I get to hear a LOT of stories at my job. I hear about kids, and problems, and siblings, and problems, and spouses, and problems, and sadness of loss and just am privileged to be a listening ear to all kinds of people.
I think I am more tuned into anxiety and worry right now, because of the message series at church.
I remember back when I was a fledgling Christian, I always made excuses why I didn't need to read the bible. "none of that applies anymore", "It's too hard to understand" "who cares about a bunch of old stories?' I used them all.
All the excuses.
Even when I was marching into a church every weekend, playing the piano, going through the motions of a church goer, I didn't "get" it.
Then something happened so overwhelming, that there was no where to turn but to Jesus. Thank the Lord I had been attending LifeChurch a few years before Laynie came into the picture, because from the fledgling Christian I was back in the day, I had started receiving 'Heart knowledge" instead of just the head knowledge. I wanted to know the stories and understand how to receive them. I knew God was a God of love and forgiveness and I wanted to know more.
Paul has been my favorite thing to really dive into and understand in the bible. Here was this man, a GINORMUS sinner, after some miraculous healing, decided to follow Jesus. And I mean, throw down his own life, and follow Jesus. He goes to a city to try to start preaching his love of Jesus to others, and gets THROWN in PRISON, yo. THROWN IN PRISON.
Now I don't know about you, but I don't even like staying in a bad hotel for one night, much less a prison. But ole Paul doesn't let the fact that he's in prison stop him. He is chained to guards, so guess what he does? Starts preaching to the guards. I mean, you gotta talk to someone when you're holed up in prison, right?
Paul had the best perspective of anyone in the bible for me. This man went THROUGH it now, and never stopped loving or doubting Jesus. EVER. Did he have reason to? Could he have? I believe so. But Paul never did. You know what he did? Did he scream to the heavens the injustice of the reason for being there? Did he rail against God for being unfair? Nope.
Paul sang. He raised his voice in song and sang his praises to God.
Holy Moly. I know that's the first thing that comes to mind for me when I'm in a pickle. (Where is the sarcasm font when you need it?)
I drive back and forth to Stillwater everyday now to work. This is my thinking time, and I love it. It's also my music time and I found a Mercy Me album (undone) that I wore out, back in the day. The last song on the cd is the song "Keep Singing". It never made it big, but it is absolutely my most favorite song on the album.
When Deaton gets disregulated and spins out, usually the thing that will quiet him the fastest, is to take him in my arms and just hold him quietly in my lap. If he's really spinning out, he will fight me so hard when I try to pick him up, and it may take several minutes to get him to mellow out. Sometimes he just keeps fighting me, and I have to relinquish and let him run in circles some more, but I am always there, keeping watch on him, LOVING HIM SO MUCH, despite his crazy antics and longing for him just to slow down for one minute, so I can take him in my lap and just love him and let him know how much he truly is loved.
It hit me driving today that's how God views us. Nothing we can do makes HIM love us less. Nothing. We can be just as wound up as a yo yo and doing some of the most ridiculous things in the world, and He is just patiently waiting for us to slow it down and jump up in His lap and let Him love us. Where we are, the way we are, beautifully broken.
In this song, the lyrics say, "Let me climb up in your lap, I don't want to leave. Jesus, sing over me" and that is such a powerful line for me. When I was listening to this song on repeat, was right after we lost Laynie, and I was lost. I would lay in bed at night and this song would spin in my head and I would close my eyes and picture myself crawling in God's lap, and Him stroking my head and loving me.... and it got me through the worst of the pain.
God is there, He wants you in His lap. I hope this song resonates with you like it did me. I hope you know how cherished and loved you are. Just slow down and let Him hold you.
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