Living the Dream

Living the Dream

Friday, September 14, 2012

Living through Loss...week 2

Loss is hard.

Brutal.

Trying to find your way through the day, and some of those days, simply breathing is all you can do.  I slowed down enough this week to realize I've lost my precious "nephew".  I won't get to listen to him tell me about guns (yawn), or torturing me chasing me through his house carrying his snake, Shakesphere.  He thought that was so funny.   I won't get to gaze on his curly red hair, and see how his youth freckles were fading, and he was growing tall into a man.

I won't get to listen to him recite the many benefits of "Funyuns" and why they should have their own food group.  We won't get to paint his toenails, and watch him flex his weird toes.  I won't get to talk "poop" with him, and even though he always acted freaked out that I brought up the subject, he would join right in.

Hallie's foot is NOT connected to the hairy leg.  

His "Superman" pose at the Icicle 5k in 2011

He was awesome...



The 5k will be hard this year.  Instead of running and running and running for Laynie, we will have a new member in our Team Hope memories.  His smile.  His precious heart.  I have never met a child more loving and respectful than that kid.
This year at Team Hope run..


As we sat as his memorial service, kid after kid came to the microphone to share how special he was to them.  It was fantastic.  We bought a leather bound journal, and his friend took it to school to have his other friends sign it, and the love letters in that journal are fantastic.


I read the first one, and it gave me more peace than anything else about that mindless week.  It was from one of his friends, and it said how he loved how Austin had never judged him, even with Austin knowing this friend was an atheist.  His friend wrote, "You never gave me crap about my choice.  You just talked to me and told me about how you believed."  That made me happy...but this made me even happier... "After you died, Austin, I prayed for the first time.  I have to believe there is more than this life, and I want to be with a God that will take me to be reunited with you."

The kid had skills.  Kind, gentle, goofy, a friend to many... he had it all.

And now he's gone.



Friends, I cannot stress enough, that life isn't guaranteed.  If you get nothing out of this blog, it's this one thing...Love God with all your heart and all your mind.  If you don't think you are saved, it's not rocket science... ask yourself this question... "Do you believe that God sent his son, Jesus, to die for your sins on the cross?", if that answer is YES...then congratulations....you are halfway there.  People are under the misguided notion that being a Christian is too hard to attain.  Especially if their choices haven't been the best... and that's crap.  Jesus didn't hang out with the temple leaders, the elite "christians", he found the prostitutes, the lepers, the blind, the people that needed to be loved the most.  Don't think you can't be saved, God LONGS for you.

In Austin's memorial service, the speaker (HE was just fabulous) said that people's natural inclination is to NOT seek God.  That it takes a mindset, a desire to want to have a relationship with God.  If you believe that God sent his son, Jesus, to die on the cross... then just say a prayer to God to forgive you of your sins.  Do it now.  Ask for forgiveness.   Feel that burden lift?   God is just waiting.  Patiently waiting for you to come to Him and ask Him in your heart.  Said that prayer??  Now tell someone.  Declare it to the world.  Even better, find a lifechurch and get baptized.  (We are doing one in MWC on Sunday....woohoo, my favorite time)...  Being baptized is a way to show obedience to God's calling.   And then the bible says that Jesus told the prostitute, after saving her from being stoned from the outraged "Christian" citizens , "Go from here and sin no more".   He didn't say dwell on your past indiscretions, and worry about all the times you screwed up, he said, "Go from here and sin NO MORE."

It's how you live from here that will make all the difference.  You may have screwed up 1, 111 times in the last 6 months, but ask for forgiveness, and Sin No More.

Am I sinless?  Bahahahahaha.  What I am is quick to recognize my sin now.  As soon as it happens, I'm like, CRAP A MONKEY, I did it again.  And I quickly make amends.  Sorry, Hallie, didn't mean to be a wanker.  Sorry, big ole grandma in front of me at the light, I didn't mean to curse 3 months of Sunday at you, and oops, sorry kid with your pants hanging to your ankles, I didn't mean to judge.  Be quick to say I'm sorry, and don't repeat your past mistakes.  Live differently.

I want Austin's life to have made a difference.  If he changes the course of one person's life with his passing, then his life made a difference.  If he changes 100 lives...wow.

Think about when you pass away....what will they say at your funeral?  "She made a difference"   "She could party like a rock star"   "She loved unconditionally"   "He could curse in 3 different languages"   "He adored his family" .   Where do you fit?

As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.



Don't let another minute pass.   





1 comment:

  1. I am inspired by your courage, strength, and most of all your faith. Please know that Austin touched many lives. My life has been touched. I didn't know Austin except for typing his name in the football program and telling him to "smile for your momma" on football picture day. However, his spirit and love of life and how he inspired others has reached me, just a football mom. I wish you comfort over the next days, weeks, and months. I can't begin to know your pain, but I hope you know that there are so many praying for your family. I hope Austin's life is an example to the young men he played football with.

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