Kannon and being Different

This morning I had the honor of witnessing a beautiful tribute to a precious little life. 

Kannon Bradley Foster was born to Kelli Hoskins Foster and Zach Foster on April 1, 2010.  He was a special little boy, and he showed up in our lives as we were slowly, but surely saying good-bye to our Laynie. 

It's so weird.  Life is so weird.  I had lived almost my entire life, almost totally untouched by disability of any magnitude.  I knew a couple of children with down's syndrome, but I was always so enchanted by them, their pure joy for life and everyone.   Then we were given Laynie.  God opened our eyes and hearts to an entire way of life I didn't even knew existed. 

Lacey was my hero (and still is), soldiering through the maze of the unknown.  And then one of Kip's best friends, having her own little miracle and walking fearlessly into the maze, with her husband's hand always just inches away, ready to help her in any way. 

I've watched Kelli and Zach for 8 years now.  I watched them tackle everything that Kannon threw at them.  They were handed a very special,precious challenge, and they rose to it and just crushed it. 

As I sat and viewed Kannon's videos and pictures this morning at his celebration, the one thing that emanated from the screen, was L O V E.  Pure, joyous, unadulterated love.  Every picture had joy.  That little boy never had a face that looked at him with anything but pure love.  Wouldn't this world be a better place if we all looked at each other like that? 

Kelli took the stage, with Zach standing behind her, always supporting her, always being her quiet strength, along with Hoss, Kannon's service dog  (who is literally a person, I've never met a smarter dog in my entire life), and she walked us through the incredible journey that was Kannon. 

I can promise you, there wasn't one dry eye in that church.  Nor were there very many empty seats.  Hundreds and hundreds of people, that love and adore and admire and grieve with the Fosters, were there to stand witness to a life well lived, a life that touched all of ours profoundly. 

Kannon hooked you and brought you in.  His eyelashes were miles long.  MILES.  His blue eyes looked straight to your heart.  I like to think that he conversed with me, me forever talking to him in my high squeaky baby talk grandma voice, that I talk to all my grandbabies with, and him growling and yelling back at me, I am certain, insulted by my treating him like a baby.  I didn't care.  He will always be my baby, and I just adored everything about him.  It seems wrong talking about him in past tense. 

My girls and I helped Kelli and Zach at Kannon's golf tournaments, every year they had them, because to use Kelli's words,  "No one sells Mulligans like the Deaton girls" and we did.  I would act insulted and taken aback if I didn't sell at least $20 to everyone there and make them buy at least $25 worth of raffle tickets each, also for the endless, amazing silent auction prizes donated for this precious little boy.  I am not ashamed to admit, I was an all out hustler when it came to my Kannonball. This year's responsibilities kept me from helping, and that will be my regret to carry for a long time. 
 

Personal PTSD reared it's ugly, ugly head when I heard the news, and I wallowed in self pity and shared sadness with them, for a good, solid hour before I was able to pull myself together enough to even text and reach out to Kelli.    Lacey said the best thing,  "Focus on helping instead of hurting" and the wise words got me through. 

It was hard, gazing at that tiny white casket holding the body of my little friend.  I flashed back eight years earlier, thinking of another small baby, laying in the same casket and tears flooded my face.  How precious the reunion in heaven, with his grandma Jan, waiting with open arms, and joining Laynie to run and play....free from earthly confines.   On the hardest of days, that's all you can hold on to, when the pain is so real.  Seeing them run and run.  That's what gets you through.

That, and all the memories.  They shared hundreds of photos and what a LIFE Kannon had.  So many special times, every day etched in a memory bank.  Fishing, airplane rides, Disney, Thunder, his love of spiderman, his love for his mom and dad, his grandma and grandpas, his sister and brother.   So evident... so tangible.... so perfect. 

He came to our adoption party in 2014 when we swam at Westwood in Norman, and Lacey didn't venture two feet away the entire time, we were so glad he (and his mama) were there with us.

Friends, life is tough.  We are dealt hard things and it's in the broken times, when we lean not on our own understanding and let God steer our paths, that everything becomes clear.   Many people raised their hands today at Kannon's celebration and accepted Jesus into their hearts and that is worth the pain.  Kannon changed everyone that he came in contact with.   His mom and dad, in their bravery and their willingness to share him and his story, impacted thousands of people. 

We love our friends.  We love God, and while we are grieving the loss of our sweet Kannon, the hope of heaven and seeing him again is real.  I thank God for this reality.  I thank God for Kannon and his family, their love of him and their faith and willingness to be God's hand and feet showed through Kannon's whole life. 

We most likely won't see another Kannon in any of our lives.  He was #4 in 2 billion.  We witnessed something profound and changing. 

They played Micah Tyler's song, "Different" today and the words were perfect. 

Be different.  Let Kannon's  Life and Laynie's life, stir something inside of you, and be different.  Different is where the good stuff begins. 

I know this full well. 

Moving into your 20's

Dear little Hallie,

I was so thrilled when you were born.   All 9 lbs 9 oz and 22 inches long of pure perfection.  You arrived at 7:15 pm in the evening.

You already were questioning me, even as a newborn.  Mom, what's for dinner?  And can it be chocolate?

Your siblings adored you, worshiped you,  and dressed you up in all kinds of fun outfits....never a dull moment for them...or you.

You were a very good sport, and even at a very young age, knew you were destined to entertain a crowd.   At 3 years old, you put on a show at the pom camp Lacey was attending, and ended up the mascot her senior year.   You never made it through the pre-show, but you sure looked cute.

You have always been a lover of all things junk and chocolate and sugar, and never was embarrassed to fly that sugar flag high.

I think this is why your legs grew to such unimaginable lengths.  All.  that.  sugar.

At first we were going to make you a dancer.   And after a couple of years of that, we decided that might not be the best thing....for you, or us.   :)  But, as always, you looked adorable doing  your thing.

Then you discovered music, and you were never, ever found in the evenings without a guitar or ukulele in  your hand.   Hannah Montana was new to the scene and you were determined to be the next pop star of the century.   I really think you might have pulled it off.

You took to the stage at the Oklahoma Arts Festival and we couldn't have been more proud of you!  Middle school dream of a pop star .....emerging.....

Then you found volleyball.  And I remember quite clearly the conversation we had, when you were trying to decide if you wanted to play volleyball or pursue your music.  I was team hallie, and was ready to support whichever you decided.   I told you that you could "Be a volleyball player that loves to play music"   or become a "musician who plays volleyball for fun"  because being stellar in both would take so much time.   And you decided, all on your own, that you would play volleyball and just enjoy music.

And boy, did you do both well.

And now, here you are 20 years old and a 2nd year cadet at WEST POINT.  WOW.  Who knew that much sugar consumption by a toddler would create such magnificent results?  Dressing her in Nike headbands and John Lennon glasses?  Who KNEW?

She's now a volleyball player (when she's not concussed, that's a whole 'nother blog)

(And yes, I totally screenshot a snapchat...breaking all laws of snapchat land.  Sue me, I'm a mom looking for crumbs)

..... that still loves to make music, when she has a spare minute.   This was at the library at West Point, on the grand piano.  She hangs out there a lot.   That makes me happy.

Hallie, I am so proud of you.  You are 20 years old, and have already achieved more and conquered more than people twice your age.  You are a wonder, and a scholar (YOU ARE) and I'm proud that you're mine.

SO, in keeping with the whole SUGAR is our friend theme, of course, your sisters and I sent you a COOKIE, and we do love you, even though I'm pretty sure we have never called you "Hail"  (except for that one time in target when you were a tiny tiny baby and I called you "Hailey" and Lacey almost lost it, forgive me.. I was old and had just given birth to a toddler and should not have been allowed in public yet)

So Hail.   We love you.  We adore you.  We crazy as heck about you, girl.  So welcome to your 20's, kid.  The best is yet to come.

Ask, Believe, Receive (and I before E except after C)

Just got an email from my new bestie, Linda Catania at OCS, my new favorite school in the universe of america. 

I dropped by her office to visit with her this morning after I went into the office to work on Gina bo Bina's schedule.

Let me just tell you.

I have never been around more educators that are dedicated to helping children.  It's something I have never experienced during the three children I raised and grew up.  I mean, there were good teachers, but there were really more bad than good and I have to tell you....NOTHING but positive experiences going into week 3 of OCS. 

Gina came off an IEP, and she has been working independently at her last public schools (with just a few co-taught classes in math, bless her, she is like her mama) and at OCS they have a Lab class that basically helps them with all the classes.   If you are from SHS and graduated with me, think of Jan Frichot.  She would have taught this class. 

So after some schedule shuffling, we got bo bina into the Lab (i call it the LAB OF SUCCESS) and she is going to rock and roll.   The basketball coach is after her too, so she will be playing some basketball and if you all remember the early days,  she is full out exuberant in the playing, and I really cannot wait to see this. 

Then I met with Steven's lab teacher,  (I'm starting him in there this first year to help him gain more confidence with his reading and comprehension--remember these Vietnamese kids barely spoke english when I got them) and small world...she knew Lacey.....and Laynie.   Now me.....and Steven...

We cried together over Laynie and bonded and it was just ALL THE FEELS, people.

Then that's when I hopped over to Linda Catania's office because I needed to go get signed up for payments for the lab.  It costs for the year and I was happy to pay because of the HUGE BLESSING I had received from BILL JUNK just the week before in the form of the WHOLE TUITION PAID!

Behind the scene fact:  When I tithed, day before, after getting paid, and it being woefully small (the check that is)...I just said, "Lord bless us" and gave my 10%.   Always.   Without fail.   No matter how short I am, God always gets paid first.   It's my rule I live and die by. 

So.... I'm getting all the food I have out of the freezer to figure out the meals for the week (SSSTTTRREEETCCCCHHHIIINNNNGGGGG the food, lol) and my phone dings with an email. 

Linda Catania has emailed me and told me that someone anonymously paid Steven's lab fee today, and now all I have is Gina's monthly payment. 

WELL SLAP MY FACE AND CALL ME SHIRLEY. 

I just started laughing and crying and snorting and it got ugly in a hurry. 

It's just so much.  to.  take.  in.   sometimes. 

Thank you Jesus for your mercy and abundant grace.   This year is one for the record books. 

Do you See HIM?

I've been blown away at church the last two weekends by Craig's powerful messages, and I have to tell you, I've been going to this church a long time and I have never heard Craig so raw, so real, so anointed as he is during this series. His daughter has been going through health issues and it has tested and strengthened his faith so much.

Friends, the hardest times are brought to us to bring us closer to God.  To bring us to our knees, asking, begging Him for guidance and intervention.

I was talking with a couple last night and he has stage 4 cancer.  Bald and full of mischief, he led his wife through the decision making of his funeral.  She did it through tears, and he did it with full out joy.  He knows he's going to heaven and he is not afraid.  He is sad he will miss his family, his grandkids, but he is full on celebration for the promise of heaven and the hope for new life.  I asked him if I could pray for him and it was an honor to lay hands on him and pray over him and his wife.

Hallie shared with me her roommate's grandma died.  Of course, she was devastated and so stressed with trying to go home and do all the things, with school just starting at WP.   Hallie found out grandma was being cremated and counseled her that she could wait a week and go home then.  Her roommate was amazed that Hal even knew about these things, and she's all,  "Well my mom does funerals".   (This coming from the kid that called the beautiful mausoleum at the cemetery, "A dead barn", and when she visited me at work after school one day, she came running in breathless to me and reported,  "There's a dead lady in parlor A", then sweetly feeling so sorry for the lady in parlor b that had no flowers, I caught her moving a plant from parlor A to Parlor b, so "this lady would have some flowers").   Sigh.  So sweet.

However, I digress.    Hallie also found herself sharing Laynie's story with her roommate, from beginning to end, and called me after sharing it, pretty wrecked, because "Lacey went through some stuff, mom....and look how awesome it all turned out.  When I start to get stressed this year ABOUT ANYTHING, I'm going to remember Laynie and understand that with God, It's all going to work out".

I've been reading a lot of Levi Lusko lately and in his book "Through the eyes of a Lion" he wrote.... "The fingerprints of God are often invisible until you look at them in the rearview mirror". 

Man, that hit me where my mama lives.  When you are in the storm (depression, job loss, health concerns, kid problems, financial pressure, single status, desperately wanting to get pregnant, addiction) God is there.  Like I always say, God isn't the Good Ship Lollipop, sailing around giving you exactly what you ask for the exact minute you ask for it....He is there, guiding, watching, loving us and sometimes, blessings come so fast and hard it's beyond our understanding. And sometimes, you have to wait and wait and wait and wait.   It's in that waiting, that your faith is tested.  Some people stop and blame God, instead of leaning into Him for comfort and protection.  I made so many mistakes and never ran to God.  I was a walking hazard for so many years.

Then Laynie came along and through the most intense heartache of my life, I learned to rely on Him and let Him carry me, and my whole life is different now.   I'm still pretty good at making bad choices, but the difference now is, living in God's pocket, I know INSTANTLY I made a wrong choice and ask for immediate forgiveness.  No one is perfect, and hello, I screw up 70 times a day...but God still loves me.   And that carries me on.

Gina is struggling in her new school.  The classes are TOUGH and it's stretching her out of her comfort zone completely.  She was sitting on her bed, overwhelmed, when I got home and I sat with her and unpacked the day with her.....  "Mom, I know God wants me there, He opened the door for me to be there...but it so hard!"    "All the best things in life are hard, kid.  You  have to work and work and work for the good things, and then you see something incredible happen for the hard work".   We continued talking and got on the Physics subject.  Now I had to tap out of homework help after the kids finished kindergarten, because math was beyond my level at that time.   Gina started showing me her physics (which made me lightheaded, not going to lie) and I started thinking Man We Need Help.  SOS.  And I remembered that right ACROSS THE STREET is a genius level physics teacher that happens to love kids as much as I do... and I ran across the street and boom....Drew is going to tutor Gina when she needs help.   

"The Fingerprints of God are often invisible until you look at them in the rearview mirror"

I can look back on all the hard times and see God in all of it.   Through the friends that showed up with food, the thousands of prayers said on our behalf, the nurses that gave the extra love.  God doesn't show up with a big BOOM of electricity  (Well sometimes He does), but mostly He shows up in a thousand small ways.... the expensive car repair that you were stressing about ends up being half what you thought.   A thoughtful kid at school shows love to your shy

kid.  Your neighbor offers to tutor your kid.   Tuition is paid at a school that you long for your kids to attend, but no way can afford.  You're given a gift of a story of a tiny baby that changed your life and you are able to share it and share it and share it and help people look at their situation different.

God shows up.....do you see Him?

Raising Teens 101

I have been praying for a few weeks on this subject, and really haven't been able to come up with the words to even share it.  AND I have come back to edit this and say...Some of this does NOT apply to you.... it's my story.  And what works in my house, may not work in yours.   HOWEVER....mommin' teens is hard, ya'll. 

Plus, I wasn't really sure how the story was going to play out, but I know you guys were praying for my family, because God came through in a powerful, mighty way.

So with that said, I want to start saying that I have Gina's full blessing on sharing this story.  I have always been transparent on this blog because I lived in the shadows for many years and the devil had such a grip on my life, that these days I refuse to live anywhere but in the total light.  NO more darkness.  Uncertainty, fear, sadness, heartache live in the dark.

First I want to talk about kids from hard places.  Since living at the ranch, I have had my eyes and ears opened to such amazing resources and learned so much.  I'm going to give you a 30 second brief of what I have learned.

And keep it simple, because I dig simple.

Basically, our brains are wired in two places.   Upstairs brain, and downstairs brain.    The upstairs brain is the brain we as parents, nurture and develop in our children.  We read to them, we sing to them, we encourage them to roll all over the floor, bounce in bouncy seats -- we feed them healthy food (some of us more accomplished than others), we run to their cries, we protect them, we teach them ALL THE EVERLOVING THINGS.   Most children live in their upstairs brain.   They dance, they play, they TALK to you about all THE THINGS ALL DAY LONG, and are curious little magpies.

Now kids from hard places don't work from their upstairs brains.  For whatever reason, their parents aren't available to help develop those.  These children work from their downstairs brain.   In that brain, they develop the flight, fright and freeze mode.  That part of the brain triggers from trauma.  Mom getting hit by dad, fighting,  drug dealers in and out of houses, gun shots, not sure when or if they will get fed again, or even worse, getting hit and hit and hit by their parents.  Terrorized, daily stimulation of that downstairs brain.   That part of the brain can bite your head off, throw a screaming tantrum in a new york minute in the middle of walmart without provocation.  That part of the brain is SO necessary for the normal child to discern DANGER.   Kids from hard places don't go there only in scary times, they live in this part of the brain.

These kids THRIVE in chaos.  Quiet, "normal" houses tend to freak them out.  Where's the stimulation?

Now take this example, and let's add "boyfriend" to the mix.

In a "normal"  (and you ALL know how I feel about NORMAL-- setting on a dryer, baby--) kid, boy  - girl craziness is almost overwhelming in the best of circumstances.   This is because the front of their upstairs brain  is not fully developed until they are in their mid 20's.  It's the part of the brain that helps them understand "long term consequences" and "long term thinking". 

This information really ticked me off.   Because first of all teenagers are almost the worst thing on the planet, and then without that very important front part of the brain..... it almost is enough for mothers to eat their young.    You know what I'm saying. 

Now couple that with a kid that has tiptoed around in her upstairs brain for the last 5-6 years.  Fully engaging it, probably 1 year or so. (maturing and blossoming like crazy!)    Then flood their brain with dopamine from the "LOVE" hormone, and just wait for the Yellowstone, Old faithful EXPLOSION of "My life will never be the same without this human in my life"  and all that mix is a GIANT CAULDRON OF DISASTER. 

Plus, I'm an old mom.   I don't police the children as I should.   So, non-police-ing, coupled with the dopamine flooding the brain....

The grand tsunami of Love Potion #9 strikes and Strikes hard.

God has solidly got our backs, though, because as events unraveled, AND BOY DID THEY.... I found out almost instantaneously as they happened.   Which is funny, because I believe to this day, my mom is clueless about most of my teenage happenings....and mercy, am I thankful, because I think she still might take a belt to my hind end if she knew some of the things......

SO.... long story short.....bad choices were made in the heat of moments, and this mom (me, if you are keeping up)  LOST HER EVER LOVING MIND over ALL THE BOYFRIEND things.

Our house was turned upside down and shooken (as my new kids say).  No bueno.

I was triggered by the staggering similarities to one of my past relationships, she was triggered because of the flood of dopamine released in her brain 24/7 and it was just a bang load of badness.

And this from a little girl that absolutely loves Jesus with all of her heart, soul and mind.

The enemy was looking for a foothold and DANG did he find one. The devil will NOT tempt your chidren with scary things they run from.....he delights in pulling them into the thing they desire most.  Don't forget that.

Now that the dust has settled, and we have gotten a hold of our world again, I sat down and really thought about this and wanted to share with you, What we are doing differently and what I caution ALL PARENTS OF TEENS, and almost teens TO DO (if you are not already doing it)

1-NO TEENAGER THAT LIVES IN YOUR HOME SHOULD HAVE ACCESS TO THEIR CELLPHONES PAST 8 pm.  Period.  I'm embarrassed I have to even put that because I preached it to everyone I know, and didn't make my own kid do it.  And she ran with it.  I mean, RAN WITH IT.   All night every night, text, text, text.   Facetime facetime facetime.   Charge those puppies in your room, on their chargers, giving them ZERO access to them.

DON'T THINK YOUR KID WON"T DO IT, because THEY WILL.  (They are IN LOVE)

2- Get an ACCOUNTABILITY APP that mirrors their phones on your own.  THEY DON"T NEED PRIVACY, THEY ARE STUPID.   Jesus Lord on High, they are stupid.   Even though they appear smart, and might make good grades.....They are Stupid Stupid Stupid little humans.  MAKE SURE YOU SEE EVERYTHING THEY ARE DOING.   Accountable 2 You is app of choice.  $7/mo, you get it all.    ALL OF IT.  Sheesh.

3-  WHY DO OUR KIDS EVEN NEED A PHONE?  WHY?  THEY are stupid little people (I mean, stupid stupid, have I said this, STUPID?) choice making, dumb decision making, no consequence thinking short term planners, and for the love of all that is holy....why do they need a phone?  Steven broke his phone last day of school and I did not replace it, because frankly, I'm tired of only seeing the top of his head as he stares at his phone, 24/7.   He has had to ACTUALLY TALK TO REAL HUMANS and HAVE CONVERSATIONS with them this summer, and I liked it.  I still haven't gotten him his replacement phone, and I might not until he is 16.  I'm serious as a heart attack.  AND OMG,  6 year olds with IPHONES SHOULD BE AGAINST THE law.    What in the heck of america are people thinking?  It's a road to the most destructive things, and I just handed my two innocents phones and basically said GOD SPEED.   #motheroftheyear  #nomore  #cellphonejail

4-  Go straight to a christian book store (Or Amazon) and buy Levi Lusko's book "Swipe RIGHT" and read it like it is THE BIBLE.  Read it and highlight things, then read it again, slower, and pray.  Then read it one more time.  I have never read a book so powerful and to the point about sex before marriage.  It is eye opening and relevant and should be required reading in school.  It's that good.

4- THEN Talk to your kids about sex.    It is the most awkward, embarrassing, painful, sweaty palmed and pits thing I have ever done, and it probably still won't stop them, but DO IT.  They don't listen, because we are stupid parents, and don't know anything and they are IN LOVE, so what do we know?  I thought I would never say this, but put your daughters on birth control.  Don't be stupid.  (Like they are).  NO YOU ARE NOT SAYING, "OH hey I don't care if you have sex" you are saying, "I care enough about you to keep you from having a baby at 16-17-18-19".  I preach abstinence faithfully, but EVERY THING THEY watch on tv, at the movies, listen to on the radio, hear their friends talk about, EVERYTHING is casual sex.   EVERY.THING.   Do not think your kids won't have sex because you tell them not to.  They are STUPID and do STUPID things.  PROTECT THEM.   Have the condom talk.  Show them every gross picture you can find on the internet  of STD's.  Do whatever it takes.  Kids today think oral sex is kissing.  Don't be stupid like they are, protect them.

6- Pray for your kids.  Pray over your kids.  Pray and pray and pray and pray and never stop praying.  Ask other people to pray with you because sometimes you need your village.  Teenage years are tough and seem like they drag on forever when you are in the eye of the hormone storm, but they are critical and these children that are trying to "Adult" before their time can make you lose your shit seventy five times per day, I am not going to lie.   But then, you turn around and that very same kid that you were ready to toss off a mountain, all the sudden their brain finishes developing and you are cool again.

This season has been a real eye opener for me.   Everything has changed since my oldest girls were in high school  and Hallie was always busy with volleyball and kept me blinded to all the hormone things because we were always so very very on the go with her sport.  Maybe that becomes my

#7-  Find something your kid is passionate about (sports, music, theatre, band, piano, drama, ANYTHING THAT KEEPS THEM BUSY) and get them involved in that.  Keep them off their PHONES.  If you have a 11 year old BEGGING YOU for a phone....resist.  WHY DO THEY NEED ONE?  Because they look dorky because all their friends have one?  Please trust this old woman, and just say NO.  If they get one it's a 9-1-1 emergency call only.   Do not be stupid like me and hand a stupid little kid a phone with thestupid world at their fingertips.   They don't need the world.   They need you.  and a good spanking, and maybe a sport

OK.  That's it.   Parenting sometimes bites, but then you just hang in there and you get some pretty amazing kids out of the deal.

Just keep praying.

When God Shows up Big

There are so many things I love about Pepper's Ranch, I don't even have enough words to rave on about.

There is only one thing that has slowed me down over the whole experience and that would be the schools that are here.

I'm not even going to say which schools, because it just doesn't matter.

Steven is starting 9th grade this year.   (I KNOW, COLLECTIVE GASP)

and get this  GINA is a SENIOR!   A STINKING SENIOR!

One of my fav families (there are many) out here sends their kids to OCS (Oklahoma Christian School) behind Lifechurch on 2nd street in Edmond.   Or maybe Lifechurch sits in front of the School, it all depends on who you are talking to....

Anyhoo...... after visiting with her, I pray and pray about it, and decide that my 3 Vietnamese Jackson's need to attend this amazing school.

3rd grade, full up.  So no room at the inn for Zachary George.

However, the other two.   Full on.

Now Gina is on an IEP, and if you aren't familiar with these little jewels, you are way ahead of the game.   It stands for Individual Educational Plan, and it helps kids get the help they need in school.  Well my all time favorite governor and first lady, Brad & Kim Henry, first children were twins.  Lindsay had health issues and passed away.  There is an amazing scholarship called the Lindsay Nicole henry Scholarship, that helps kids in public schools on IEP's have the ability to forego their IEP's and get a tuition waiver at a private school.

COWABUNGA.

All sounds well and good until you look at a private school curriculum.  It's not for sissies, yo.  And couple that with the need to ALSO meet all the Oklahoma Promise (a program for kids to have a 4 yr college paid for through the state, which she is on track to get).....well, it can be intense.

So we got all that handled and done, and Steven signed up for all his freshmen things and got all the mega boxes of kleenex and clorox and binders and red pens and mechanical pencils and away they go.

But, you have to hear the story how they got there.

I started this process sitting in the business office with the very delightful Linda Catania.  She is God's right hand woman on earth.   I'm not just kidding.   She looked at my optimistic eyes and listened to me rave on and on about my interesting kids, and then she hit me with the number of dollars it was going to take to send them there.   I'm not going to lie, I had a small aneurysm, coupled with a heart attack in her office.   But to hear her tell it now, I looked cool as a cucumber and very confidently threw out,  "If God wants them here, He will make this happen."   Linda tells me now, as I walked out of her office she thought to herself, "I will never see her again".

Well, Linda doesn't know the power that is behind this machine called Lolly.   I pushed ahead and registered them and got them tested.  They tested high enough to be admitted (Praise!!!!) and then the praying on my end began.   "Lord, please help me figure out a way"

After a restless night, of dreaming of garage sales, and fundraisers and a second job, I opened my eyes to God's voice telling me to reach out to my friend, Bill Junk  (Who you might remember blessed us with a fridge, a lawnmower and a trampoline when we moved in).  He is the president of the United Methodist Foundation and I emailed him right away and asked him if they had scholarships and told him what I was trying to do and asked him if he could help me with the $900 enrollment/book fee.

After about 2 minutes of pushing SEND, he shot me right back and said, "No, I can't help you with the $900, but we could help you with ALL OF IT"........

I don't even know how to describe to you the feeling I had.  I think I tunnel visioned and lost my hearing for a while.

God.  Made.  A.  Way.

Like HE always does.

I filled out the scholarship forms and boom.... done.

I emailed my new friend, Linda Catania and told her, and she had to call me to hear the story first hand.  We shed tears over the phone.  She also shared that story with the ENTIRE FACULTY, so we are small legends as we meet people.   "Oh, you're THOSE people!  That was AMAZING".

People.   Do you live expectantly?  DO you believe that God can bring you through it?  Even in hard times, he is preparing you for the most incredible things to come.

Before Laynie, I didn't even know how to live expectantly.  I didn't even know that was a thing.  And through obedience and fostering and generously tithing and giving of myself, God sends angels on earth to blow your minds and minister to your needs.

You just have to believe --- and He will overwhelm you with His abundant goodness.

I can't even imagine the impact this school is going to have on these kids.  I can't even imagine the impact these kids are going to have on this school.  My head swims with the possibilities. 

Gina made their first day of school signs because she knows I am not to be trusted with these things.
She made one for herself, one for Steven, and then one from me.

Every time we go anywhere as a group, and we are getting ready to leave the car, I ask them in a very "mom" voice,  "People, what are we NOT going to do in here?"   and they all together chime out,  "Shame the Family".     Raise a child in the way they should go........ (LOL)

This adventure called life is a wild ride.  Good times, bad times, happy times, PRAISE times, hard times.  Just live in God's pocket.  He will carry you through all of it.

God is good, All the TIme.

The PARTY IS ON!  OCS please, table for 12.  

Never Gonna Let you Down

There are some things going down at the 8181.

Things I'm not ready to talk about yet.   But because I process through writing, here I am.  At 5:30 in the morning.

Broken and humbled.

Because it is at our most broken, when we desperately seek God.

I read something yesterday, on my Timehop, that shows me what I was doing on that very day, 1 year ago, 2 years ago, 3 years ago...etc.

8 years ago, Laynie had been gone to heaven for 13 days.

Big things happen in our lives, and we have to change. 

We HAVE To.

If we just keep doing the same things over and over and expect a different result, what is that called,  Oh yes, I remember.   Insanity.

God is faithful.   God is there, waiting for you to ask Him in.   In our most broken hour, He is the one to turn to, to beg for mercy, to ask for grace and He gives us forgiveness.  He brings us peace and His neverending love.

I have screwed up so many ways in my life.  I made mistake, after mistake, after mistake, and God was there, patiently waiting for me to come back to Him.   And when I finally asked Him fully into my life, He has blessed me a thousand fold with blessing upon blessing.

Because He is Good.

I could take all the brokenness of my life and blame Him.   God why did you let this happen?  Why did you have to take Laynie?   Why couldn't she be healed and let us enjoy her?  Why did you do it, God?   and run down the road of blame and despair that would never stop.

But Jesus didn't say,  "For in this world you will have the good ship lollipop live at your doorstep" he said "For in this world you will have troubles"   and by troubles he meant some wild sh*& -
stuff you would never hope happen to you.....death, loss, anger, pain, trials, temptations, all the things. 

All.  The.  Everloving.  Things.

And then.....

But, fear not, I have overcome the world.     So in the same world, we are going to have those damn troubles, He tells us to fear not...to settle down...to bask in His goodness and mercy and acceptance, and let Him handle the worries, because HE alone, has overcome the world.

IN ME, you WILL HAVE PEACE.

If that's not good stuff, I don't know what is.   Death cannot separate us from Him, (and our loved ones, yes Laynie I will SEE YOU AGAIN), foolish mistakes cannot separate us from Him (Oh, thank you Lord for your forgiveness), because HE IS THERE.   HE is ALWAYS there...waiting for us to run into His loving arms and take us back.

What's holding you from running to Him?   Fear, embarrassment?   Don't do the same thing over and over again expecting a different result!  Run to Jesus and let Him in and start healing today.

And get an accountability partner that will hold you to your resolve and pray with and for you, because Where two or more are gathered.....He is there. 

And He is SOOOO good.

 Though I would NEVER want to experience the pain of losing Laynie again, Laynie's life forever changed me. Refined me.   Without the trials....there is never an opportunity to ask for His interceding, to get on your knees and pray the broken prayers... and He is waiting...so good....and He's never gonna let you down...