Tears and Understanding

I guess the whole experience of fostering has been leading to this defining moment today.

Lovely and LB met with bio mom in "Family counseling" and finally had the chance to have their say.

In a safe environment.  With a counselor, a translator and their counselor present.

Without going into any details, I'm just going to say that there were broken hearts today.

Two of them live in my house.

After today, I doubt there will be any more bio visits, phone calls and Elastic Girl will be pushing for termination in August.

As I face this with my lovelies, I am torn and saddened.

I am torn because as a mother, I ache for the mother that will never have her precious kids in her home again.

I am saddened because she is an idiot, and should NEVER be allowed to have those precious kids in her home again.

I am deeply saddened for the broken hearts of children, far too wise for their few years on this earth, that had all their deepest fears validated today.

I likened life to the Candy Crush game that is all the rage these days (at least for me and Hallie), and some levels you just fly through, but the longer you hang with it, the harder and more intriguing it becomes.

As I've had these kids with me going on my 9th month (enough to give birth to them, literally) I feel like I KNOW these little souls.

They have come so far, and realize that life should be far, far more than they had.  They shared with me how fun it is to just come home, eat and watch tv.

I told them I'm boring, and they just looked at me like I grew two heads.  "You not boring, Lolly.  You CHILL."

Sweet.  I'm Chill.

That is code for lazy and sit on my buttish.

But we also have taught them that life is supposed to be a bit boring, with kindness and peace as your major components.  I didn't have this for many years, and I realize how important this element is.  After the chaos slowed in my life, I realized that for several years I was in a chaotic swirl and my life had spun out of control.  I didn't even recognize who I was anymore.

I got a fresh start, got my girls a fresh start and we finally started living.

I'm thinking it's the same thing for these lovelies.  There is nothing better than realizing that life CAN be all you want.

It happened for me and it is happening for them.

Prayers for them as they start the journey for termination, and then the search for adoptive parents.  I'm going to keep them with me as long as I can...hoping that I can keep them until they find adoptive parents to keep consistency and stability flowing, until they find their forever home.

I feel your prayers.   They cover us constantly.