Lessons from an Angel

I will never forget when one of my friends, after meeting Laynie, asked me what her life would look like when she started kindergarten.

I was at a complete loss for words, because for Laynie's entire life, Lacey & I never projected forward.

Every day was a solid, 100% gift from God, and we lived intentionally with Laynie, cautiously optimistic, but never expecting any more that was given us day by day.

 We sat in wonder at the table on her first birthday and cried together, through smiles as the room sang Happy Birthday to our wonderful little miracle.

We allowed ourselves to breathe easier after that first birthday, relaxing because she was just a healthy, weird, tiny little baby, but when she got sick the following November, we remembered, in the hardest way, again, that every day was a gift.

When we celebrated Laynie's 2nd birthday, we had it early, as she had surgery the week of her birthday, and had a port placed, so blood transfusions would become so much easier for our tiny little warrior.

And she lived seven more miraculous months.

This is a hard picture for me, and I have never posted it before, as our sweet little sunshine baby, in her last days, her little gums and mouth would bleed, But I share it now because I see the gift in this picture... her joy and happiness even toward the end of her sweet little life.  Every  Single  Day  was a treasured Gift. 

Over the last few weeks, I've had a couple of my friends, confide in me that the babies soon to be in their lives, were suspected to have some differences. 

And they needed reassurance and hope that their stories would turn out ok.

Here is what I know.  Every single baby that is born, is a special gift.  Every one of them.  Some are big, some are small, some are early, some take their time and come way late, and some of the most very special of gifts, have their very own special stories. 

But, bottom line, they are all just babies....  They all have to be taken care of and loved, and nurtured and fed and changed.  Some of them just require some different stuff. 

It's not horrible.  It's not the worst thing that could happen.  Friends, it's just a different way of living.

I remember in the early days, the doc gave Lacey a precious writing, that we carried in our hearts, and still do to this day about Holland.  Those of you that have followed me for years, and all through the journey of Laynie know what I am talking about and can skip this next part, but for you new readers, these are the words that resonated with Lacey and our family during those early days when doubt and "what-if's" almost consumed us.

As for me, I can thank a tiny little girl for showing her Lolly the way to Jesus.    The miracles I saw, sometimes on a daily basis, in my life, through her mom and dad's lives, God showed up big over and over.  

Life isn't easy.  Sadness happens,  things change, life takes a new direction, I'm not just talking about a baby with differences, I am talking about divorce, job change, sickness, kids that take a different path, addiction, even death.    The only thing I know that will carry you through all the pain the world is going to throw at you, is your relationship with Jesus Christ.  It won't only come from sitting in a pew, or singing the songs, it will START there, but to really grow it, will require big FAITH (my word for the year) and earnestly SEEKING God.  Listen to worship music, read Youversion bible app every day, and pray and pray and pray ... earnestly SEEK Him, because He is there.  And only He can give you the peace you need to handle the storms of life.    There is NOTHING, I repeat NOTHING you cannot face, as long as you call out to Jesus to carry you through.  

And the most beautiful promise of all, is the promise of Heaven when we will see our loved ones again.  When someone I know passes away, I can't help but feel a twinge of homesickness myself, to see my Laynie, our friend Kannon, my grandma, my dad....Sandy Cannon (who I know is chasing Laynie around EVERYWHERE until I get there), all my favorite people that have left their earthly bodies and headed home.  What a glorious reunion. 

I watch Lacey with Laynie's little brothers, (and I even see glimpses of her in Jack),

and I watch Lacey work tirelessly at her nonprofit, helping families learn how to thrive and she helps SO MANY COTTON picking People.  I mean, really.  And, through it all, it's because of Laynie.  

Laynie made us better people.   Laynie taught us endless courage, boundless faith and ridiculous grace.   

She was special in every single way, and I wouldn't change any of it for the world.  I wouldn't change a thing.  

Don't be scared of the tough times, lean in to Jesus.   And who knows....maybe it will be you typing a blog, sharing with all your friends, and maybe they will know what to say and how to share when a trial comes their way.  

Never fear.... because

God is Good.  All the time.