The last few weeks of Lifechurch, we have been walking through a series called "Small Things, Big Difference", and he's really been zinging me where my mama lives, if you know what I mean.
I don't think I ever realized how much of a role model and impact I was for my girls. I just grew them up and hoped for the best. But with the advent of the lovelies, I have seen first hand, what a difference a positive influence can make.
I think back to the first week of them being here, and how they acted. They were totally out of place, and searching for anything to connect with. It would be like going to a different country, almost. These kids hadn't had their own bed, clean clothes, stability, peace, none of that was theirs. Now they always had plenty to eat. Always. That was even different here, I don't have unlimited food lying around, we are very portion controlled for meals. So, EVERYTHING was different.
I remember when we took our mission trip to Haiti, and Austin and I were talking as we left the airport about the conditions we were thinking we were going to see, and Austin said, "Wouldn't these people want more for their lives? Wouldn't they work to have more?" and I said, "Who has taught them there IS more?" and he thought a minute, and he said, "Wouldn't they see it on tv?" As we worked through the week, and Austin saw first hand, that these people live in tents made of donated jeans, and no electricity, and in villages of crude wood house, with naked children in donated men's clothes running around, that there are no tvs. They have literally, nothing.
People are always quick to say "They could have more, this is the land of plenty" and that's very true. We are lucky in our lives. Most of us have had parents, teachers, friends pour into our lives and teach us how to live abundantly. But I think of the wasteland of children and these families at the courthouse that I visit every few weeks, and the one thing that overwhelms me almost every time, is, These people don't know any better. A poverty cycle will begat a poverty cycle. Ignorance begats ignorance. No ONE has poured into them. When I got these children, I asked them about their future, they both saw themselves working in a restaurant (like mom). LB said he would "bus tables, and wash dishes", and Lovely's hope was to be a "Cook like her mom". That's all they knew. Now, 365 days later, both Lovely and LB see college as a viable option for them. They know that the sky is the limit. Lovely wants to be a phlebotomist, (so excited when the blood drive happens), and LB wants to work at the weather station in Norman and be a weatherman. 365 days ago, this wasn't even an option for these kids. Now, it's reality.
After court the other day, which I haven't really talked about because it's, ugh, but, the CASA for the kids, same man who put them back in the home last time....said to me, "These kids have outgrown what their parents can give them". To bring everyone up to speed, the latest in the saga of the bio parents, is that they have, on their attorney's advice, "separated" so the children can come home. No one is believing or buying this latest ploy, so we go to court Feb 10 and have it out. Valentine's day could be extra special good this year, if all goes well.
Here is the thing that I'm trying to get to, though...your children watch and emulate you. I actually spoke quite loudly and rudely, at a lady at the movies last week...she totally cut me in line, and I sarcastically let her have it. Lovely was with me. I felt better in the moment, letting that stinking brat, who felt cutting was an option for her, have a piece of my mind, but as the evening progressed, I felt more and more ashamed. Especially when I heard Lovely cut her little brother off, mid sentence, in the same exact tone and manner that I had diminished the line cutter. What an eye opener.
Oh be careful little lips what you speak, oh be careful little lips what you speak.. There's a Father up above and He's looking down in love, Oh be careful little lips what you speak. How many times did you sing that at church??? It never means more to me than now that I can see the difference so dramatically.
I really am going to do my best to keep speaking truth and life into these little souls that look to me for direction and wisdom. What I really wanted to share though, is that even if you don't think your kids are watching you and learning, you are kidding yourselves. Every thing you do is banked in the recesses of their memories, and wow, as for me, I want that to be positive. God, give me the patience and wisdom to speak truth into the lives you've entrusted to me. That is my prayer.
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