Life and Loss

 I quit enjoying Labor Day a long time ago.

The first incident happened in 1992.  My grandma was in the mid stages of Alzheimers and even though we knew she probably shouldn't live alone, you couldn't blast her off her "hill" with dynamite.  Mom kept very close tabs on her, but late on Saturday night of Labor day weekend, she somehow ended up outside on her road in the middle of the night and a young man, driving home from his late night shift, didn't see her in the road until he was up on her and even though he didn't hit her head on, his mirror on his truck caught her and knocked her to the ground, breaking her hip.  Mom and dad brought her to Shawnee, where she had surgery with mom's orthopedic doctor that she worked for, and long, sad story short, she never went home.  She lived a few more years in the nursing home right by my mom's house, and that sad story became the first of what would become my least favorite holiday.

The second incident happened in 1994.  My dad had been sick with something we couldn't really nail down, and was in the hospital in OKC.  He turned 60 years old in the hospital, and had surgery to remove his adrenal glands on Labor Day weekend, 1994.  Somehow in the process of the surgery, contaminated sutures were put in his body, and in his horribly weakened state, he ended up with sepsis and died on September 12.   I was in the hospital room when he died, and no one should have to ever watch someone they love pass away.  It takes a piece of your heart and your soul, and it's very very hard to erase that pain from your heart, even years later, I can feel it.  

The third loss came Labor Day of 2012.   My nephew (my cousin's son ALWAYS called me AUNT Laura, even though we told him repeatedly I was not his aunt, he just didn't care), precious Austin Gaffney, drowned in the lake at his grandma's home, while swimming with his sister.   It's been 9 years and I still can't wrap my head around this loss.  We had just seen him in June, with our Texas adventure to pick up Kip after her big world race.  We spent the afternoon with the Gaffney's, eating mexican food and embarrassing Austin and Hallie in the mall with our loud antics and raucous laughter.  He was so tall and I couldn't get over it.  I licked his cheek after we took a picture together and he rolled on the floor and asked me, "WHY DID YOU DO THAT?"  and I told him,  "I just had too, you're so yummy".   He tried to pick up our tiny Mazda 2 that we had rented to run around in that day, he was convinced he was strong enough to do it.  He had just gotten his driver's license and had a girlfriend and it was just a lot of living left in this young man.  A stellar athlete, a rock star overachiever, lover of animals and anything military and militia, this kid was a wunderkind of knowledge.  I still gasp at the loss when I allow my mind to go there.  My cousin, who is close as a sister to me, and her husband, a brother... Shannon and Mike lost their baby that day, and have had to learn to live a life a little less bright without him in it.    

So, needless to say..... I am a zero fan of Labor Day weekend.  

This year, we are facing the loss of Lacey and Kristen's grandpa Walter.   He's been declining rapidly the last few months, and I'm just so sad about all of it.   The thing is, the ornery stink is 89 years old.  He was working in the garden in May.  He wasn't running circles or anything, but he was up, in a chair, manning the process.  If you know Walter, you know what a story telling, ornery, booger he is.  But what a heart of gold.  He would literally give the shirt of his back if he needed to.  Lacey and family moved out to the farm about 2 years ago.  What a gift and blessing that has been.  The four generations living together and those little great grandsons bringing such a light and energy to that house again.  Carl has been an amazing rockstar.  His selflessness in all the things regarding his mom and dad has just been something to see.  He handles all the things and just gets it done. His wife, Evelyn has been amazing support too and I really stand in awe of those two and how they've stepped up to take care of his parents.   It really, really takes a village to care for aging parents, and what an amazing village they have created on the farm, with all the generations kicking in to help.  Beautiful to witness.  

So many heartache situations all around.  Friends in the hospital with covid,  friends having health issues and loss and so many things could take us down.  

Thank goodness Jesus Christ sits on the throne and beckons us to come walk with Him.  He carries us through our hardest days, and our darkest hours, and is there for us to cry our sorrows and anger on Him.  He is our hope, our healer, our salvation.  Without Him, I'm not sure how I could bear all the pain of the losses.  

God is always there. 

Being A Pirate

 When we moved back to Shawnee one of the most important things to me was getting the boys in a good school.  With both boys being excellent students, I knew grades wouldn't be an issue.  The issue was good friends.  Solid parents.  Fun sports.  

We have found that with Dale Schools.  

The boys both love basketball and if you love basketball, Dale is the place for that passion.  Baseball and basketball are the sports of the pirates.    We hadn't pursued baseball in the past, so we settled on basketball.   (FYI, Zach is playing baseball this spring, so I get to drive to two practices a week and 470 games and sit outside in a chair in the wind and in the heat and in the wind and in the heat and in a chair outside in the wind and in the outdoors and watch Zach play baseball.  For this new development, I am pumped) But more about this later.  

For now, I want to talk about Dale Pirate Basketball.  

Steven made the team last year in JV.  He was a short little guy with glasses.  But man oh man, he has a 3 and he is a fast little motor scooter, so he made JV.  

This year in a new astonishing development, covid quarantine gave him some growing powers and he has grown to an amazing 6 foot tall.  I think it's all the slim jims.  They must have growth hormone or something, but it's working and my tiny precious asian is now a tall buff man.  It still throws me off.  

I only watched JV boys last year, would slide in the gym as they started and watch Steven run up and down the court and then leave when it was over.  Never watched varsity, just watched Steven and leave.   One evening, after a game when he arrived home and was relating the awesomeness of what I had missed and informed me, "You leave when it gets good, you need to stay".    I mean, I have been to MANY high school sporting activities, with both Lacey and Kip on Pom squad at Carl Albert (allll the football) and watching Hallie play volleyball at Norman North, and meandering up to watch Trae Young shoot from the half court at Norman North,  I mostly avoided high school sports because, welllllll, they are high school sports.  

2A basketball is a whole league of it's own.  The first time I stayed and watched, I was hooked.  Never missed a game again.  I love these kids like I birthed them all.  How ridiculous is that?   I cheer until I'm hoarse, and most of the girls don't even know me.   "Who is this crazy old woman screaming my name at me?  Why does she keep telling me to "D" up?"   Same thing with the parents.   Since my sons and I bear such a marked resemblance, shouldn't they know who I am?   I've finally met some/most of the boys moms, so they don't think I'm some weird stalker anymore.   These parents are polite clappers (except for Trish Sheppard, Lucky's mama who screams louder than me) and I don't think they knew quite how to take me, yelling at them to stand up and cheer for their team.  I was told it's because they aren't a football school, and they don't really know how to yell.  Well as a mom of two pom girls, and a volleyball mom, I stinking know how to yell.  (Much to steven's chagrin)  As they have all come to figure out who I belong to  "Oh, STEVEN??  WE LOVE STEVEN", I'm slowly becoming part of the whole

The past two days have been a roller coaster of adrenaline and emotion.   Last year, state got cancelled right at the "Covid breakout".   Dale was ranked #1, boys and girls.   Huge let down.  This year we donned our masks and headed to the "Big house", both ranked number 1 again.  The girls won every game on the way to the big house, like bosses of the highest magnitude.  Destroyed every team, didn't even look fair.  Did that most of the season, losing only 2 games in my recollection, always close, always a heartbreaker.  One of those teams was Silo.  They have a center the size of a behemoth baby and she just stands under the basket and puts it in,  She's so much bigger than any of our normal sized girls, it's just a lot to defend and rebound against.  Brooklyn Rutland is a standout power forward and she could sneak in and grab it, but in the end they just couldn't get that last bucket to land and they lost in the semis to Silo land of the giant, and their road was ended.  All the girls are amazing, Elaine Witt (Sr) is a tiny little girl/woman and she is the toughest, quickest point guard in all of the land.    I've already talked about Brooklyn, our sophomore, fiery redhead that isn't afraid to take an elbow, or a charge.  Faith Wright, the queen of the 3 pointers, thankfully is a junior and will be back.  Danyn Lang is a senior, and I loved watching her guard and shoot that ball.  Makenzie Gill (jr) was on fire yesterday and put up some critical threes for us, and is always a solid guard down the floor.  Other amazing seniors, Anna Hester, Miya Miller and Emilia Idleman will be missed  next year.  I was always jazzed when Emmie would go in, because she put on a show.  Tough and ready to rumble.  I felt a little sorry for whoever she was guarding, because that chick was going down.  . Like I said, I love them like I birthed them and only a couple know me.   Justyce Shirey and Makenzy Herman are a couple more that I loved watching play.  Addie Bell will bring a lot to the table next year as well.   Just a talented team.

BUT THE BOYS.   We had a crazy good season.  Stayed undefeated for the longest time.  Took Kingston tournament, kept winning, kept winning, and then Cashion stunned us in a 1 point buzzer beater.  Ugh.  ouch.  Then a couple of more upsets later down the line,  but a ton of wins in between punched our ticket to regionals, area, without a loss on the way.  Usually destroying them and making me breath easy without any heart palpitations or stress eating peanut m&m's.  Then state.  First round was an intense battle of wills against an very motivated Morrison team.  Carter Crowe at the buzzer for a 1 point win.  Then on to Yukon to play Howe in the semi finals.  These punks are super intense AND their coach and his enthusiasm (nice word for arrogance) gets on mama's nerves, so I choose to try and not look at him.  The ref's were blind at both the boys and the girls games, so we not only had the team to defeat but played the refs too (I hate that) but honestly, the boys just didn't play their best game, and I think they knew it and the parents knew it, and in the end we lost by 10.  On a good playing day, this team would have been toast.  Our seniors Dallen Forsythe, our point guard and man of steel, who can literally jump over me without even touching me, he jumps so high,  had two men on him pretty much the whole time.  Palmer Jones our power forward, made his incredible strong, quick moves, but couldn't get a bucket to stick (Which just never happens).  Carter Crowe, our crazy strong center) bless his heart, left everything he had on the floor. Fun fact about Carter: when he would land a 3 he would salute running down the court and I stinking loved that.    I left the game with about 45 seconds on the clock, because I couldn't even bear to watch it unfold.  After struggling so hard with the defeat of the girls earlier in the day, I couldn't watch it happen again.  Deken Jones (freshman, brother of Palmer) and Dayton Forsythe (Freshman, brother of Dallen) left it all on the floor as well.  Connor Kuykendall (jr) did his amazing stealing and fresh energy that he always brings, but in the end, it just wasn't enough to take it home.  I love these boys.  Not little love but capital L O V E these boys. 

\

I've played poker with some of them, dominos with most and fed/housed all of them at one time or another.  They call me "Mama Steve" and say "Yes, ma'am" or "No, ma'am" (their mamas taught them manners, whereas I just tried to keep mine fed and dressed, manners, do what?).    

But THE BEST PART of all of this story -- on the way back from regionals  I get a text from Steven, "What is that song at church that I like?"  (OK son, Give me more clues)   "Another in the fire?"   Bingo.  (Man I'm good).   Find out later, they had a worship set on the bus on the way home.  The Home skillets are listening and singing praise and worship music.  I don't know about y'alls high school experiences with sports teams, but this doesn't happen very often.   I had already asked Dallen, Lucky and Steven if they wanted to do a bible study with me on Youversion, and we had been making our way through one together, so that got them thinking, after the worship set, they set a bible study with several of the team on the app, and several even did one with ole mama steve.  Their insight and input on the discussion boards give me hope for our next generation.  I thought I loved Palmer Jones before the bible study, but hearing his mature thoughts and his great knowledge of the bible...this guy is a gem.  They all are.  Loving Jesus and following him is a priority and that's what makes them the jewels they are.  

I know they are disappointed about the gold ball, but in the scheme of it all, they won a much bigger prize.  They know the joy of following Jesus and reading His word and being immersed in faith and grace.  I hope it gives them a foundation of a life following Christ and being a sold out Jesus freak.  What they have found together is a bond of brotherhood, joined by the blood of one who loves them more than any of us, and gave His life to die on a cross so that we can live free and enjoy basketball games and honor Him by living a life well  lived.   That's the prize.   That's the goal we want to make.  And they are doing that.  

It was a great season.  It is a great life.   On to the next thing.   God is So Good.  

Ft. Bragg or Bust- Hallie's Post Night 2021

It's hard to believe that Hallie's West Point journey is about to be over in 100 or so days.  To her it seems like an eternity, to me it was a blink of an eye.

She found out in November that she would branch Air Defense Artillery.  She will train for 4 months (starting in August) at Ft. Sill, and then she selected Fort Bragg, North Carolina as her post.  The vacation potential is overwhelming and strong.  

Her exuberant video made the USMA instagram page.  

If you watched "post night" anywhere they were streaming you would have seen pretty sedate people walking to the front, and calmly picking out their posts and everyone politely golf clapping.  Pretty much across the board.   Then you click over and see Hallie, basically bouncing up and down, impatiently waiting her turn, praying there would be a Ft. Bragg on the board left for her to claim, then practically skipping to the front to take her place!  Everything sooooo Hal. Lee.  (except the guy calling her Haylee.   DUDE.  Hal.  Lee  not Hay.  Lee.  Hal.  Hal.  Hal.)  

She knew the guy in front of her was on the fence about it, and if he had taken it, she would have been stuck at Ft. Sill for 5 years instead.  We have talked HOURS about this possibility.  I told her several weeks ago that God had her plan and if HIS plan was for her to be in Oklahoma, there wouldn't be any Ft Bragg patch up on the board.   And I've always said this girl should be a lawyer, because her negotiation style is on point.  She had already told me she had figured out how she was going to try and convince the guy ahead of her that Oklahoma was the PLACE TO BE.   I think he didn't really care where he was going, and because she was so passionate about where she wanted to go, he deferred to her impassioned argument and let her have it.  

HALLELUJAH!  

The best part of the video is her goofy goofy self, forgetting to take off her mask, and then forgetting to hold up her post page for the picture and not even understanding what they are pointing to -- everytime I watch it I roll.  

My mom heart is sad she won't be 2 hours away, but the past 4 years have taught me that distance doesn't stop my girl from calling me 4 times a day, so 12 hours south of New York, won't be any different.  Plus I can drag my happy butt out there any time and actually seeeeeee her.   WHAT?  So, yeah, I'm pumped.  Beach, mountains, lakes..... Melba(one of my besties)  just a bit south.   So, it's all good.

Now if we can get everything open so we can all attend graduation like we have been planning for 4 years.  We have a magnificent house reserved for the entire gang (like 25 of us) in Bear Mountain and we are STOKED with our fingers crossed and our airplane tickets bought and ready to go, praying that nothing weird goes down and that everything keeps opening back up so we can all attend.  

What a crazy, bumpy ride this journey has been.  I will be forever grateful for the time she got to be home with us this past long "spring break".  What a blessing and so much fun.  

I feel pretty sorry for the class of 2021, the entire existence of West Point is all about the "firstie" year.  The freedom, the civilian clothes, all of that gone from them this year.  They are surviving and thriving and counting down the days until they are out of there!  

WHAT A RIDE.  

Being Still

 Lacey came in from the early service this morning to visit with the boys and she was a mess.  "You're going to need kleenex"  she threw out to me.  

Oh boy.  I love crying in public.

Said no one ever.  

It's veteran's day this week and the church put together a slide show of the members that had served in the military so when my Hallie's face showed up on the screen, the tears began.  

Then Craig Groeschel brought church to church.  

To say I have been heartbroken, heart shattered, scared, angry and devastated for our nation for the last few days is just a tiny tiny way to put it into words.  Just lost and out of control.  

SO TIRED OF IT.  I've had on repeat, "God is not surprised, God is not surprised".  Still anxious.  

I could go into what Craig's word spoke to my heart here, but I want to share something else......

When Laynie almost died the first time, when she was 18 months old, and her hemoglobin got down to a 1.8, which if any of you are in healthcare, you know that is NOT enough to sustain a life.  But God sustained her and every single day that I woke up, I prayed a prayer of thanks that we had her another day.  

Not one minute of any of those days, was I concerned who was President of the USA.  Not one day.  And looking back, I don't even remember who was president.  Because our days go on, in spite of who is president.  It was important, oh so important, that we lived every single day like it was our very very last.   Living so out of control, not knowing what was going to happen with our tiny little love, it could have been so out of control and all of us could have spiraled out and gone off the rails so very very easy... but you know why we didn't?? 

Because GOD sits on the throne, and when you focus your life and your comings and goings on him, little else matters.  

Now yes, I am super concerned over what is going to happen to our freedom, and our rights and what this country is going to look like for my grandchildren and my great grandchildren.  I'm sure there are 72 million people out there worried as I am.  

But a few days ago, God called on me to be still.  And to unplug, and to just be.  

Be.   Still.   

and know that I AM GOD.  

If I hadn't been in God's pocket during those last few months of  Laynie's life, I couldn't have made it.  

He's asking me to crawl back in.  And to invite you to crawl back in with me. Because the peace that passeth all understanding is in there.  The loving your neighbor is in there, and the joy that comes in the morning is in there.  

The enemy is the only triumphant boaster in all of this.  He is reveling in the division.  He lives and breathes in the divide.  

We Have To Stop.  

It can't matter more than God's grace.  Because if we let it, the only winner in all of this chaos is Satan.

So don't be sore losers.  Don't be gloating winners.  No one benefits from this.  Forget  right/left....black/white.....socialism/freedom....... no one wins.  

NO ONE HAS WON if we all destroy each other in the process.  I love my friends I have had my whole life.  And some of them don't even speak to me any more.  

There aren't words for the amount of concern I have over the state of our beloved country.    

But as much concern as I carry inside of me, I HAVE to,  I MUST let my trust in God be more than my concern of this situation.  

He is for us, He is with us, in our pain and in our happiness.  

Please listen to this song and let the words wash over your spirit.  We WILL NOT  live in a spirit of fear.  We  will live in a spirit of Hope.  Of expectancy.  Of goodness and grace.   HE IS FOR YOU.  

LISTEN TO THIS

Because God is Good......All the Time.  

When God Isn't Surprised

When I was a kid, I worried a lot about the "end of time".  Growing up in a different religion, there was a lot of emphasis put on "going to hell" if you didn't follow the straight and narrow of the rules.  

Then as I've gotten older,  I understood that it wasn't fear that should make me seek Jesus, it was love.  

This past year has been something that many of us have never seen in our lifetimes.  The unrest, the uncertainty...it's just been a lot.  

I could spend this entire blog railing against what I believe is fraud that will change the course of the voting system of this country forever,  that is going on RIGHT in front of our eyes, but instead I'm going to be what Jesus would want me to be and just speak some truth.

I've been trying to read through the bible this year, and I will admit, I have been super distracted.  I hit and miss, but this week, I gave  myself a sabbatical off of my most favorite social media app, because I was starting to act like someone I have not been in a long time, and picked up the bible instead.  

This day's reading landed me in Acts 16-18.  If you're not familiar with the bible, Paul is one of the biggest writers of the new testament.  His accountings of his journeys are comprised in many of the books in the NT.  Two things that stuck out in my head and made do a double take: (and I put these in Laura language, so show me some grace here)   Paul's about to go out on his second journey to spread the gospel of Jesus.  Now you have to know, he's not a super popular fellow with the Jewish (or any, if we are being honest) leaders.  In the first example, Paul is trying to speak and a slave girl that is demon possessed keeps interrupting him and he gets so tired of it, he calls on God to cast the demon out of her.  Well this doesn't make her the money making fortune telling machine she was, so they grab Paul and take him in front of the council and tell them that he is teaching things that are against "roman views".   They beat him and throw him in jail, where he spends the night singing worship songs. In the 10 cent comic store version, God makes the gates fly open and the guard gets saved. (you really should read it for yourself though because it's good stuff)   Paul continues on... and in the next city, the Jewish leaders become so enraged they (Acts 17:5) "Jewish leaders were jealous, they gathered some worthless fellows from the streets to form a mob and start a riot."   Now that sounds vaguely familiar.  

Here is the deal.  God isn't surprised by any of this.  NOT.  ONE.  BIT.   We want to be outraged and stomp our feet and scream for justice, but remember this, God is allowing this.  

I can't tell you how long and hard I prayed, crying and pleading with God to spare Laynie.  I begged for her life to be spared every day.  I didn't want her to die.  But God took her anyway, and it wasn't about her dying that was the story, it was how she lived.  And how she changed me, and in changing me, I shared her story and changed countless others.  

And now look at what a tiny baby that never spoke a word did.  She gave me insight and perspective to be able to help me get through what we are facing.  

Perspective is the most important thing we can keep in our tool belt right now.  You have to remember every single day that God is not surprised by any of this.  This country will be in more need of prayer and believers than ever before.  We are all going to have to put on the armor of Christ and live in it.  Oh my goodness, the weight of that armor!  It's all consuming.  But it is also, the most freeing way to live.  If you don't wrap yourself in the ways of the world, and keep your eyes on the prize of Jesus Christ, the armor becomes protection, instead of a weight.  And we all need to be wrapped in it, in the world that is coming.  

I don't feel like a worthy witness, but all I know is God wakes me up early and tells me these things.  He has me seek out people to call and text message to hear the truth.  He gives me words (when I truly don't think I have them) to encourage people and to speak truth into them.    

So go out and be a light.   There is so much division and unhappiness and bitter feelings.  I suffer them constantly.  I want to rail at the injustice.  But instead I'm going to seek truth and peace and try to help others find truth and peace.  

Put it in your hearts,  God isn't surprised by any of this.    

When you are Called and Don't know Why

 All my life, I have worked non stop to avoid conflict.  I mean, I will walk 47 blocks the other way to NOT have an argument with someone.  

So imagine my surprise (and dismay) when I've been led by the Higher Spirit to share posts about my support for President Trump.  

In 2016 I voted for him because I only thought he was lesser of two evils, and all I could think was "Oh boy, here we go, this will be fun."

Man,  I was wrong.

President Trump has delivered on almost every promise he made during his campaign.  He has exposed corruption, he has lifted restrictions, he has protected America, and he has given peace to countries that haven't had peace in decades.  

He has promised, and he has delivered. 

I'm not a political person.  At all.   My oldest children cannot believe (!) and just laugh when I talk politics with them now, because it is NOTHiNG I HAVE ever, EVER talked to them about.  Didn't care.  Didn't even give it a thought.  

So don't think I'm an old hack in the political world.   NOT AT ALL

Those first months, I was very skeptical of the President, his tweets would make me cringe, and his braggart, blow hard ways super annoyed me.   Why Can't He Just Be Normal?  I would lament to friends.  

But then, lets fast forward to President Trump's second year in office, WHEN I EXPERIENCED first hand-- when all the tax relief started hitting for the single moms.  

I've NEVER and I mean NEVER ever had tax relief.  As a single mom that made ok money, I paid in at least 35-40% tax without fail.  And then at tax refund time, I would get back around 3-4% if I was really lucky.   So paying taxes and doing tax returns were always a biggggggg stress for me.  Then Trump's tax plan took effect.   I sweated out 2018, worrying if I was doing enough, did I fill out the W4 right?  I sold my house!  What about my exemptions?  How was I going to survive this?  And to my utter amazement, I got back a whopping 20% of my income in 2018, and at the advice of my accountant, held out zero taxes in 2019 and got back 12%!  It was C R A Z Y.  And such a relief, because housing and feeding and hauling and nurturing children is a LOT.  Especially alone.  So thank you President Trump.   You made that happen.  

With a kid in the military, it becomes paramount in importance to being at peace with other countries. I knew when she went in, that the likelihood of her having to be deployed was almost a certainty, but President Trump has calmed the storm.  Mainly because he's a brilliant strategist and he isn't a pushover.  The very thing that turns people off about him, makes him a beast at the negotiation table.  And Hello, anyone that think he's a joke........why is he nominated for not one, not two, not three but FOUR Nobel Peace Prizes?  How is the most "ridiculous" "overbearing" "non political" President, bringing peace to nations that others said WOULD never happen?    And making peace with so many adversaries,  This is something no one can refute. The "anonymous source" story about him calling military "suckers" and "losers".....just false.  This man revers the military.  He has done more for the military in his term than in decades.  Military veterans have good health care for the first time in I can't even recall.  He gave them all raises, and gave them new equipment, and is doing his utter best to get them ALL home from the Middle East

Everyone loves to throw his past at him and judge him by that.  Well, phew, don't look too closely at my past. Is anyone free from flaws?  I mean.....really.    I'm not asking this man to be my preacher at church, I'm not asking this man to walk the earth like Jesus..... I am asking this man to drain the swamp that Washington has become.  He has called out more main stream media, crooked politicians, he just takes absolutely no BS from anyone. WHAT OTHER KIND OF MAN could do that?  A soft talker? A career politician that talks out of both sides of his mouth? So  Does that make him a bully?   If I had to have someone standing up for me to keep me alive, to keep my family safe, to keep a wolf from my door, I  want someone that isn't  afraid to go to bat and say some pretty crazy, obnoxious things in order to protect me.  I would want someone willing to take a bullet for me, and I believe this man does that. He stands between Americans and socialism and he fights to keep us safe.  And if you don't believe that, you are kidding yourself.   And the man doesn't take one penny to do it.  He donates his salary every quarter to a different charity.  Oh my goodness I hear it already,  "Well he's a millionaire, he doesn't need it."  Listen, as much crap and lies and BS thrown at him and his family, if anyone deserves to take a paycheck for his hard work, with little or no appreciation, it's Donald Trump.   AND HE DOESN'T.  They show him signing his check over to a worthy cause, and doing it without even blinking an eye.  Only Three presidents have done that before.   Most presidents use their power to make more money.  Not this man, because he doesn't need it.  He already Has It.  And his one goal, is to make this country great again.  FOR US, for our children, for our grandchildren.

I posted what I thought was a pretty funny post on my facebook about President Trump going to have his mic turned off at the debates, and the signs I thought he should carry on stage to use as they cut off his mic  (he didn't need signs, turned out, he destroyed all on his own and just brought the house down with his solid answers and class act) HOWEVER, the COMMENTS on my post.  Whew.  The hate.  I try as hard as I can to keep it civil on my page.  I normally listen and reply with an "I love ya but boy do we disagree on this", but the hits just kept on coming.  Crazy accusations, ALL of them unfounded, just words of unhappy people, fueled by a corrupt main stream media, because let's face it,  If there were SOMETHING out there, it would have been found, and this man wouldn't be president, because I promise everything about him has been scrutinized and put under a microscope and looked at in every direction, looking for a crack, a flaw, ANYTHING to condemn him.  Nothing but bad press.   And still...... is he blameless?  Did he live a faultless life?   Uhm, No.  Have any of us?  The man is trying to clean the swamp, and swamp animals aren't the friendliest beasts.  They hiss and bite, and strike out and aim to kill.  Swamp animals don't like light, they like the dark, where they can hide and live with secrets.   President Trump brings the light.  The light isn't welcome, so the light must go.   With any lie, at any cost.    And boy, I felt the sting.   But whoa, I have some solid friends,  rushing to protect me, stand with me, take the heat and the weight of the anger and hatred.  And, by standing my truth, I lost some of my "friends".  

Anyway.  

I'm NOT a political person.  I am a PASSIONATE person.  I believe in God.  I believe in the sanctity of life.  I believe in prayer in schools, and the right to assemble in church.   I believe in owning a gun to protect your family.  I believe in strict laws to protect this people of this country.  I believe in law enforcement and the military.  I believe in love and compassion.  If you don't believe that all the things I just shared, are being taken away from you, inch by inch....you aren't paying attention.  

We, as Christians, need to be praying non stop prayers for our President and this country.  We need to put a hedge of protection around him like no other.  The enemy is working so hard in this country and feels to be winning.  WE cannot be the silent majority anymore.  God calls us to be HIS people, and HIS people need to be praying for a free country.   We have to pray without ceasing over this election and God's will.  We cannot be lax in our prayers.  This is the most critical time in history, right now.  My kids don't understand why I've gone so nuts over this.  Because I believe God called me to go nuts.  He has called on me a few times, and when I listen and be obedient, I see great things happen. 

Pray. Without. Ceasing.  

This has been weighing on me for awhile.  We have to be bold now.  We have to stand up for what is good and what is right and what is necessary.  We have to be Bold like never before. 

Believe me, I know I'm going to take some heat for this.  I will hear "Plenty" when I share it.  

But I trust in Him.  He showed me his goodness and mercy through a tiny baby that He is Good, and He alone is our Portion.  Let's never forget.  Pray a hedge of protection around our President.  

God is Good, Through all of the Storm,  All The time.  

It was the Best of Times, It was the Worst of Times

2020 has been gnarly.

Hallie came home three days for spring break and ended up getting to stay home almost 4 1/2 months.  What an unexpected gift.  The gift of slowing down and being back together again.

It was crazy it took a pandemic to do that.  As the cases are soaring, and everyone's anxiety level is creeping up,  I just want to bring you into my little bit of crazy that has happened at my house. 

I try to be transparent now, as a time in my life, I hid my whole life from everyone and made some pretty messed up choices.  Good things came out of those messed up choices, so I don't regret the decision.....but now I choose to live transparent.  Everyday.

When Kip was just a year old, and I had breastfed her for almost the whole year, I found myself woefully "unendowed" at the end of the breastfeeding journey.  Back in 1989, Pamela Lee Anderson was running down the beach, all endowed and beautiful, and several of my friends were getting implants, and made it seem like a "no big deal- high reward" type deal.  A co-worker had them put in on Friday and was back to work on Monday like "look at me", so I jumped on the bandwagon.  In 1989, in Norman I had a plastic surgeon put two polyurethane silicone breast implants into my body and finally had boobs for the first time in my life. 

I even remember when the doctor talked about them, he said "In 30 years you will probably have to have them replaced" and I foolishly said, (and I remember this)  "I will deal with it when I'm 59".  How damn dumb.   I mean.  I could say a LOT to my 29 year old self these days, for sure.  And I'm pretty sure I would't listen any better to my 59 year old self than I did to anyone else, but for the love. 

I was one of the lucky ones.  A girlfriend that had them put in same time as me, had to have her implants removed within two years, due to immediately showing signs of lupus and rheumatoid arthritis.   Didn't even faze me.  Didn't even make me think about it... I wasn't having problems, why should that affect me in any way? 

Fast forward to 2011.  My doctor has long been out of the picture and I've ran in and out of another plastic surgeons office every 5 years or so for my "followup" and this time, I'm starting to have joint pain.  I ask the PS about removing them and just being a tiny chest for the rest of my life, and he told me "I wouldn't ever deform you in that way.  the only way I take them out, if is I put them right back in".  So, dream squashed. 

Over the next few years, I start having health issues, nothing anything any doctor can tie to, just random, odd things.   I don't connect the dots...... at all. 

Then this past March, a friend posts on facebook for prayers and me being the nosy nelly that I am, private messages her and asks whats happening.   She tells me she has BII (Breast Implant Illness) and is going in to get her implants removed and can hardly wait.   I can hardly believe what I am hearing because a) I've been in denial for so long  b) a PS will actually TAKE THEM OUT?  She sends me tons of information and puts me on a facebook page, and lo and behold after two solid hours on this page and reading hundreds of posts from ladies experiencing EVERy SINGLE WEIRDO symptom that I have struggled with for the last 8 years.....I just cry. 

I didn't think I was ever going to feel good again.  I just figured this was how life turns out and I was old and that we just had to live with what we were given. 

I make an appointment with her doctor and go in for a consultation, and the weirdest thing is, I never have money.  I mean...I have a zillion kids and they are all at home right now and eating their weight in food and drink daily, so money isn't high on my list of things I have.  Right before I go to see this doctor, two very important things happened....and I had EXACTLY the amount of money I needed to have to have this surgery done.   THE   EXACT    AMOUNT

God  is Good. 

I had heard it would take months for him to get me on his schedule because of the enormous amount of women flocking to his office now, seeking relief, and to my utter amazement (except not really, God was so involved) he had time for me 3 weeks after my initial consult.  I scheduled my surgery and went home to wait.  I prayed over all the kids daily to keep Covid at bay.  Hallie is still at home, and I'm praying she can stay and help me recuperate, but last minute changes have her heading out the day before I am to go.   Then Jackson comes down with Hand Foot and Mouth (An entire other blog in itself) so now Lacey is going to be unable to go with me to the surgery.   Because I have an incredible village, my friend Kim Daniels hears what is going on and just volunteers on the spot to be my wingman.  I encourage her to remember that even on my best of sober days, I can embarrass all of us in a single leap, and under anesthesia, all bets are off, and this still doesn't deter her in any way. She grabs me from my house, drives me to the hospital, keeps me entertained with her stories and before I know it, the doc has me standing in front of him, writing all over me with sharpies, and I'm being wheeled into the operating room.  One of the nurses leaned over and grabbed my hand and said, "I had mine out 8 years ago, and it was the best decision of my life".   I count backwards and then wake up in the recovery room where I scream about body parts feeling on fire and throw up in a bag without ceasing.  Found out the dinosaurs in my body, the right one had ruptured.   Kim had decided mid scream she would probably need to stay and help the vietnamese with their loopy mom, and seriously, don't know what I would have done without her.  She was the best thing in the world.  I was one sick mamba jamba.  Took 12 1/2 hours for the best part of the anesthesia to wear off, and I was throwing up most of that.  Terrible headache, but upside, no incision pain at all.  No pain meds, period. 

Another moment to be noted, my neck can get in a twisted mess in a hurry and make me sick too, so my masseuse loaded up his chair and drove to Shawnee and worked my neck out for me.  Such  Good.  People. 

Found out Friday that Gina had been directly exposed to Covid-19, so we all quarantined in our rooms over the weekend.  Due to that fact, Hallie was sent home on Saturday for another week.  We waited until this morning and Gina and Hallie both went to get tested, and their rapid tests came back negative.  PRAISE GOD.  Hallie had the antibody test ran as well, so we will know tomorrow those results. 

So, now she is here to help me navigate the drains coming out my body (Thank the Lord, she loves that kind of stuff, me? Not so much) and hopefully after my one week check in tomorrow, the doctor will see I am doing so great he will let me come in by the end of the week and get rid of these pesky, gross me out, drains.

So, why am I sharing all of this?  Because I know you ALL know someone that has implants.  In the late 80's through now, soooooooo many women think this is something that isn't GOING TO AFFECT Them at ALL and I'm here to tell you....IT IS.

Breast Implant Illness is real and alive and kicking.  I was so relieved to read the symptoms and realize I wasn't going crazy. 

I feel good.  I haven't had pain meds since the hospital scream LOL, I'm controlling with tylenol.  Things I noticed right away was all the neuropathy in my feet and hands that I feel at night is gone.  G O N E.   After my initial neck pain (that my masseuse helped with), even propped up in a horrendous position, my neck pain is decreased.  I expect more things to resolve and I am so thankful that FINALLY a plastic surgeon said These Things are making women sick, and I will take them out of their bodies and not require them to put them back in. 

SO THANKFUL.   It's not all in your head....it's in your chest, and it's making you sick. 

Friends don't let friends get breast implants. 

They just don't.