Things I'm not ready to talk about yet. But because I process through writing, here I am. At 5:30 in the morning.
Broken and humbled.
Because it is at our most broken, when we desperately seek God.
I read something yesterday, on my Timehop, that shows me what I was doing on that very day, 1 year ago, 2 years ago, 3 years ago...etc.
8 years ago, Laynie had been gone to heaven for 13 days.
Big things happen in our lives, and we have to change.
We HAVE To.
If we just keep doing the same things over and over and expect a different result, what is that called, Oh yes, I remember. Insanity.
God is faithful. God is there, waiting for you to ask Him in. In our most broken hour, He is the one to turn to, to beg for mercy, to ask for grace and He gives us forgiveness. He brings us peace and His neverending love.
I have screwed up so many ways in my life. I made mistake, after mistake, after mistake, and God was there, patiently waiting for me to come back to Him. And when I finally asked Him fully into my life, He has blessed me a thousand fold with blessing upon blessing.
Because He is Good.
I could take all the brokenness of my life and blame Him. God why did you let this happen? Why did you have to take Laynie? Why couldn't she be healed and let us enjoy her? Why did you do it, God? and run down the road of blame and despair that would never stop.
But Jesus didn't say, "For in this world you will have the good ship lollipop live at your doorstep" he said "For in this world you will have troubles" and by troubles he meant some wild sh*& -
stuff you would never hope happen to you.....death, loss, anger, pain, trials, temptations, all the things.
All. The. Everloving. Things.
And then.....
But, fear not, I have overcome the world. So in the same world, we are going to have those damn troubles, He tells us to fear not...to settle down...to bask in His goodness and mercy and acceptance, and let Him handle the worries, because HE alone, has overcome the world.
IN ME, you WILL HAVE PEACE.
If that's not good stuff, I don't know what is. Death cannot separate us from Him, (and our loved ones, yes Laynie I will SEE YOU AGAIN), foolish mistakes cannot separate us from Him (Oh, thank you Lord for your forgiveness), because HE IS THERE. HE is ALWAYS there...waiting for us to run into His loving arms and take us back.
What's holding you from running to Him? Fear, embarrassment? Don't do the same thing over and over again expecting a different result! Run to Jesus and let Him in and start healing today.
And get an accountability partner that will hold you to your resolve and pray with and for you, because Where two or more are gathered.....He is there.
And He is SOOOO good.
Though I would NEVER want to experience the pain of losing Laynie again, Laynie's life forever changed me. Refined me. Without the trials....there is never an opportunity to ask for His interceding, to get on your knees and pray the broken prayers... and He is waiting...so good....and He's never gonna let you down...
