Grace

It's been a weekend. 

Hallie went with a friend to Orlando to stalk, er..... meet, her favorite YouTube celebrities, so it's just been the lovelies and myself. 

I haven't talked about Big Sis for awhile because, well.....she's been out of our loop. 

I tried to help this kid, when there was help to be given.  When I got the three littles back on day 1, Big Sis was 17. 

I knew she only had a few months left before she was considered an "Adult" in the system (give me a break, what 18 year old do you know that has a brain???  Maybe Lacey, but that is all), so I, along with our caseworker at the time, The incredible "Elastic girl"..... worked hard to convince her that she should go back into custody, so I could help her go to college.

This was a kid that the system let down.  She was sexually abused by her stepfather from the time she was 5, until she was removed from the home at 11.  She was in a foster home almost as bad as her biological home from 11 y/0 to almost 14.   Her mom lied and got her in the job corps when she was only 15 (when the courts sent them home the first time), and lived on her own from the time she was 15. 

When I met her at 17, she had couch surfed and survived for 2 years on her own. 

I thought that she would be thrilled to have input from a caring adult. 

Yeah.

That didn't happen. 

She called me when she needed something, and pretty much, used and abused my good nature.  So for the last year or so, I have been emotionally unavailable to this young lady. 

Really Christ-like, huh?

About 3 or 4 weeks ago, she began persistently calling me, over and over, demanding and begging to see her siblings.  I'm shaking my head typing this, because it's all or nothing with this lass. 

I told my mom, "I bet she is pregnant", and unfortunately for me, I was was right. 

I have never seen a more lost person in my life.  I asked for all my facebook friends to pray for grace for me, because I have no patience with this young lady. 

And the saddest part of all.....she knows no other life.  She watches her siblings living their lives, finally being kids, excelling in sports, school, life.....and made the sad statement.... "I wish you had adopt me". 

I gave her tough love this weekend.  She was talking abortion like it was an option, and I'm afraid I got a bit rough with her.  She doesn't even really know the father, and can barely take care of herself, much less a baby.  I gave her all her options, and seriously, when I dropped her at home, I have never felt more like a big fat failure.  Nothing I say gets through to this kid. 

I asked her if she thought her siblings were better off now.  "Oh yes, they are lucky and happy".  Then why wouldn't you consider that for your own kid?  "I don't want it to grow up and not know me".   Oh, but you'd rather abort it ?

I had to bite my tongue out of my head to stay civil.  I asked her where she would be now if she had trusted me when we first met.   A big sigh, and a "Probably in college, having fun". 

I swear, people.  It's a pride swallowing, nail biting, anger rising, situation.  I'm not sure what she will do.  So I'm asking for your prayers.  Prayers for her safety, and her heart.  Prayers for her to do the right thing by this innocent babe.  Prayers for me to find the right (and loving) way to guide her. 

Prayers for grace.  For us all.