About three weeks ago, I found out that one of my cousins has breast cancer.
On my mom's side, my brother is the not only the oldest cousin, but he is the only boy. He always lamented that he wished someone would "Give him a boy to play with", but it was not to be, we were presented girl cousins, 5 times over.
I, however, was in heaven. Because cousins are better than sisters, because you have that family connection, without the reality of having to share, live and breathe every second of every day with them. (kind of like grandkids, get to enjoy all their gifts, and then send them home).
So when I heard the news that the "Mother Teresa" of our family, my baby cousin, had been diagnosed, I bawled my face off. Broke my heart.
I just saw her when Lacey, Deaton & I made our quick trip to California the first of April.
Alison and I, without knowledge of the other's thinking, got into the adoption thing about the same time. I had no idea she was working on an international adoption, and she and her family (Scott, husband, 4 daughters, Victoria, Savannah, Ashlynn and Laramie) adopted 2 little boys from Ethiopia. Levi and Ethan. She runs their farm, she homeschools her kids, she is the REAL deal, people.
And she gets this kick to the gut. Her first reaction is not one of sorrow for herself, but her first thought, "I don't want to do this to my kids". Which doesn't surprise me, because she is one of the most selfless people I know.
I don't tell this much, because most people wouldn't get it, but for the sake of transparency and my obedience to God in all of this, I'm sharing this. When Laynie was alive, it started for me. In my early morning hours, when you start to wake up and your subconscious is awake, but your brain hasn't kicked in fully (I know you all are thinking that's how I roll 24/7, but keep those thoughts to yourself), that's when God speaks to me.
During that anointed, blessed time with Laynie, I heard Him almost daily. He spoke truth and positivity into my daily life, and usually, I would sprint out of bed, and put it all in writing, and share that with you. Most of my blogs during Laynie's life and beyond, came from the voice that led me every single day.
After we lost Laynie, that voice told me to foster, and later, adopt, and then I didn't hear it (probably because I'm so exhausted from raising kids !!!) for the last year and a half or so.
PHEW, He isn't going to ask any more of me! I DID IT! I answered His call and I'm Done!!
Then about 4-5 months ago, He came back and told me that a girl in a wheelchair was going to come and live with us.
I have to tell you, I sat straight up in bed, and said, "Oh NO, LORD, I can't do that. I'm too old, we have NO room, and I have to tell you NO".
The very weekend after I heard it, I was at church and lo and behold the sermon is in the "Neighbor" series, and it's on adoption. Now normally, anytime I'm at church, and they talk about fostering/adoption, I'm all "Oh yeah, no guilt there, been there, done that, got the adoption papers to prove it", and can move straight on. This time, I sat riddled with anxiety, because I was told and I didn't listen.
That night, I begged, pleaded and prayed for God to task me with something I could handle, something that wouldn't squeeze my already exhausted life into more chaos than I already have.
Then, Alison was diagnosed, and a few days later God laid it on my heart to write about it. To share her story, just like I did Laynie's, and have world wide prayer for her. And the anxiety about the wheelchair kid disappeared. God gave me a different direction. Because....
Prayer changed lives in Laynie's life.
Prayer will change lives in Alison's.
He also told me, he would give her full healing. I'm standing on faith on that. I'm counting on that. I'm believing without limitations on that promise.
My cousin is gifted with the writing gene. She can write brilliantly, so when she feels she can share things with me, with her permission, I am going to share her words with you. She leaves me in tears with her confidence in our Lord, her selfless love, and her devotion and unconditional love for her family.
After seeing surgeons in her area (Redding), she opted to go to San Francisco, as they have a world class breast clinic there, and she saw the leading surgeon, and built a plan. The first thing to do, when you are diagnosed is to see if you carry genetics for this type of cancer. Then you build your plan. (remember Angelina Jolie, she carried genetic profiles in her DNA, so she opted to have a double masectomy, oopherectomy, pre-cancer, to knock down her chances of cancer)/ That's what we were waiting on when I approached Alison, telling her I'm suppose to share her story. This was her response a few days back.....
" I am working through life hour by hour, day by day. God and I have been having many conversations lately, and although I do not know if He will choose to heal me completely before, through or after treatment, day by day I am learning to let go and let Him have control of my life. Words like “submission” and “total abandon” rattle through my head. I cry to the Lord that this is not fair to my children... that the boys have already experienced too much grief and loss and insecurity in this life. He replies that the boys are HIS, that God knew all of this before the boys ever came to live with us and He STILL chose me to be their momma; that HE is the owner and I am the manager, and I need to trust Him. This is so difficult, as I am a control-freak and I love to plan and prepare for all outcomes. However, through my Bible time since my diagnosis, I DO feel that the Lord wants to use this trial to make me look more and more like HIS character. To show my kids that God is good and trustworthy ALL the time, even when the story of our life makes a major left turn that we did not see coming. I plead with the Lord to help me never cause others to stumble when my grief and fears are out in the open, especially my kids, as I walk this journey and learn whatever it is He wants me to learn. I do know that my role is just to give all glory and honor to him. So, that is where my heart is. I am a jumble of emotions from hour to hour... one hour I have complete, utter, ultimate faith in the Lord; the next hour finds me in the bathroom with the door closed (the only quiet place in the whole house!) where I can cry and plead with God to take this cup from me. Whether God chooses to miraculously heal me before my MRI and He is glorified that way, or whether I face a year of treatment and therapies and come out at the other end healed and alive through God sustaining me day by day through all the yuck, I know that He loves me and His plan is best, and all honor and glory belong to Him.
Does that make any sense at all? I feel like my brain is all jumbled and I am having difficulty forming coherent sentences. I do know that I love you and so appreciate your prayers and your support; your rallying your prayer warriors on my behalf. Please let them all know how much I appreciate each and every prayer.'
So, what I need from you, my faithful and unbelievable prayer warriors. My Laynie team, my rock and strength through the anointed time with her.... I need all of you on your knees, praying for Alison. So many of you have told me, how your lives changed, during Laynie's life. It's because you prayed without ceasing on her behalf. Now I am asking you to do it again.... for Alison. I'm asking you to rain prayers on heaven, with her name on your lips.
Because I want to be a faithful servant to what God asked of me, I will share her journey with you.
Because God is Good, All the time.
Latest Grant Family picture - No filter.
