I loathe snakes. There isn't anything about a snake that I like. I mean I carry that loathing over to worms, which isn't fair to worms, because they really aren't snakes, but anything that is round and slithers on the ground without legs, is close enough to a snake that it wigs me out.
Spiders are another thing. I've been a single mom most of my adult life, and spiders are an essential part of being in charge of your house. That, and heavy lifting.
So I've never met a spider that has freaked me too bad. Lacey & I had a near incident once in the garage, but today.
Well, Today, was the day.
I had dropped the lovelies at daycare, and was rushing back to get Hallie to get her to beach volleyball, and we are on a TIGHT TIGHT schedule in the morning.
Hallie knows the routine, I honk, she comes.
My cell rings. It's Hallie. Whispering. "Mom, you need to come in here"
My heart almost falls out of my chest.
As I rush in, I find my 6'1" 14 year old standing in the middle of her bed, pointing to the floor.
As God as my witness, the first thing that went through my head was, "We have to move". Just take what we can grab as we are running out the door, and buy all new stuff later.
It was like a small baby. with legs. on the floor. just staring at me.
The urge to jump on that bed with my quivering daughter overwhelmed.
I ran to the kitchen for the flyswatter. I needed a good foot between me and that spider if I was going to battle.
No flyswatter. BB uses it as a sword and who knows where it is??
I race back to my whimpering baby on the bed, and the spider was still sitting there just waiting.
I grabbed her size 13 shoe, deciding it was better than a flyswatter and prepared my shaking hands for battle.
I knew I'd have one swing, and I had to get it, because Hallie had LEFT HER CLOSET DOOR OPEN. And if anyone has a 14 year old teenager, you know the closet is the ABYSS of the room.
I swung. Spider laughed at me, and ran into the abyss.
Screaming ensued. Hallie finally told me to get a hold of myself and find that spider, that she could not live in this room if she knew it was here.
I started tossing things out of the closet. This was no easy task. At least we found some things we have lost for a year in that search.
Everything is shook (far from body, so in case the terminator is in there, it won't fall on my arm) and tossed behind me.
I'm starting to sweat.
Yes, I'm dressed for work, in a dress.
On I trudge, until I've cleared the closet and back in the corner sits the interloper. Just waiting. And smiling.
Now I'm pissed.
No spider is going to smile at me while I am sweating in a dress, running 15 minutes behind schedule now.
I go to the garage and find something to render it unconscious. Anything. Spray paint. Ant Spray. I setttle on hornet spray, because I loathe hornets and it shoots a 6 foot stream. I'm there.
Hallie hands me a flashlight which I tuck in my teeth, and I grab her size 13 in one hand, and my hornet spray in the other. When I flash light on the villain, he rears back and shows me his teeth. (Ok, I made that up)
I shoot him with 12 oz of hornet spray, nearly asphyxiating Hallie and myself in the process, and the spider looks like a snow pile has landed on him. Then I swear on the bible, He shakes himself off and lurches himself at me.
Screaming ensues. Even Hallie is screaming at this point, because I am screaming, and I think even the spider screamed.
Size 13 won. As the drunken arachnid tried to find it's way out of the closet into clear air, I landed that big ole shoe on it's big ole gross spider head and sent it on to spider heaven. I wrapped it in a paper towel and flushed it, just in case it ever thought of coming back to life.
As we looked around the room, in the pile of CRAP that I had tossed behind me in my frantic, panicked search....Hallie said to me,
"All that for a little ole spider"??
I know why some species eat their young.