When life doesn't make sense

Do you have someone in your family that just lights the room up when they enter?  So entertaining and magnanimous, they change a dynamic of a group?  That is my baby cousin, Austin.

His mom is my first cousin.  She feels more like a sister to me, and we've always been close and weird like that.  So when Austin started calling me Aunt Laura, no matter how many times we tried to tell him I wasn't his aunt, he just ignored us and kept calling me that.  I loved it.

His parents were Navy people, so they moved a ton.  I didn't get to spend much time with him growing up, but the wonderful thing about family, is, the minute you are all back together, not one bit of time has passed.

They had moved back to Texas a few years back, and I made the drive to Corpus Christi to see them as much as I could.  It was always a good time waiting to happen.

Then they moved to Rowlett, just outside of Dallas, and I got to see more of them.

Austin came and spent spring break last year at my house.  It was a blast.  He allowed Hallie and her friends to paint his toenails, watched chick flicks with them (even though he said he hated them, I know he didn't), helped me work in my yard (I called him my slave labor) and be with his grandpa,  and just taught me that boys are so great.

I always kid and say I don't get boy humans, but I do.  If they were all like Austin, this world would be easy.    He had bright ginger hair, and was so proud of that curly mess.  I'll never forget one time I hadn't seen him for awhile and he let that stuff grow out into a fro and I was just cracked totally up.  The kid had some hair now.   Then he began growing tall (along with Hallie) and they both have gotten quite out of control.

This year at Laynie's run

At Kip's homecoming....our babies are growing up.

One of my most favorite memories, was last memorial day.  We all got together to remember my uncle (his grandpa) and our cousins from California had flown in to be with us too.  It was a party.  Austin and his brother Paul, played some soccer with the little bros from California, Severin and Camden, and fun was had by all.  Those little boys will NEVER forget the fun they had with those "Big brothers".

I love this picture....You can see the joy on all their faces.  

I write a lot about finding joy and overcoming disappointment.  Here's when the rubber meets the road.  When you face a tragedy that is senseless and incomprehensible and try to make sense out of it.  An athletic, in perfect shape kid, goes in the lake with his sister to swim across.  This is nothing they haven't done, he is a strong swimmer.  Something goes very wrong across the way and he panics.  His sister was a hero, trying valiantly to calm him and to get him to relax and let her pull him on across.  Something has happened though, and we will never know.  He can't be calmed.  By the time a canoe in the distant sees their distress and makes it to them, it's too late.  Megan dives and dives looking for him.  People from the shore dive in to look for him.  

He is gone.

I still sit here with tears streaming down my face because I cannot believe life can end so quickly.  I have lost my dad, I have lost my granddaughter, and this, this is one of the most painful things I have ever dealt with, because this life had just begun.  I have no words for the grieving family, who is my family, that I love so desperately and completely.  I have always been the fixer of the family, and I can't FIX this for anyone.  I can only love and sit with them, and eat.  and eat.  and eat.  and clean ceiling fans, and carry a notebook and make arrangements.  

Friends, I cannot stress enough to you to love your family.  Love them hard, and tell them everyday that you love them.  Love the Lord with all your heart and strength and mind.  You never KNOW when your last day is.  This brought it screaming back to me that every second of life is a gift.  Live your life as if this were your last day.  Every day.  Don't waste time on things that don't matter.  Live intentionally.  and mainly, love and share your love.  

You never know when it will be gone.