk back from Memory's house post haircut, and before her worker could get a word out, she blurted, "Can you bring my stuff, because I'm going to stay here" and handed me the phone and ran for the kids, playing basketball down the street.

Here we go, friends.  Gina sat her down this evening, and told her "Since you are staying, just know that ALL the boys on the ranch are your BROTHERS, and NOT your boyfriends, and that when people offer you WEED at school, you tell them to go take a hike and find some Jesus".

OMG I love that kid.

I told "Annie" that she was standing at a crossroads today.  She could continue the path she was on, and pick bad friends, and make bad decisions, or she could lean into this new path being given to her.  She can start fresh, and be whoever she wants to be.  She's not a label, she can start fresh and she will have a support team in her corner.  She sat by me in church today, and laid her head on my shoulder (She may have been sleeping, but I prefer to think she was trying to bond), and I feel very hopeful for this little gal.

Just keep praying for us, because it's going to be an interesting week.

Oh my goodness, the things I'm still learning.....

Blessings that Overflow

I got child #7 today.

She's pretty cool.

She is 13 yrs old.   Street smart as HECK.  And white as the driven snow.

When I asked the caseworker what race she was, she replied, "White?!"  to my, "Ooh, I don't know if I can handle a white girl."

She stared at me for about 4.5 seconds and just bust out laughing.

"Didn't you raise like 3 of them??" 

Oh, yeah.

So, they are in the front room.  I think all sitting on the couch together.  Bundled up in blankets, scrolling through Netflix, arguing over movies.

She was only supposed to come over and see if she liked us.

10 minutes in, on the drive home, she said, "I think I'm going to want to stay"... I'm all (shaking inside),  "Cool."   (I'm such the wordsmith)

I told her, "Let's go home and see how you like it".

10 minutes after meeting the kids,  "Do you think you could call my caseworker and have her bring me the rest of my stuff?"

Sure, hot stuff.   Life's about to be a WHOLE lot different for you.

We are pumped.

But let's back up to earlier in the day.

I have a friend from HS that heads a foundation and he's been following me for awhile.  He emailed me a bit back and said,  "Send me a list of some things you need".   I put some serious thought into it, and said,  "Like lamps and stuff?"    His reply,  "Seriously, what do you need?"

So today I shot off an email with a wish list of three items.  All different prices, different levels, so he could choose ONE.

I told him that I knew zero crap about riding lawnmowers, but I was pretty sure I was going to have to have one, because this yard is freak big.  Then I told him about my 15 year old crap refrigerator, and how Lowe's has them 30% off now.  Lastly, I threw out a play set in the backyard for the kids in the lower region of $, because I'm all about the "Budget" in this house.

About 15 minutes after he received the email, he gives me a call and proceeds to tell me to head to 
Lowe's and get a fridge and a mower, and that he will send me a walmart gift card for the other things.

Well slap my face and call me Shirley.

I told him I DIDN"T ASK FOR THREE THINGS TO GET THREE THINGS and he was all nonchalant, "Well that's why you are getting them".

WHAT? ! THE! ? WHAT ! ?  A HUGE, overwhelming and FALL ON THE FLOOR thank you to Bill Junk at the United Methodist Foundation for this beyond amazing gift.  Methodists have just taken a lead as my most favorite church.  :)

So, that happened today.

God.

Never.

Fails.

Ever.

Thankful for my squad.  Your prayers and faith in me, make all this stuff possible.

Ranch Happenings

Kids have started Guthrie schools.

I do believe they are the only Asian children in the school system, due to all the other kids mistaking them for

-Indian  (hmmm)  or even better
-Mexican.  (do what?)

Gina thinks it's funny and Steven wants to change his name to Jose Jackson and just roll with it.

Anyhoo, we are adapting.  I still haven't slept a full night's sleep because of all my anxiety (self induced, for sure).   Sales at work, would be nice this month (very slow in coming, but I have 8 more selling days and one good one can change the tide) and when I sell my house, I won't have double bills and that will be nice.

But mainly, I'm praying and anticipating my new kids.

We are having our first overnight guest this weekend to let HER  (A GIRL, WHAT?) decide if we will work for her.  :)

I've been praying for this little girl since before Christmas.  I didn't have a bed and in the middle of the move, I didn't want to disrupt her apple cart anymore than it already was, so she is coming on Friday and spending the weekend.  If we pass her test, she will probably just be here with us, until it's time for her next chapter.

Since I can't call her by her real name, I'm going to call her "Annie" not that's she's an Orphan, but I just like it because of Anne with an E on Netflix.  :)    I'm weird that way...because "Lovely and LB and BB" are forever taken.

So I would ask for prayers....mainly for me to have some good sales by the end of the month, and that Annie could see herself hanging out with us, and learning, with time, that childhood should be a sacred, magical time, and that she finds some of that magic, here on the ranch with me and my mexican vietnamese.