A good weird, but weird, none the less.
And I LOVE it.
I've done this weird job for several years now, with a 4 year hiatus, right smack dab in the middle of it.
But now that I'm back, I'm home. I enjoy the horse pucky out of it. And that's a lot.
I'm a funeral seller.
Yep. I sell funerals.
There are many names for this. Prearrangement specialist, family service, preneed counselor, arrangement advisor, sales counselor, you name it, we have been called it.
Bottom line.... I sell funerals to people.
Because it's the only thing in the world that for certain is going to happen to you.
You. Are. Going. To. Die. Wheeeeeee.......doesn't that sound like a fun job!!?!?!?!?!?!
When I first got into it, Lacey and Kip were still fairly young, and it was very disconcerting for them to tell people what I do.... I always kidded they would rather tell their friends I was a dancer than a funeral salesman. But in truth, Kip was always freaked out. Especially after she visited Baggerly South Funeral Home with me back in the day, and being the curious little being she was, as she toured the facility on her own, she came running into my office, with a pale little face, and informed me, "there is a dead lady in parlor A". Well, uhm, Yes, Kip, dead people are usually in our parlors. That's what they are there for. And another time, I can't remember if it was Hallie or Kip, but they were up at the funeral home with me, and we had 2 people there, and one was overloaded with flowers, just all in the hall and the room was overflowing, massive flowers, and the other person had died with no family, so no flowers. It almost broke my tenderhearted child in two, "Can we please put some flowers into her room, she needs flowers too mom". Sigh.
Then there is Lacey, who also worked at the cemetery with me for a few years and referred to the mausoleum, the place of eternal rest as the "Dead Barn".
Yes, we are a peculiar family of oddities.
Here's the dealio....I have three types of customers. The Prepared, The Ostrich, and The Idiot.
The Prepared is the person whose #1 concern is their family. They don't want them to have to be out a dime, or have to make one decision on their behalf. They sit with me and figure out what is needed, they pay for their casket and services (either at once, or over time insured) and not one thing is left to the kids to have to either come up with money for, or agonize over, in making decisions. I love these people. This is the reason I exist. Everyone knows my dad died at 60 years of age. Suddenly, without warning. That was the worst day of our lives. I should say worst week of our lives. Making all those expensive decisions, and in a hurry and fog of grief. Ugh. That is no way to plan a funeral. I don't blame my dad, he was young. He had lots of time. Don't make that mistake, if you love your family, talk to me about how you protect them.
The Ostrich is the person that knows that death is going to happen, but as long as they don't talk about it, it won't happen. This is tough. Most men are curled in the fetal position, unwilling to talk about losing their spouses. Most children, when approached by their parents, wanting to take care of this for their kids, their kids going nuts and unwilling to talk to them about it, by NOT talking about it, it won't happen. Ostriches wear me thin. Not out, but thin.
Because last but not least are the idiots. These are the people that say stuff like, "I will let my kids deal with it." "It won't happen to me" "I'll donate my body to science" "Just throw me in a pine box and call it a day" (At least the pine box people have given it some thought, so they might fall in the ostrich category). Seriously, these people wear me out. Because at the end of the day, NOTHING is taken care of.
And I can tell by the way the family enters the funeral home, if their plans are prearranged. There is a calm that permeates people that are prepared, and it is powerfully awesome. The ones that come in with no idea how they are going to pay for it, how much it's going to cost, where they are going to go to bury mom or dad, or even what to dress them in....that's a sad appointment. That was us, taking care of my dad. And what's lucky, was we had the money to pay for it, but my frugal dad would have flipped over at our price tag.
So, take the time and visit with me. Let me educate you on funerals. My catchphrase is "I put the FUN in FUNeral." Buying a funeral is a smart choice. YES, life insurance is a great thing. I'm not dissing life insurance in any way, shape or form, but I've never seen a life insurance policy walk into a funeral home and pick out a casket. That's the hard part. I have a paid for funeral AND life insurance, because my family deserves that. But they will buy me flowers. That's the only thing I didn't pay for, cause they better cough up some cash and buy me some carnations.
The best love letter you can give your family is the peace of prearrangement. Pick it out, pay for it and give your family the best gift you can give them for this christmas and every christmas from now on, Peace of mind. It's only a phone call away. Ask your parents if they have prearranged their funerals yet. If they haven't, call me. After I get them taken care of, it's your turn.
Call me. You will be glad you did.
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