DEO HO NUMA (day-0h Ho NOOma)

It's been a pretty intense week.

oh...the sickness....

One of my mom's dearest old friends is in her last days.... one of my dear old friends, fighting his life with cancer... two wonderful women that work together, both my friends, finding out within days of each other, one lady's 12 year old grandchild and the other's husband....cancer.

It's just overwhelming.  I find myself praying almost constantly for someone.  Praying and praying for God's grace and healing.

The lovelies are just such wonderful children.  There are just three of them and one of me.  Some days.....overwhelming.

Finding out that the biological parents aren't working their plans, deeper in denial of the abuse than ever, and knowing this isn't a safe environment to send them home.... talking to them about the plan of adoption, and having to tell them it won't be me adopting them.

The tears, and acceptance, and the belief that God will find them the perfect home.  LB asking me to find "His song" on KLOVE because he needed to sing the words to feel the ease in his heart.

He told me, "Lolly, God will take care of us.  He will never leave us and will be by our side always".

That about wraps it up, folks.

Today at church, Craig talked about Making History.

So many people (I MEAN SO MANY) say to me,  "I don't know how you do it, and WHY do you do it"??  I don't have an answer.   Now I do.  I will tell them  "DEO HO NUMA"

Hebrew for "Spirit Prompting".  I can't explain it.  Somedays I don't want to do it another second.  I want to throw in the towel and scream to the skies.... GIVE ME MY LIFE BACK.....and then the spirit prompting whispers in my ear.... "Your LIFE is MINE".

When God whispers in your ear, and you refuse to hear him, he quits asking you.

Craig nailed it on the head, and I could understand every point he made today in church....when the SPIRIT is prompting you, and you decide to take that LEAP of faith, and believe in His will for your life, it's a scary uncertain time.  The only thing Certain will be your UNCERTAINTY.  I question my sanity at least 12 times in a day.  And every time I question, I reinforce my actions by living in FAITH.  I believe, in total FAITH, that God will provide for us, and meet every need.  And He delivers BIG and with certainty.  It just takes me asking and believing.

Secondly Craig said if you are doing God's will, you will immediately have predictable resistance.  The biggest and worst for me, is MYSELF.  I can second and third guess myself into a panic state in about ten seconds flat.   Then I have to REEL myself back in.  Steady girl.  God's got it....and give Him back the wheel.

During all the terrible health crisis going on around me, and I have friends with marriages in trouble, and friends with children either moving, or making terrible choices, and we have to hold on to the fact that in the rough times, God is doing something inside of us.  Something big and powerful.  He is spurring me to write this and hopefully stir something inside each of you.

Because last but not least, when the spirit is prompting you, and you are overcome by certain uncertainty and predictable resistance, you will emerge with uncommon clarity.  You'll hear everyone babble about how crazy you are to have 3 vietnamese children in your home and changing the dynamic of life as you lived it, but with God's love and patience, He also gives you Clarity to see it.  Craig says if you aren't being criticized or ridiculed by someone, your not being effective.  So, while, yes, I am getting it from all sides about how "Crazy" I am to be pulled so thin, you can see through me, with four children in my home..... I have uncanny clarity for the WHY I am doing it.

This life isn't about me.  For the first 50 years of it, it has been.  All about me.  And my needs and my wishes and my desires and my pursuits.  The last few years, it's been about Him.  About what God sees happening for me, and I have had the most incredible peace, and clarity, and well being, of my life.

Yep, don't have the nicest house, drive the nicest car, wear the nicest clothes, but I do have a peace that passeth all understanding and a clarity of what God wants for me.  And my kids.  And I am at peace with it.

So we will eat rice for the millionth time this month, and wear the same clothes from last year, and keep on keeping on, because it's about keeping your eye on the prize, and that prize is found in Heaven, and I know without a shadow of a doubt I will be there one day.  And I have no fear.

Can you say that?  Are you following the prompting in your heart? Are you walking by faith??  Think about it.