It seems like yesterday in some ways, and a lifetime ago in others.
My first grandchild. My only granddaughter.
Everyone around me is so freaked out about the coronavirus. The unknown. The uncertainty. The scariness of the "not knowing".
Let me introduce you to the one that taught me ALL about all those things.
This living doll wasn't even suppose to survive past birth, much less live through 2 birthdays. She taught me that life isn't about all the stuff, it's about all the love and faith in God and believing in something bigger than what is right in front of your nose.
If Laynie hadn't taught me that God is in control.....I mean MASSIVE control, that nothing in this world doesn't HAPPEN for a reason, I probably would be freaking out about all our circumstances now too.
However. As many hours as I spent in prayer over this tiny girl, I finally understood what no church could make me understand.....that my relationship with Jesus Christ would sustain me through it all. Jesus would be with me Through the pain of watching her stop making red blood cells. Through the pain of watching my daughter lose her precious baby girl that she had prayed and fought for. He was with me through the pain of losing Laynie and beside me as I walked through those lonely, sad days.
God is always there.
And without learning it first hand from her journey, I wouldn't be able to sit here and tell you that no matter what ...... you make it through. It's been 10 years and while I can't say it was all sunshine and roses..... Our family has thrived. Lacey has a new marriage and two healthy, ornery boys. She has taken her masters degree, and instead of banking dollars, she helps countless families learn how to be better parents, and is changing generations at her non profit, Legacy Parenting Center. I took all my sadness and heartache and poured it into fostering, expanding my family in more ways than I could ever imagine. Hallie has a foundation that she draws from in every trial of her life. We are all profoundly different.
And it's because of her life. The life they wanted us to terminate. The life we would have missed had we listened to the doctors.
I say that the time we had with Laynie was anointed. I read the stuff I wrote during her life and I was so in God's pocket I don't even know where those words came from. I miss those times. I miss Laynie. My precious little bald headed, loud mouth baby
Granddaughter, I know I will see you again. I see your face in your brothers. I hear your voice in Jack's laughter. I feel your heart in your mom's hugs. Thank you for leading me to Jesus. Thank you for your life and on this 10th year of you getting your angel wings.... I still think of you everyday and tell everyone I meet about you. And I always will.
I will see you again, my darling Laynie Hope......
Forever and a day.... Your Lolly
No comments:
Post a Comment