Plus, I wasn't really sure how the story was going to play out, but I know you guys were praying for my family, because God came through in a powerful, mighty way.
So with that said, I want to start saying that I have Gina's full blessing on sharing this story. I have always been transparent on this blog because I lived in the shadows for many years and the devil had such a grip on my life, that these days I refuse to live anywhere but in the total light. NO more darkness. Uncertainty, fear, sadness, heartache live in the dark.
First I want to talk about kids from hard places. Since living at the ranch, I have had my eyes and ears opened to such amazing resources and learned so much. I'm going to give you a 30 second brief of what I have learned.
And keep it simple, because I dig simple.
Basically, our brains are wired in two places. Upstairs brain, and downstairs brain. The upstairs brain is the brain we as parents, nurture and develop in our children. We read to them, we sing to them, we encourage them to roll all over the floor, bounce in bouncy seats -- we feed them healthy food (some of us more accomplished than others), we run to their cries, we protect them, we teach them ALL THE EVERLOVING THINGS. Most children live in their upstairs brain. They dance, they play, they TALK to you about all THE THINGS ALL DAY LONG, and are curious little magpies.
Now kids from hard places don't work from their upstairs brains. For whatever reason, their parents aren't available to help develop those. These children work from their downstairs brain. In that brain, they develop the flight, fright and freeze mode. That part of the brain triggers from trauma. Mom getting hit by dad, fighting, drug dealers in and out of houses, gun shots, not sure when or if they will get fed again, or even worse, getting hit and hit and hit by their parents. Terrorized, daily stimulation of that downstairs brain. That part of the brain can bite your head off, throw a screaming tantrum in a new york minute in the middle of walmart without provocation. That part of the brain is SO necessary for the normal child to discern DANGER. Kids from hard places don't go there only in scary times, they live in this part of the brain.
These kids THRIVE in chaos. Quiet, "normal" houses tend to freak them out. Where's the stimulation?
Now take this example, and let's add "boyfriend" to the mix.
In a "normal" (and you ALL know how I feel about NORMAL-- setting on a dryer, baby--) kid, boy - girl craziness is almost overwhelming in the best of circumstances. This is because the front of their upstairs brain is not fully developed until they are in their mid 20's. It's the part of the brain that helps them understand "long term consequences" and "long term thinking".
This information really ticked me off. Because first of all teenagers are almost the worst thing on the planet, and then without that very important front part of the brain..... it almost is enough for mothers to eat their young. You know what I'm saying.
Now couple that with a kid that has tiptoed around in her upstairs brain for the last 5-6 years. Fully engaging it, probably 1 year or so. (maturing and blossoming like crazy!) Then flood their brain with dopamine from the "LOVE" hormone, and just wait for the Yellowstone, Old faithful EXPLOSION of "My life will never be the same without this human in my life" and all that mix is a GIANT CAULDRON OF DISASTER.
Plus, I'm an old mom. I don't police the children as I should. So, non-police-ing, coupled with the dopamine flooding the brain....
The grand tsunami of Love Potion #9 strikes and Strikes hard.
God has solidly got our backs, though, because as events unraveled, AND BOY DID THEY.... I found out almost instantaneously as they happened. Which is funny, because I believe to this day, my mom is clueless about most of my teenage happenings....and mercy, am I thankful, because I think she still might take a belt to my hind end if she knew some of the things......
SO.... long story short.....bad choices were made in the heat of moments, and this mom (me, if you are keeping up) LOST HER EVER LOVING MIND over ALL THE BOYFRIEND things.
Our house was turned upside down and shooken (as my new kids say). No bueno.
I was triggered by the staggering similarities to one of my past relationships, she was triggered because of the flood of dopamine released in her brain 24/7 and it was just a bang load of badness.
And this from a little girl that absolutely loves Jesus with all of her heart, soul and mind.
The enemy was looking for a foothold and DANG did he find one. The devil will NOT tempt your chidren with scary things they run from.....he delights in pulling them into the thing they desire most. Don't forget that.
Now that the dust has settled, and we have gotten a hold of our world again, I sat down and really thought about this and wanted to share with you, What we are doing differently and what I caution ALL PARENTS OF TEENS, and almost teens TO DO (if you are not already doing it)
1-NO TEENAGER THAT LIVES IN YOUR HOME SHOULD HAVE ACCESS TO THEIR CELLPHONES PAST 8 pm. Period. I'm embarrassed I have to even put that because I preached it to everyone I know, and didn't make my own kid do it. And she ran with it. I mean, RAN WITH IT. All night every night, text, text, text. Facetime facetime facetime. Charge those puppies in your room, on their chargers, giving them ZERO access to them.
DON'T THINK YOUR KID WON"T DO IT, because THEY WILL. (They are IN LOVE)
2- Get an ACCOUNTABILITY APP that mirrors their phones on your own. THEY DON"T NEED PRIVACY, THEY ARE STUPID. Jesus Lord on High, they are stupid. Even though they appear smart, and might make good grades.....They are Stupid Stupid Stupid little humans. MAKE SURE YOU SEE EVERYTHING THEY ARE DOING. Accountable 2 You is app of choice. $7/mo, you get it all. ALL OF IT. Sheesh.
3- WHY DO OUR KIDS EVEN NEED A PHONE? WHY? THEY are stupid little people (I mean, stupid stupid, have I said this, STUPID?) choice making, dumb decision making, no consequence thinking short term planners, and for the love of all that is holy....why do they need a phone? Steven broke his phone last day of school and I did not replace it, because frankly, I'm tired of only seeing the top of his head as he stares at his phone, 24/7. He has had to ACTUALLY TALK TO REAL HUMANS and HAVE CONVERSATIONS with them this summer, and I liked it. I still haven't gotten him his replacement phone, and I might not until he is 16. I'm serious as a heart attack. AND OMG, 6 year olds with IPHONES SHOULD BE AGAINST THE law. What in the heck of america are people thinking? It's a road to the most destructive things, and I just handed my two innocents phones and basically said GOD SPEED. #motheroftheyear #nomore #cellphonejail
4- Go straight to a christian book store (Or Amazon) and buy Levi Lusko's book "Swipe RIGHT" and read it like it is THE BIBLE. Read it and highlight things, then read it again, slower, and pray. Then read it one more time. I have never read a book so powerful and to the point about sex before marriage. It is eye opening and relevant and should be required reading in school. It's that good.
4- THEN Talk to your kids about sex. It is the most awkward, embarrassing, painful, sweaty palmed and pits thing I have ever done, and it probably still won't stop them, but DO IT. They don't listen, because we are stupid parents, and don't know anything and they are IN LOVE, so what do we know? I thought I would never say this, but put your daughters on birth control. Don't be stupid. (Like they are). NO YOU ARE NOT SAYING, "OH hey I don't care if you have sex" you are saying, "I care enough about you to keep you from having a baby at 16-17-18-19". I preach abstinence faithfully, but EVERY THING THEY watch on tv, at the movies, listen to on the radio, hear their friends talk about, EVERYTHING is casual sex. EVERY.THING. Do not think your kids won't have sex because you tell them not to. They are STUPID and do STUPID things. PROTECT THEM. Have the condom talk. Show them every gross picture you can find on the internet of STD's. Do whatever it takes. Kids today think oral sex is kissing. Don't be stupid like they are, protect them.
6- Pray for your kids. Pray over your kids. Pray and pray and pray and pray and never stop praying. Ask other people to pray with you because sometimes you need your village. Teenage years are tough and seem like they drag on forever when you are in the eye of the hormone storm, but they are critical and these children that are trying to "Adult" before their time can make you lose your shit seventy five times per day, I am not going to lie. But then, you turn around and that very same kid that you were ready to toss off a mountain, all the sudden their brain finishes developing and you are cool again.
This season has been a real eye opener for me. Everything has changed since my oldest girls were in high school and Hallie was always busy with volleyball and kept me blinded to all the hormone things because we were always so very very on the go with her sport. Maybe that becomes my
#7- Find something your kid is passionate about (sports, music, theatre, band, piano, drama, ANYTHING THAT KEEPS THEM BUSY) and get them involved in that. Keep them off their PHONES. If you have a 11 year old BEGGING YOU for a phone....resist. WHY DO THEY NEED ONE? Because they look dorky because all their friends have one? Please trust this old woman, and just say NO. If they get one it's a 9-1-1 emergency call only. Do not be stupid like me and hand a stupid little kid a phone with thestupid world at their fingertips. They don't need the world. They need you. and a good spanking, and maybe a sport
OK. That's it. Parenting sometimes bites, but then you just hang in there and you get some pretty amazing kids out of the deal.
Just keep praying.
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