You Complete Me

You grow up believing in the fairy tale ending.  You know that "That someone" is going to love you completely, thoroughly and forever. 


Then reality rears its ugly head.

I'm working through CHAZOWN (pronounced Khaw-zone) with my lifegroup at church, and last night we had our first session. 

We were given the daunting task of reviewing our lives.  WHAT?  And first, put people or events that had affected (effected? I never remember) our lives significantly.  And we were supposed to write them down in chronological order, good and bad.   Hmm.

Then we replaced the "bad" things with a different color sticky note.

After that we took yet another color sticky note and wrote our life lessons from the "Bad" experiences, and some from the "Good" if you took any life experiences away from them.

THEN, we divided our notes (lives) into chapters, naming each chapter.

Zoinks.

It hit me hard that my whole life has revolved around relationships with men.  My. Whole. Life.  From the time I was 14, I have loved someone.  And worked to make lives mesh and blend.

Instead of understanding and growing into me, I was hurry up and rushing around trying to be someone else to well....somebody else.

Which leaves me at the age of 50, going...... who in the cat hair, am I, really?

I have married friends and single friends.   Most of my married friends wish they were single, and all of my single friends wished they were married (except for a couple).   I have always longed for a marriage that "completes" me.

That's where I went wrong.

I didn't even know how to complete myself, much less, complete someone else.  And I've done it, ineptly and ridiculously for 34 years.  

Well, 32.  (the last 2 years have been on an uphill swing), and the reason that I have the courage to write this blog.   I have been single 2 years and I have to say, I have never been happier, and more free in my whole life. 

Single friends...... take a breath.   If I had listened to my friend Cyndi, about 8 years ago, I would be 8 years more on track, but OH NO...I have to learn everything the worst hardest ding dang way there is. 

So, here is what I know.  Or think I know.  And wish I had listened to before I wasted many years of backpedaling......

Allow yourself to be single.  Revel in the knowledge that you are completely and utterly self reliant.  Learn to embrace it.  Learn to love it.   It took you a bit of time to fall in love with someone, give yourself time to fall in love with you.

Find your bliss. 

Find yourself and trust in a relationship with you.  Isn't it so much easier to do things when you understand the rules and the objective and the players??   I've spent my whole life not even knowing who I am. 

The first question in Chazown is  "If money were no object, what would you do with your life?"   and I sat, numbly thinking....hmm.    Money has always been an object, for I raise kids and pay bills.  I work to live.  I live to work.  That question didn't even compute to me.  So sad... I didn't even know what I would do.  So instead of embarrassingly thinking a new boat would complete me, I just didn't even know. 

So, step one.  Hello Laura, meet Laura.

So, before I complete someone else, I'm going to learn how to complete myself.  With God leading the way.

And I dare all of you to do it too. 

And I bet it will make all of the difference.