Awards and Accolades

Last night at Hal's volleyball banquet, I was expecting $10 food, and some fun company in the form of the other parentals that I adore on this team.

Not expecting awards (she's a freshman on a Soph/Jr/Senior dominate team).

I had hoped that her JV coach would at least acknowledge her, but no.  Nada.

So when the Varsity coach got up there, I was half listening, because I didn't think there would be any way, being the last kid pulled up, etc.

Well.... didn't know there was a Most Improved Player.

The coach's speech about her went a little like this....

"At the first of the season, I knew she was a great possibility.  I watched her grow all season, as a player, and keep everyone entertained as a goofball.  We never knew what would happen when she went out on the court.  We knew she had the capability of smashing it in their faces,  when she hit, there was nothing the other team could do. Then, other times, she'd hit, and we'd all think to ourselves, "Well that just happened.  Good job, girl, keep swinging."  (LOL)  But, then, we had to do a tournament without her, and her presence was missed, both her playing and her ability to keep us smiling.  That is why the most improved player award goes to..... Hallie Hembree."

 She also commented several times about her goofiness, with the disclaimer that she loved her, despite the goofiness, and overall paid her a great compliment.

I was very proud.  I was also proud of her friends, Rachel Maddy, who got Best Defensive Player on the Freshman Team.  And Abbey Woodrow received MVP for JV, and earlier in the year, when Hallie's club coach from last year (who received her as a brand new, freshly hatched player and taught her to block) watched Hallie and Abbey play together (Hallie as the middle and Abbey as the setter), and told me, after finding out Abbey was a freshman, too "By the time they are seniors, they will be unstoppable, what a pair".  Very exciting stuff.

I'm very proud of Hallie.  She has tackled volleyball with a laser focus, and it has really paid off for her.  I am thrilled to death to watch her move on to Club Volleyball in the next couple of months, and really continue to grow and learn more and more.   She's finally settled on a club that she wants to play for, the coach is amazing and the girls are all a tight knit group that have a laser focus similar to Hal's, so it should be a ton of fun this year.  Lots of driving, lots of tournaments, LOTS of fingernail biting fun.   And tons of pictures and blogs I'm sure. 

Funeral Seller

I have a weird job. 

A good weird, but weird, none the less.

And I LOVE it. 

I've done this weird job for several years now, with a 4 year hiatus, right smack dab in the middle of it. 

But now that I'm back, I'm home.  I enjoy the horse pucky out of it.  And that's a lot. 

I'm a funeral seller. 

Yep.  I sell funerals. 

There are many names for this.  Prearrangement specialist, family service, preneed counselor, arrangement advisor, sales counselor, you name it, we have been called it.

Bottom line.... I sell funerals to people. 

Because it's the only thing in the world that for certain is going to happen to you. 

You.  Are.  Going.  To.  Die.   Wheeeeeee.......doesn't that sound like a fun job!!?!?!?!?!?!

When I first got into it, Lacey and Kip were still fairly young, and it was very disconcerting for them to tell people what I do.... I always kidded they would rather tell their friends I was a dancer than a funeral salesman.   But in truth, Kip was always freaked out.  Especially after she visited Baggerly South Funeral Home with me back in the day, and being the curious little being she was, as she toured the facility on her own, she came running into my office, with a pale little face, and informed me, "there is a dead lady in parlor A".    Well, uhm,  Yes, Kip, dead people are usually in our parlors.  That's what they are there for.   And another time, I can't remember if it was Hallie or Kip, but they were up at the funeral home with me, and we had 2 people there, and one was overloaded with flowers, just all in the hall and the room was overflowing, massive flowers, and the other person had died with no family, so no flowers.  It almost broke my tenderhearted child in two, "Can we please put some flowers into her room, she needs flowers too mom".  Sigh. 

Then there is Lacey, who also worked at the cemetery with me for a few years and referred to the mausoleum, the place of eternal rest as the "Dead Barn". 

Yes, we are a peculiar family of oddities. 

Here's the dealio....I have three types of customers.  The Prepared, The Ostrich, and The Idiot. 

The Prepared is the person whose #1 concern is their family.  They don't want them to have to be out a dime, or have to make one decision on their behalf.  They sit with me and figure out what is needed, they pay for their casket and services (either at once, or over time insured) and not one thing is left to the kids to have to either come up with money for, or agonize over, in making decisions.  I love these people.  This is the reason I exist.  Everyone knows my dad died at 60 years of age.  Suddenly, without warning.  That was the worst day of our lives.  I should say worst week of our lives.  Making all those expensive decisions, and in a hurry and fog of grief.   Ugh.  That is no way to plan a funeral.  I don't blame my dad, he was young.  He had lots of time.  Don't make that mistake, if you love your family, talk to me about how you protect them.

The Ostrich is the person that knows that death is going to happen, but as long as they don't talk about it, it won't happen.  This is tough.  Most men are curled in the fetal position, unwilling to talk about losing their spouses.  Most children, when approached by their parents, wanting to take care of this for their kids, their kids going nuts and unwilling to talk to them about it, by NOT talking about it, it won't happen.  Ostriches wear me thin.  Not out, but thin. 

Because last but not least are the idiots.  These are the people that say stuff like,  "I will let my kids deal with it."  "It won't happen to me"   "I'll donate my body to science"   "Just throw me in a pine box and call it a day"  (At least the pine box people have given it some thought, so they might fall in the ostrich category). Seriously, these people wear me out.   Because at the end of the day, NOTHING is taken care of.

And I can tell by the way the family enters the funeral home, if their plans are prearranged.  There is a calm that permeates people that are prepared, and it is powerfully awesome.  The ones that come in with no idea how they are going to pay for it, how much it's going to cost, where they are going to go to bury mom or dad, or even what to dress them in....that's a sad appointment.  That was us, taking care of my dad.  And what's lucky, was we had the money to pay for it, but my frugal dad would have flipped over at our price tag. 

So, take the time and visit with me.  Let me educate you on funerals.  My catchphrase is "I put the FUN in FUNeral."   Buying a funeral is a smart choice.  YES, life insurance is a great thing.  I'm not dissing life insurance in any way, shape or form, but I've never seen a life insurance policy walk into a funeral home and pick out a casket.  That's the hard part.  I have a paid for funeral AND life insurance, because my family deserves that.  But they will buy me flowers.  That's the only thing I didn't pay for, cause they better cough up some cash and buy me some carnations. 

The best love letter you can give your family is the peace of prearrangement.  Pick it out, pay for it and give your family the best gift you can give them for this christmas and every christmas from now on,  Peace of mind.   It's only a phone call away.  Ask your parents if they have prearranged their funerals yet.  If they haven't, call me.  After I get them taken care of, it's your turn. 

Call me.  You will be glad you did. 

Prayer Warriors Needed

Life is so unpredictable. 

This whole week has been a celebration of high proportions.  Lacey marrying her soulmate equal, Hallie finishing the season, the Lovelies making breakthroughs in their healing. 

Everything so wonderful.

Then out of the blue, the hits start coming. 

A very dear friend of mine, has been diagnosed with ALS, or Lou Gehrig's disease.  This terrible disease is a landmine of wastefulness.  I've watched several acquaintances succumb to this very quick, lethal sentence. 

This gentle man, who laughs at ALL my jokes, good, bad or ugly is going to die.  Not in his sleep at a very old age, but sadly, much sooner than any of us expected.

He loves his grandkids.  He loves his motorcycle.  But mainly, and most importantly, he loves the Lord.  and I know without a shadow of a doubt that he will be in heaven, and met by his little bald headed friend, the minute the Lord takes him home.

So I need all of my prayer warriors to pray for this family.  Pray for the kids, Jessi and her family, and Russ and his family, as they struggle to make sense of all of this. 

I believe in the goodness and the power of God.  I believe that we have earthly struggles and disappointments and sadness, to learn to depend on Him.  I believe that when we are rooted so deeply in our Lord's promise, that nothing this world can throw on us can shake us.  There is unfairness in many things of this life, but God didn't promise perfection, He promised He would never leave our side when the bad things happened.  And He never does.  The only way to get through trials is to NOT lean on your own understanding, and let Him carry you through the days.  Some days are only one second at a time.  You get through the day one second at a time.  Breathing prayers of pain, of sorrow, of uncertainty.  God gets it.  He knows our sorrow, and he knows our pain.  He only asks us to trust Him with it and bring it to him. 

So I'm asking my warriors to stand with me, and pray for peace for this precious family.  To give them strength only HE can give, in the days and months ahead, and for Robert to find peace that passeth understanding as he journeys on. 

Even in the hardest of times, God is good. 

Surprises

I am seriously the world's worst secret keeper.  I develop tourette's syndrome when keeping a secret and blurt things out to random strangers.

It's really a trial.

Lacey and Tyler decided to get married October 4.  When the planning first started it was going to be a small, "them and the preacher and their witnesses" event.

Then two weeks ago, Lacey decided she needed her people there, and was talking to me about Skyping  Kip in at the chapel, and surely to goodness they had WIFI there.  I could hold the Ipad and Kip could watch.

Well.

One quick call to her daddy and a plane ticket later, we all had a little secret to keep.

For. Two. Weeks.

We all decided that it was best not to tell Gram or Grandma, because they might inadvertently blurt it out, not meaning to.

Trust me, though, I am the WORST.  I ended up telling Hallie because my eye was beginning to twitch, and I had to tell someone.   I went in to find Lacey at her work one day, and ended up blurting it out to Linzy Hall, her co-worker and partner in crime, who cried in her office and reinforced it to me that Lacey could NOT know.

Oh, The. Pressure.

So I avoided.  I didn't talk to my mom, I barely talked to Lacey and I tried to put it out of my mind.  Except for then, at a volleyball game, as my brain, constantly on alert to NOT divulge any secrets to people, let one of my friends, Laurie Miller, in on the fact she was getting married  (Wanting to keep that a secret as well) says to me,  "Oh, is she having a shower????".... gets me to thinking, I have enough secrets I'm trying to keep, let's throw another one in for good measure, and MAKE IT A DOOZY.

So I planned a shower.  A surprise Shower.  And if it hadn't been for Donna Brewer Gibson, and the swell folks at Havenbrook letting me use their beautiful and handy as a pocket on a shirt, event center, I would have NEVER pulled that one off.

But first things first.  Kip getting here.  She called me the night before (Thursday) and wailed to me, "I just lied to my sister for an HOUR!  She skyped me and wanted to talk strategy and wedding details and I just lied and lied".  That's tough for my straight as an arrow Kipster.  I told her it was ok, I hadn't spoken to mom in 2 weeks.  (Later my mom tells me, "I thought you were mad at me") So, here you go.

Then as I raced back to Norman to get the kids and head back to Edmond with them, my mom, and cousin Mike (who snuck up for the big event), my girl had her sisters in tow.  It was pretty awesome.

Then we did this.  And all of us cried.

Especially LB, sitting by me.  I looked over at him, and tears were streaming down his face, and I hugged him and he said, "I so emotional. This so beautiful".  And he was right.

You pray and pray that your children have a great life.  And pray and pray that their choices are wise.  I knew without a shadow of a doubt that my Lacey will have a great life, and made a wise choice as I watched this gentle man with a servant's heart commit his life to hers.  It was so beautiful.

That was Friday night.

Saturday was a whirlwind of preparation, because, of COURSE, I waited until the very last second to make the final food purchases for the shower.

Because that's the way I roll.

One thing for certain.  In a pinch, Walmart will NEVER let you down.  Told them to put the happy couple's name on the cake.  No Congratulations or Best Wishes....because I've seen what happens when people try to spell congradulashuns.  Just their names.  That's all i wanted.  Was that too much to ask??

 

We are so lucky.  Even redneck spelling on the cake would only happen to us.   

And it, like everything else that happened over the weekend, Was Perfection.  

Great Shower, Great Wedding, Great friends, great memories.  

Congradulashuns Mister and Misses Holt, I wish you nothing but joy and love your whole lives.  

Talking to a wall

This was a tough, tough day.

Today was the day that all parties involved in this foster case sat down with the biological parents and let them know that their rights were going to be terminated.

Can you even imagine?

You look at your kids, and even though they drive you to the point of insanity at least one time during each and every day, you can never imagine them being anywhere except with you.  (and the days they drive you to drink at least 6 times, you wish they were on a slow boat to somewhere...just sayin)..

But today, these parents had to come to terms with the fact that they will never change, and their denial and unwillingness to see the problem, well...it cost them their babies.

Or it will...once they drag all of us through court and spend resources of the state to tell them they will never get their kids back.

Back in November 2012, back when all this transpired, I felt empathy for the mom.  I viewed her as a victim of domestic abuse, and a backwards culture.  Today as I watched her transform from screaming maniac to sobbing victim, to angry outraged citizen, to screaming maniac, I felt any compassion flee.

These children will never be safe in this house.  If these parents act like this in front of people that are trying to help them build a plan, how do they treat them when they are alone with them?

I leaned over to the kid's attorney as DHS was "trying to do the right thing" and demand that the 3 year old continue visits with mom.  I have already blown a gasket that he has to continue seeing her because it's just a crap shoot when it's happening and a volcano blowout of disaster the days following it.  Anyway, I leaned over to the attorney and I said,  "DHS wants to make the poor 3 year old, who has NO VOICE, continue visits with THIS????"  He looked me square in the face, shook his head, stood to his feet and bellowed, "ENOUGH.  I am through listening to 4 years of this couple's excuses.  I am through.  If DHS continues to force visits on the 3 year old, you are continuing the cycle of abuse, and I will fight tooth and nail at court to get it stopped.  Enough is enough".  and he stomped out.

Well, I almost stood up and clapped.  That set dad off into another PLANET.  Then he attacked me, and blamed the whole situation of his kids not wanting to see him on me.  Said I had influenced them to not love him, I wouldn't let them communicate with their parents, and they had been influenced by me.

I wanted to stand up and shout, "ENOUGH".  But instead, I looked him square in the kisser and looked at the other 12 people in the room and said,  "I am leaving.  I fear to leave the same time as them, because I do NOT want him following me home.  You hold them here at least 20 minutes and let me get out of the area."  and with that, I left.

Bottom line.  Visits are over.  Kids are no longer forced to see parents.  On court, the kids attorney will push forward with termination.  The parents are never going to willingly agree, so we are looking at a long court battle, in which the kids will have to testify.

It's a nightmare.  I just got in my car and bawled my way out of the parking lot.  How lives get so messed up and out of control, how innocent lives are trampled, how out of control I feel in all of this.

The only guiding voice is the one from on high, who says to me,  "Peace, be still."  And that is enough. 

Hal's big week

I want to get this down in writing while it is still fresh.

WHAT. A. WEEK. for. HALLIE.

First off, she turned 15. 

How can that be possible when just yesterday she was this size?  Of course she was a newborn in this picture, and started out giant, but that's besides the point.  (actually she is about 9 months old here) (also, her head is not as big as mine, it's the angle of the camera)  (or what we tell people).

 

So, the kid turned 15.  She had a fun birthday party with hotdogs, water balloons, and friends.  All in all, a great day.

 Her sister's really love her, in spite of the fact that she has totally outgrown them.  She may be much taller than them, but she will forever be their "Baby". 

Then, when she had been officially 15 for one day, she was pulled up to Varsity, due to another girl getting hurt.   She was so stoked, she may or may not have slept in her varsity jersey.

I find it very ironic that her number happens to be 15.  We didn't even plan that. 

So, fast forward to the next day.  Game against Stillwater.  Something happens to JV, and they just TANK.  Haven't been beaten but one time all year and just stink up the floor.  

Then I'm wondering if Hallie will get to suit up and play, because of her team's super bad showing.  Never fear, they need the tall 9th grader. 

So, she suits up, gets introduced in the Varsity game, and goes and sits on the bench.  For. one. whole. match. 

Varsity gets smeared by Stillwater.  25-16.  One match down.

Coach Kane decides that working just her regular rotation isn't going to work.  She puts Hallie in.

If I could describe what Hallie looked like in that exact moment, it would be sheer, utter, panic. Everything she had learned about volleyball was gone.   

She looked like a deer in headlights, maybe even a blind grandma.  Just clueless and hilarious.

My brother put it the best way I can think.   He said, over his shoulder to me,  "When she quits crapping her pants, she'll do good.  Right now, all she is doing is crapping her pants."

Succinct, grody, and correct.  Playing with varsity, after playing volleyball for only one year.  Pretty surreal for a newbie.  Crapping her pants. 

For one whole match, she ran in a circle  (Playing a different position, she has always been the middle and now, for varsity, she is playing right side) and just tried to stay out of the way.  They lost 25-19.

But the difference in this game, compared to her JV games of the past, all the girls on the team encouraged her, and patted her back, and yelled at her to get in her spot (in a nice way, not the normal mean JV way), and coming out at Match 3, when my brother said, "Well, I have to go, this game is over"...everything on her team hit solid gold.

Hallie overcame her nerves, and just did what she does.  And beside the senior middle, McKayla Benner (who is Hallie's ABSOLUTE HERO) they were twin towers of doom.  NOTHING got by them.  Hallie got the perfect set and had a KILL shot for her very first point in Varsity. 

It. was. Spectacular. 

All the bench went crazy.  The freshmen girls watching went crazy.  JV just sat there sucking their thumbs, playing with their hair.  (ok, that might have been mean, but hey, what goes around comes around).

Coach Kane smiled her first smile of the very intense night.  And her JV coach Rene Crockett, who has worked HOURS with Hallie teaching her to hit and getting her fundamentals lined out, couldn't stop laughing and smiling.   It. was. awesome.

And they came back and won the third match 25-23.  All the sudden, Varsity was having fun.  All because of a Goofy, goofy 9th grader. 

Fourth set, Bubba isn't moving, "I have to watch this".  Norman North wins, 25-23.  NOTHING is getting past the twin towers and Senior Kate Lefler has turned on the Serving arm and is killing every serve.   The Stillwater coach (whom we love and know from Club) is getting antsy and has stopped smiling. 

Fifth and final set, with our butts totally numb, and our hearts racing, we move into the final 15 points of the game.  Even my mom (who is usually OVER it by end of match 2, and is into her 10th match of the evening!), is whistling and stomping her foot.  Bubba hasn't moved. 

Everything is magic,  Hallie continues to stay calm, and do her thang, and Norman North wins 15-11. and takes the game for the most exciting, ridiculous, "I may take up drinking" win I have ever witnessed, and hope to never have to witness again in my life. 

It. Was. Magic. 

Bubba said it best on the way to our cars when it was all over,  "I wouldn't have missed this for the world". 

Yep.  One of the moments that stays with you a lifetime.  God is Good. 

 

NOW What I think of it all

You know.  There is NOTHING, I repeat, NOTHING more painful than to watch your child hurt.

NOTHING.

I get ugly and confrontational and want to tear things up, and punch throats and fix stuff when my kids have a problem.  It's just the militant mama bear in me.

So, you can only imagine how out of control I have felt about Lacey.

Laynie and the beauty and pain in all of that.  Then the ultimate end of her marriage.  Watching her courageously move on, cautiously working her way through the pain and wonderment of the loss that she had so hugely suffered.

When her ridiculous sister, Kip, finally hounded her enough to quit being a cat lady and step out on faith, I was more than pleased.  She had successfully managed to work herself through grad school and come out of that top of her class.  She got her thesis published, she had every single duck in a row.

All but, the "I love you til death do us part" thing.

I wanted that the most for her that I have ever wanted anything in my life.

So, when I got a text from my niece saying she had Lacey a husband, I thought,  "Sure".

And when the second text from her said that in thanks for sending him to us, she required a "shout out at the wedding", I was very intrigued.

My usually calm and collected about everything in life daughter was a maniac that first date day.  I had to talk her off the ledge at least 3 times.  It was AWESOME.

(Unfortunately, I think she has some of my socially awkward dating genes, but it worked out for her, so praiseallejuah).

Anyhow, the first date.  My phone rang, and my ears were bleeding in about 2.5 seconds.  I have never heard this girl so lit up about anything.

Made my heart just zing out of my chest.

"I want to meet him".

Silence.  More Silence.

"Lacey, I want to meet this hunka hunka burning love".    "Mom, that's maybe why i DON"T want you to meet him".

Fast forward to Saturday at Lacey's house.  (2 days later).  I'm there with the lovelies and he shows up.  It's like I have known him all my life.  Lacey is needing to leave to go to a pre-booked concert with friends, and I have just had about 2 hours with this new hunk, and I wasn't ready to let him go.  I invite him to church with the kids and me.. no Lacey.   Most guys would come up with a million excuses on where and why they have to be somewhere else, but not Tyler.

"You Bet".    SAY WHAT?   Off he goes to OKC campus with us, and continues to hang with us AFTER church and go eat with us.  By this time, I am lock, stock and barrel sold into him.  I watch him with the kids and with Hallie and he is just so natural and funny and LOUD and fits right in.

He came to Hallie's beach volleyball tournament with Lacey and actually CARRIED my cooler for me (What? I don't haul 14,000 things by myself?) and he has a fan for life.  He was actually LOUDER than me yelling for Hallie, and for that I am eternally grateful.

The day all the "engaging" went down, I got a text from a number (Lacey hadn't given me his number, didn't have any faith in me to not run him off....what is that??) that asked me Hallie's number.  I gave it out without thinking, and then said, "Wait, who is this?"  to which a text replied, "It's a crazy stalker that has been taking pics of your daughter and wants to cyber stalk her"...followed with,   "IT's Tyler, you dork". 

Went on to send me this picture. 

And ask me permission to enter "Phase two" of his plan.  How thrilled he was to have the bonus of us as his family.

Whatever.  We are the lucky ones.

Tyler, welcome to our family.  We love having you and are so thrilled you are a member forever.  You're a goofball, you love Jesus so much, and you love my daughter, and that's all I will ever want from you.

Except for the occasional toilet fixes and garage door tweaks.  You're a keeper, Tyler.  We are blessed.

P.S.  Good job, Linds.  You have mad matchmaking skills.