Living the Dream: Puerta Vallarta..... Jellyfish, lizards and that one drunk lady

It was AWESOME coming into port.

We stood on our balcony and watched the town get closer and closer.

When I grow up, I'm going to buy this place and sit in that pool ALL day, and watch ships float by as they head into port. Yes. I. Am.

We had prearranged an excursion to Yelapa and Malarkey, (I can't remember it's name, good grief) where there is told on the brochure to be a beautiful beach, a breathtaking waterfall and incredible snorkeling opportunities. We are IN !!!!

Lacey being a "Tourist" in front of our SHIP (not BOAT, Molly)

We herd like cattle off the ship and head to the dock, we board our catamaran (And it’s still 60 degrees at this time) and head out.

Freezing.

Our one and only picture of a dolphin. Fast little suckers.

Dolphins greet us, and that is cool, and our guide, David, is HILARIOUS. He is from the island we are heading to (can only get there by boat), but first, we are going to stop and snorkel. I’m not big on snorkeling. For one, you have to like, get in the water and paddle around. Without drowning. With a snorkel hanging in your mouth. And flippers on your feet. So I’m not a big snorkeler. Now, Lacey, she is. She buys the $5 snorkel and gets all prepared to go in, and David (the guide) mentions that where we are snorkeling, well, it is loaded in jellyfish.

Jellyfish.

Not the bad hurty kind, just the stingy kind. He talks about a 3 year old taking a sting and not being a big wimp and thinks that story should be enough to keep the 40 year olds from being overly dramatic.

Plus, we just STOP at some random, not so pretty, area. And the people guiding us are all, "Here we are, everyone in".....

my very own "Scuba Steve"

All this information slows my snorkeler partner down. She is watching all the other people go in, and finally decides, “I can do it mom”….. so we get her all ready, looking like "Scuba Steve", and just as she is getting to the back of the catamaran to go in the water, about 12 people are getting out. Moaning, and holding their arms. There aren’t just a few jelly fish, come to find out, there are MILLIONS. It’s like in Finding Nemo where Dory and Marlin are swimming through. That’s our snorkeling area. Lacey stays above water and takes a kayak out with a Stacey from New York. I'm eating cake, sitting on the boat. It's a good day.

I’m waiting for the beach.

Now, we've been promised a BEAUTIFUL waterfall. After the snorkeling with the jellyfish debacle, I figured they would have all KINDS of good stuff from there, but as we near the first drop site, where you can take a 45 minute hike up into the mountains, by picturesque villages and churches (cue Julie andrews music here), guide David once again hits us with "There's been a drought here, and the waterfall doesn't have much water at this time, but we will still take the hike up the mountain to see where it normally is." Hmm. I'm pretty sure a waterfall without water, looks kind of like ROCKS, so I've seen a TON of them in Oklahoma, so I'm going to just forego the "walk in the woods" and head to the BEACH. SANDY beaches..... warm sun.....SANDY BEACHES.

We finally get to the SANDY beach and as our feet hit the ground, it becomes abundantly clear, rocks are the things this which this beach is made. I'm trying to get my flipflops back on, and before we can even figure out how to sit down, two locals have thrown these GIANT lizard things on us, and demand us to take a picture. I think my horrified screams made them move away from me without asking if I wanted to take a picture with that Satan's creature, but as I take one of my lovely daughter, this man throws the lizard in front of her as I snap the picture! THEN DEMANDS $5.

I’m like, SAY WHAT????????? And then I took another picture of that ugly ridiculous thing by itself, just for good measure. AND HE WANTS ANOTHER $3. That's highway..er..beach robbery if you ask me.

THEN, that same man had the audacity to drop that spiked creature RIGHT NEXT TO MY CHAIR and left him there. I told Lacey if it made one move toward me, I was going to walk on water getting back to the catamaran.

Waayyy too close to my chair (foot) for my comfort.

Of course, then, I got in a conversation with the dude next to us, and we had a rousing conversation of all things funeral, cremation, embalming and cemetery plots. I think I should be able to write that excursion off on my taxes. If I had had my computer, I think I could have pre-arranged them. (I'm that good).

The crew did a show for us on the way back to port... it was SO fun.

Our crew was awesome, they were energetic, dancing as they gave everyone drinks and made it a special, fun day.

Speaking of drinks, I have to talk about that one drunk lady. You know there is ALWAYS one in the crowd. We encountered ours on the beach, as she stumbled by asking for $14 to pay her bar tab because all she had was a credit card. Then when she stumbled on to the catamaran, she fell into my arms (I’m so lucky) and proceeded to describe in detail what she would like to do to our young hot bartender. (I’m still scarred by that encounter). She made her way to the front of the boat, and I’m not kidding, everyone on that boat was watching her most of the way back. She was one drunken chick. I feared her falling over the front, I feared her falling asleep and falling over the front, I feared her doing something dastardly to the poor crew. It was like watching a train wreck. She managed to fall off her bench (I only saw her feet, I knew she went over), she passed out halfway back, then came alive like she hadn’t passed out and danced with the crew. She also lost a shoe, which I was NOT going to stick around and help her find. She will NEVER remember any of that (How DID I get this bowl? (she bought one from a vendor at the beach) and WHERE ARE my shoes? Wow. But not of us will forget that show. (She was the talk of the ship, everywhere we went, the rest of the week....wow....she left quite an impression.....think about that next time you want to drink too much).

Dinner was Italian. YUM. Best spaghetti....OH for the love of noodles. It was AWESOME.

Took a group shot tonight of our dinner table…so much fun. Another guy from FDLIC, home office, has joined our table...Greg, and he is a HOOT. We cause a scene every evening, and we like it that way.

Our fun dinner companions, me, Greg, Lacey, Robyn & Robert

After dinner, took in our first show on board. Motor City…Motown hits and fun dancing. Cheesy is the best word to describe it, but it was upbeat and colorful and the older crowd loved it. In fact, I heard a lady exclaim behind me, “Now, THAT was a show”…which Lacey and I chuckled to ourselves and Lacey murmured out of the side of her mouth to me, “Well, it wasn’t no Lion King”, and I almost fell out of my chair. The second best part was the male dancers running into the audience, and one of them putting his sweaty paws on me, and the old lady on the other side of Lacey reached over, and was so excited, and said, “did you get some perspiration? Now you have his DNA.” What is up with the seniors these days??? There are 10 senior citizens to 1 regular aged person, wishin' I had brought my pre-need computer with me, I could have knocked door to door and drummed up some' bidness :)

Keeping with our whole “In bed by 9” thing we have going…..We walked down the deck, got these beautiful shots and settled in for the night.