Life and Loss

 I quit enjoying Labor Day a long time ago.

The first incident happened in 1992.  My grandma was in the mid stages of Alzheimers and even though we knew she probably shouldn't live alone, you couldn't blast her off her "hill" with dynamite.  Mom kept very close tabs on her, but late on Saturday night of Labor day weekend, she somehow ended up outside on her road in the middle of the night and a young man, driving home from his late night shift, didn't see her in the road until he was up on her and even though he didn't hit her head on, his mirror on his truck caught her and knocked her to the ground, breaking her hip.  Mom and dad brought her to Shawnee, where she had surgery with mom's orthopedic doctor that she worked for, and long, sad story short, she never went home.  She lived a few more years in the nursing home right by my mom's house, and that sad story became the first of what would become my least favorite holiday.

The second incident happened in 1994.  My dad had been sick with something we couldn't really nail down, and was in the hospital in OKC.  He turned 60 years old in the hospital, and had surgery to remove his adrenal glands on Labor Day weekend, 1994.  Somehow in the process of the surgery, contaminated sutures were put in his body, and in his horribly weakened state, he ended up with sepsis and died on September 12.   I was in the hospital room when he died, and no one should have to ever watch someone they love pass away.  It takes a piece of your heart and your soul, and it's very very hard to erase that pain from your heart, even years later, I can feel it.  

The third loss came Labor Day of 2012.   My nephew (my cousin's son ALWAYS called me AUNT Laura, even though we told him repeatedly I was not his aunt, he just didn't care), precious Austin Gaffney, drowned in the lake at his grandma's home, while swimming with his sister.   It's been 9 years and I still can't wrap my head around this loss.  We had just seen him in June, with our Texas adventure to pick up Kip after her big world race.  We spent the afternoon with the Gaffney's, eating mexican food and embarrassing Austin and Hallie in the mall with our loud antics and raucous laughter.  He was so tall and I couldn't get over it.  I licked his cheek after we took a picture together and he rolled on the floor and asked me, "WHY DID YOU DO THAT?"  and I told him,  "I just had too, you're so yummy".   He tried to pick up our tiny Mazda 2 that we had rented to run around in that day, he was convinced he was strong enough to do it.  He had just gotten his driver's license and had a girlfriend and it was just a lot of living left in this young man.  A stellar athlete, a rock star overachiever, lover of animals and anything military and militia, this kid was a wunderkind of knowledge.  I still gasp at the loss when I allow my mind to go there.  My cousin, who is close as a sister to me, and her husband, a brother... Shannon and Mike lost their baby that day, and have had to learn to live a life a little less bright without him in it.    

So, needless to say..... I am a zero fan of Labor Day weekend.  

This year, we are facing the loss of Lacey and Kristen's grandpa Walter.   He's been declining rapidly the last few months, and I'm just so sad about all of it.   The thing is, the ornery stink is 89 years old.  He was working in the garden in May.  He wasn't running circles or anything, but he was up, in a chair, manning the process.  If you know Walter, you know what a story telling, ornery, booger he is.  But what a heart of gold.  He would literally give the shirt of his back if he needed to.  Lacey and family moved out to the farm about 2 years ago.  What a gift and blessing that has been.  The four generations living together and those little great grandsons bringing such a light and energy to that house again.  Carl has been an amazing rockstar.  His selflessness in all the things regarding his mom and dad has just been something to see.  He handles all the things and just gets it done. His wife, Evelyn has been amazing support too and I really stand in awe of those two and how they've stepped up to take care of his parents.   It really, really takes a village to care for aging parents, and what an amazing village they have created on the farm, with all the generations kicking in to help.  Beautiful to witness.  

So many heartache situations all around.  Friends in the hospital with covid,  friends having health issues and loss and so many things could take us down.  

Thank goodness Jesus Christ sits on the throne and beckons us to come walk with Him.  He carries us through our hardest days, and our darkest hours, and is there for us to cry our sorrows and anger on Him.  He is our hope, our healer, our salvation.  Without Him, I'm not sure how I could bear all the pain of the losses.  

God is always there.