Running and Running....

July is a tough month.  July has always been a favorite.  My girls and I LOVE the fireworks, the hot dogs, the Ray Charles song, singing America.... it's just been a great fun time.

I remember the first July 4th we had with Laynie.

She was almost 6 months old. She weighed almost 6 pounds.  We had gotten to keep her for 6 whole months.  We were so in love with her, and still held our breath around her all the time.  They hadn't moved to Norman yet, and I was still driving back and forth to Edmond to get my Lolly-fix.  She was smiling, and cooing, and we had no diagnosis, still, at this point.  Just loving and living.  Every Second of Every Day.  Full out.

Fast foward to July 4, 2009...  Laynie's 2nd 4th of July.....

Took 4 hands to keep that little busy body in the pool.  So full of energy, so full of fun, so full of light...she defied every odd, and kept us on our toes.  She now had been my next door neighbor for 9 months, weighed almost 9 pounds, and was 18 months old.  You think we loved her last year?  We were more in love with her than ever.  Personality and preciousness were her 2 biggest traits.  We were relaxing, thinking time was on our side.  

July 2010, Laynie's 3rd Independence Day

This year's celebration came to a slamming halt.  After 7 months of successful blood transfusions, Laynie's body was tired and rejecting the transfusions.. the platelets we gave her didn't stem the breakdown of cells in her precious little tired body, and we were seeing the end of her story, coming rapidly toward us.  I stayed in denial, God's arms wrapped firmly around me during that time.  Lacey knew.  Aunt Nancy knew.  Grammie knew.  I didn't know.  I didn't want to accept that my precious little love of my life was going home to run and run with Jesus.  I did not want to face it.  Her precious little body had fought the fight and almost finished her race.

I can't eloquently put into words the loss I still feel on a daily basis.  I never really know what is going to set me off.  I can be driving along, and just find tears streaming down my face.  When I say that God surrounded our family with supernatural peace those last few days before she died, I'm not exaggerating.  God's hand gave us sufficient calm and peace to face this heartbreaking loss.  The only thing that kept me moving forward during those days was knowing she would suffer no more... and that I would see my precious firstborn granddaughter again, whole and beautiful... in heaven.  

My whole family views death so differently now.  Death is nothing we fear.  It's not a scary, unknowing-ness that drives us....it's a homecoming, a spectacular reunion, waiting for us at the end.  

This life is just a warm-up of our eternal life in heaven.  If you aren't doing your warm-up laps, here on earth, with heaven in sight, and knowing that all things you do here, are only in anticipation of the greater life that lies ahead....you are sorely missing out.  Figure out God's plan for your life and get to warming up.  There is nothing more joyful than that.

It took a little precious piece of goodness sent straight from the hand of God to teach me.  She's still teaching me.  And I hope she teaches you.

In honor of Laynie's life, we are asking all our friends to wear purple on July 10. 

Laynie Hope Payne, we will never forget you.

God is good, all the time. 

I have fought the good fight.

I have finished the race, 

and I have remained faithful.

2 Timothy 4:7