Ciao, Italy!

Sping break was so amazing this year.  I left all the children on the ranch and flew to New York (barely!) to meet Hallie and the volleyball team and headed to ITALY!

It didn't seem real the whole time.  I felt like I was seriously in a movie.  Just amazing, amazing, amazing.   Everyone in the world should put this on their bucket list of things to do.  I wish I had had two more days to explore the Amalfi Coast, so I could have seen ALL of high points of Italy while we were there, but mercy.....we saw a Lot.

We flew into Amsterdam, and tried our best to sleep on the ground or on a bench, but it was not to be done.  I even had upgraded to "Comfort Level" seats, which is one tiny step above the "steerage" section in the back and even teased the girls during the flight on how "The cheap seats" were doing.  It was NOT my top 5 fun most favorite things I ever done.   For one.. I can't sleep on a plane.  Even in "Comfort plus" it was brutal.   I watched movies and tv shows for the 9 hours going over, getting up to go pee and walk around 2 or three times just because it was miserable.

It even occurred to me as I looked around and everyone else appeared to be asleep on the flight, and that made me even madder.   HOW DO THEY DO THAT?

Everyone advised me to stay AWAKE once we got there, so my BODY CLOCK would set. 

Sure.

My body clock is iffy at best, and it wasn't having it.

I finally gave in and took a tiny nap at the hotel, while the girls were practicing, and then jumped in the thermal pool when they got home and it was seriously heaven on earth.   It felt like the best bathtub on the planet, and I LOVED IT. 

Italy doesn't have ice cubes.   You need to not ask either, or they look at you like you insulted their mother.  They charge for Water.  They all smoke like cancer isn't real.  They are skinny.  Very Very Skinny.   I didn't see one overweight person the entire time I was there.  It's crazy.

The architecture is to die for.  I'm sure Kip went there and walked around in massive glory all the time because there is far too much to take in.

We started in Venice, in our sight seeing, and it was just too much.  The narrow streets (paths, if you will) the ancient feel, the water, the shops, the magnificence of the place just consumed me.

I couldn't ever understand the concept of a city "on water" until I got there.  It is just something.   Yes, some people would think it's "Dirty" and "Old" but it charmed me.  Through and through.  Just an amazing place.  And the food?  Shut  Up.   So delicious.  Best food I had on the entire trip.

It was so cool how they had a public thoroughfare by water, or tiny streets behind the buildings.

Tiny Streets.

I'm guessing homes through here. Yellow street signs helped us find our way (sure)

Yes, we had to duck to get through many of them.  

"Hey this seems like a great place for a "portrait opp"!"

Both of them took turns taking pics of each other.  

Just gorgeous.  The view and the girl. 

Sydney Morris (A junior (cow, if you will) from San Antonio) and Hallie

The GONDOLA

SO COOL

The boat was a bit tawdry, but when in Venice.......

Yum, gelato.  We could have MANY of these pics. 

Delicious food, gorgeous view, perfect weather.  We LOVED Venice. 

Next stop was the Base in Vincenza.  The girls listened to a briefing about the base and asked questions.  There were several West Point alums stationed there so that was a fun time.

 A few of the girls played around in their gym.  

 Team Pic

Gorgeous view.  Hallie's thinking this wouldn't be a bad place to be based!

After the tour, we  jumped on the bus (where we almost suffocated it was so hot!) 4 hours north to Milan.  Hallie got sick on this trip and ended up with a fever and chills and all the fun of a 24 hour bug.   We took the street car  into Milan to take a picture of the church and just walk around, but she only made it about an hour or so before we had to head back to the hotel.

 The birds greeted us outside the cathedral.  Faces were priceless

 Cathedral Duomo di Milano

 Kara, Syd and Hallie

 Hallie and the birds

 the gorgeous mall

The streetcars were really neat. 

 Though I would have loved to have explored it some more, I'm not going to lie that it was pretty nice to let her sleep and I enjoyed catching up on Bewitched and Texas Walker Ranger on the telly.   I snuck to a mcdonalds that evening and got us some "good american food" and all it did was make her stomach hurt worse.  We were at the tail end (no pun intended) of the sickness at this point though, and after about an 18 hour of sleep day for Cadet Hembree, she was ready to jump on the bus and head to Pisa.

Pisa has a leaning tower, and a church.   And turns out, some pretty stellar gelato, but that's about it.  So we all stood around and took 100's of pictures of us holding the tower, kicking the tower, licking the tower, poking the tower, then hit the bus for Lucca. 

 This might be my fav.

 Not too great of lighting on this one

 Cracked me up....the trainer and one of the staff

 Syd and Hal  "Portrait"

 It took me ONE time.  (Pro)

 Angle is everything.

I didn't mind eating the gelato out of the cone for the picture.  :)

Lucca is one of the remaining cities in Italy that is completely walled in.  Hallie decided when the world hits the zombie apocalypse, we should all move there.  Sounds like a solid plan to me.  The trees were blooming, and the little shops so charming, BUT NO RESTAURANTS open after 2 pm.  Totally punked us.  I was ready for a big ole bowl of spaghetti after using all that energy to poke that tower, and every one was closed for "Siesta".   Oh, Ok.  Grrrrrr.   We took 100 "portraits" and headed back to the bus.

 You can see the wall behind the fountain.  It ran all the way around the town

 I don't know why I thought it would be a good idea to look homeless.

Gorgeous little town.  Streets much wider

LUCCA

Everything is BIGGER in Italy.

We arrived at a quaint little B n B in Tuscany  and this was the place that I decided I was so tired of my hair looking like a homeless person, I was going to use my own hair dryer.  I brought my own converter so I could use my curling iron and charge my phone...why shouldn't my blow dryer work???   Plugged it in, turned it on, and I'm not lying here, fire shot out the end of it.   That's one way to get it dry in a hurry.   SMELLED up the whole room.  Clearly too powerful for the Italian outlets rigged with converters.  For.  the.  love. 

Headed my homeless self to the bus to make our way to Rome, and 5 hours later, we were there.  The bus was ALMOST as fun as the airplane ride.   ALMOST.   And this bus driver thought that since we had complained about the HEAT BEING on the day before, he would SHOW US, and blasted air conditioning so cold, everything in our bags was used to wear.  HE SHOWED US, HE DID.

But ROME!   The Colosseum, the Trevi fountain, Vatican City, Spanish steps.  The shops, the streets, the gelato, the pigeons.  The cobble streets.

Trevi Fountain (throw a coin over your shoulder for good luck)

You are just walking along a street and BOOM, there's the pantheon.   WHAT?

You know.  I've been to Vegas.   I LOVE the forum in Caesar's Palace.  First thing I thought (I swear it) was   DANG, these guys copied Vegas.  And then I rolled my eyes at myself and remembered it was THOUSANDS of YEARS OLD and chuckled and went on.

 The lighting was just extraordinary the first night we were there.  Just gorgeous

The next day we visited the Pope.  Vatican City was crammed.   It would have behooved us to grab a map so we could know what we were doing IN THE CITY. You know, I'm a NON DENOMINATIONAL CHRISTIAN FELLOW.  I'm not privvy to all things Catholic.  So I was under the impression it was a museum, and St Peter's Basilica was outside somewhere.   We rolled through the Sistine Chapel like we were from Oklahoma or something   (DANG ALL THESE PEOPLE and Hallie's  "This room creeps me out").  Everyone else talking in hushed whispers how amazing it was and we were like,  "OH THE SISTINE CHAPEL, YEAH".   One of the girls mistakenly called it the "sixteenth chapel" and honestly it kind of felt like that to me too.   Oh Michelangelo drew all over the walls, and it's like one of the seven wonders of the world, and one of the most magnificent masterpieces of ALL TIME?  We rolled through it, seeking gelato.   Hi, we're from Oklahoma, ya'll.  Those guys in that painting needs pants.

 Absolutely astounding architecture

 This ruins me for the rest of my life admiring buildings and artwork. Nothing will ever compare

Ana, Hal, Hannah and Courtney in the Hall (WOW)

There were just massive amounts of these weird little objects and a baby hugging a duck and why are they all naked?  So many questions....

 They had hundreds of chairs set up for the next morning for the Pope (or whoever) to deliver the  message.  I heard someone say that people start lining up outside the walls at 4 am to get a seat.  That is massive dedication.

Gorgeous girls, gorgeous view

Hal's illegal picture of the Sixteenth Chapel.  I still don't get it.  ?

I thought this was more beautiful than the above.  What is wrong with me?

I feel you Shaking your heads.   Hi, We are Okies!

Then just like that, the vacation I have been looking forward to for 6 months was OVER.

The flight back seemed better.  I prefer a 21 hour day that stays light all day.   I didn't sleep a lick on that plane either, and watched practically every show on the screen.  I'm seriously a first class world traveler as you can tell.  It's 4 days back and I'm still asleep by 8 pm and up at 4.   Hopefully by the time I travel again I will get it lined out.   My daughter and her friends are dolls, and I seriously had the best time laughing at them and walking 7 miles a day  (Yeah, that really happened).

A trip of a lifetime.

Oh I forgot about going to Verona and seeing the balcony that Romeo professed his love for Juliet.  Folklore has it that if you touch the right boob of the statue of Juliet it will bring you luck.  I didn't feel anything except extreme discomfort that I was feeling up a statue.  We'll see.  I felt pretty lucky just being there so that may be the luck that I got.

Save up your money and swing yourselves over to Italy.   It's worth every penny.

Praise God from whom all BLESSINGS flow

I am just going to take a minute and recap the immense blessings that have rocked our world almost non-stop since I said YES to God's plan.....after saying NO for almost a year.

OK.  

All the things.

First off, I guess it started with Gina winning queen at homecoming.  I mean.  For the love.

Then, and I am going to throw in all the things.... I think back when I finally got brave enough to say it out loud, and I tried out my newest INSANE PLAN of adopting 3 more BIG kids to my volleyball parents/friends.  Most people would go,  "WHAT? are you nuts?" but this group, surrounded me with encouragement and love (probably talking about me all the way home,  "WAIT IS SHE NUTS?"  lol... not really but maybe.  But at that dinner, someone picked up our check and paid it.  WHAT?

It's everything.  I hope you hear the enormity of this blog.  I hope you understand why I am telling you this.  It's not to brag or to boast or say LOOK AT ME...its to say, even in my weakest moments, when I literally lay awake at night, wondering how in the world I am going to be able to take all this on and still be successful at work, still be close to my oldest children, still be a good daughter to my mom, still be a listening ear to my brother, still remember to feed the dog, still find the time to cut my hair and take care of myself two and one half minutes, and raise 7, SEVEN more kids to become exceptional adults...... it's the blessings that God rains, pours, blasts, down on me, that I recognize and say, with TEARS IN MY EYES...that was you, God.  

Here goes. 

Same person that picked up our check had offered a bed when the kids moved in.  Day comes, they don't bring that bed, they bring a BRAND NEW stinking bed with SHEETS, MATTRESS PAD and PILLOWS.  (and it wasn't stinking, that's the adjective I used to describe the STINKING THING)

But back up.   The Bunk Bed itself.  Another family had ordered it, didn't need it, and let me buy it for a song.  Blessing.   My two new giant sons are handier than pockets on a shirt and put that baby together for me in under an hour.   Blessing.

Gina had a blow out on the way to school in her car.  While I was in California.  No Bueno.  God orchestrated not only a neighbor to be DIRECTLY BEHIND HER, able to pick her up and take her to school, Gina knew exactly who to call to handle the thing, and BOOM, towed, new tire, back in action.   Did they let me pay??  Uhm, No. They did. Not.

Now.....

ANOTHER Friend texts me, "Hey I have two thunder tickets...you want?"   HELLO, DO YOU KNOW ME?  So I choose Zachary to accompany me.  He loses his mind.  TICKETS ARE STUPID GOOD.  I mean, no nose bleed for us, we can see them sweat.  And if this ISN"T ENOUGH, same tire friends, pulls strings and we get to go out on floor before game and actually stare at the players, like we live on the floor with them.  Paul George might have been just a little freaked out by the amount of interest we took in him.  Can't help it.  PLUS BACK PACK for zach, cool little bag for me and all kinds of goodies to take home.   WHAT?!  Blessing. 

Home front....

These kids can eat, now.  I mean.  I've had little vietnamese children that don't do too much damage to the portions during dinner, but that has GONE OUT OF THE WINDOW with the advent of the 6'5 16 year old and the 6'1 13 year old.  These boys can eat.  I can't even keep up with the amount of food I have been buying since they moved in.  I'm not exaggerating at all saying my food bill has tripled.  I can't.  keep.  Up.

So....one of my friends that lives here in Guthrie, messages me and tells me I'm on her heart to feed my family.  I tell her....ARE YOU SURE....it's not an easy task.   Well she has BOYS of her own, and brings us the BEST Roast and fixings on the planet, and we even had LEFTOVERS that Steven and Gina could tote to school.  SHUT UP.  So good.

Then she turns around and brings sloppy joe and mac and cheese and chips the next week and we eat two days on that!   BLESSING.

Gina had her senior night last night at OCS during the basketball game, and there she and I are, walking our happy selves out in front of ALL THE PEOPLE (oy vey, this is NOT my thing and I'm feeling SUPER comfortable about it, CAN YOU HEAR THE SARCASM), but I'm sitting down wrangling my children to get ready to leave when we are done, and a sweet gal turns around and says something like, "Don't think I'm a stalker, but I read your stuff and I work at Rose State and I think you should come get Gina a tour"...... weirdly earlier in the day I had reached out to an old friend that works there to pick her brain for all things Gina, and Whoa.... I think we might have a plan.  BLESSING.  

Nathan is 16, so that means they get a lot of wonderful benefits from the state and we have a $2500 car allowance that they will match (if he can ever quit spending his money and save it), so there is a good start on a car.  BLESSING.

Looks like Zach won't get into OCS this next year, because his grade is still at capacity, so I will only be having the sophomore Steven there next year.  I reached out to my friend that helped us with tuition this year, after really agonizing over asking again, because WHEN IS IT TOO MUCH? and God really spoke to me this morning as I have my quiet time (really early because there isn't much quiet time in this house, if you know what I'm saying) and HE prompted me to reach out to him, and sure enough, my dear friend is going to pick up his tab again this next year.   So my very incredible son can continue a journey few people get to experience.   BleSSING.

So many incredible BLESSINGS at work.  Phenomenal months, with sales over $100,000 for the last few months.  Just blows my mind.  Sold a MILLION dollars of preneed funerals last year.  One.  Million.  Dollars.  That's insane you guys.  Who has time to blow their nose, much less sell ONE MILLION DOLLARS in funerals?    Apparently, this blessed girl does.   I.  Just.  Can't.  Even.  Out.  Run.  the.  Blessings..

And then tonight, Gina walking into SWITCH, with the capacity carload I take EVERy sINglE LIVE LONG WEEK, because by GOLLY, these KIDS ARE GOING TO LOVE THEM SOME JESUS, and know all the best 70's songs, because we know how to JAM driving to and from the SWITCH...anyway I lose my train of thought here....oh yea, Gina.   Phone rings.  It's her senior sponsor.  Apparently 5 families aren't going to let GINA miss the SENIOR TRIP TO DISNEYWORLD and have pooled together to foot the bill that I could not FOOT and this lucky girl is heading to DISNEY WORLD in May with all her classmates.    Just Stop It. Now.  

Blessings.  

Some people would call it luck.  Several years ago, I wouldn't have credited God with these blessings, I would have said, "DANG I"M A LUCKY FELLER", but now I know who holds me in the palm of HIS loving hand, and I know who writes my story every day, and I know where all the blessings and the triumphs and who holds my tomorrows.   This is why I just do the thing.......

Because when you do the things God tells you to do, even though you feel ill equipped and unworthy of the task before you....God equips you and send you out on the battlefield.  

You just have to pick up the sword and go to battle. 

Because He is good, and He never lets you down.

And the Blessings.....well they just overwhelm you. 

My kids LOVE THIS song.  We listen to it in the car, we sing it in the house.. it may be our new anthem.  

Fear doesn't stand a chance when we stand in God's love.  

And the winner is.......

You guys.   When Gina was nominated for Homecoming Court, we were so honored!  I mean.

Come on. 

We have to find "The Dress", get the "Glam Squad" together...figure out a way to get her ready in a window of 45 minutes.    No stress AT ALL.

I don't even know WHY I stress about ANYTHING EVER anymore.

She constantly tells me,  "Mom, God HAS this". 

and I "know" that, but I don't resonate with it. 

GOD HAS THIS.

My #1 go-to girl, Johnelle Evans, kept me on track with lunch and accompanied me to the assembly, where Gina danced and shined and then competed in a sibling spaghetti challenge, with her brother. 

Oh guys. 

The plan after the girl's basketball game was to grab Gina, run her over to Stephanie Aynes's sister, Gina's house, where they would take her natural good looks and enhance them with ALL THE THINGS.  Gina was so pumped for this process.   Now a fun note is realizing Stephanie's sister's name is GINA also (Gina Marie) to be exact, so there was a bunch of "the other Gina" convo happening. 

BUT, before we get to the house of beauty....let's review ole Mom's antics.   You KNOW  it ain't a party, unless something "Laura'ish" happens.  If you were in the Edmond area last night, you know that it came a downpour of rain, hail and coldness about 7:30ish.   I was standing under the awning, outside at the gym at OCS, as I glumly surveyed my elements I was about to have to face.  I took my thin little over sweater I had on, OFF and put it over my head.  (sure, that will help) and dug in my purse for my keys.  I even thought, for a second, that she would look ok in her basketball clothes for the coronation.  I had strapped my purse over my shoulder and had my keys in my hand when a middle age boy walked by folding up an umbrella!   "Hey!" I found myself saying, "Do you know Gina Jackson?" I asked him, to his mom's reply "YES, I know her!" as the boy extricated himself from my clutches with humiliating speed, I turned to his mom, (With his umbrella I had snatched from his hands) and asked, "IhavetogogetGINAfromthebackdoorandfirstIhavetogetmyCarintheparkinglotandit'spouringandI'mscarylookingenoughandcanIuseyourumbrella?"  to her, "OF COURSE, GO, GO"
and as I struck out in the rain, it not only opened the gates of wrath from the sky, to add ultimate insult to injury, it started to HAIL.  The precious layer of goodness of umbrella vs that layer of complete tornadic activity SEEPED through the umbrella and my feet, shoes, legs, pants, skin, bone and bone marrow got SOAKED. 

I got in my Tahoe, sat there for a minute trying to catch my breath, and guess what?   It stopped.   S.T.O.P.P.E.D.  raining. 

God sets me up for entertainment value.  Makes for great stories for my friends. 

Gina comes out the back door, jumps in the car and off we go to the waiting Glam Squad.

53 minutes later, we walk back in like this.....

Gina's introduction
And 30 minutes later this happened..... and the rest they say .... is history.

THE WINNER IS....

When Dr. King announced Gina, we (both her and I) just pretty much sat there in stunned silence.  My kids went nuts around me,  Katelyn Magruder, (who came to help me cheer), Johnelle and Jon Evans (who paid Zachary $5 for going to the other side of the gym and retrieving Jon's umbrella from total strangers) (You guys....my life is a comedy show) None of them were surprised..... I think it took a solid 10 seconds for the words to soak to my medula oblongata, so I could conjure up a response. 

By the time it registered she won, Dr. King said a prayer for her and I had TURNED OFF THE VIDEO.

"Dear Lord......thank you for bringing Gina to OCS, Lord.  We are all better for knowing her."

Well, slap my face and call me Shirley.....that got me. 

Don't judge me in the pictures.  I was catching up and had walked through a tsumani.

And I'd do it again.

People say to me, all the time.  "what a miracle you have worked in this girl" and all I can say is, "What a miracle she worked in me".  We both saved each other.  She's made me more patient, more flexible, stretching my faith, working on me constantly.  If I'm having a bad day and everything is coming out of my mouth wrong, instead of correcting me, she just sniffs and says, "Well, I'm going to look at things a little more positively than mom right now" or "I've got to go to my room and get me some Jesus"  and it shuts me down.  She is my right hand, my helper, my cheerleader and my friend.  Seven years ago, I couldn't have said any of that, but with the grace of patience and a whole LOT of Jesus (for both of us, trust me) here we are, heading out the other side. 

Thank you Jesus, for bringing Gina (and her brothers) to my house, I am better for knowing her.

Amen. 

 

Leaving the Past Behind

WOW.  Did church hit me right in the gut again today.

I spent a whole bunch of years staring in the rear view mirror, despairing over my mistakes.  I told someone the other day, that I spent more time beating myself up over them, that I spent years thinking I was unworthy of God's grace.

Dumb.

God loves me.  God loves you.

He is working on me right now.  Pretty hard, intense and powerful.

I've been resistant to what He is putting before me.

SO RESISTANT.

But, my word for 2019 is OBEDIENCE. 

ACK, why did I choose that one?  Because God is calling me to be obedient in his calling.

I struggle with obedience.  I speed everywhere like my hair is on fire.  I do pretty much what I want, when I want.  But in 2019, I'm going to slow down and really be obedient.

I will clue everyone in the plans in a few weeks, as all the walls fall down.

Nothing about this life is easy, but walking in God's will has become the road I'm taking.  And boy, is He is a serious joker.  :O

This song undid me this morning.   Usually I get caught up in the billion word, and the rocks crying out in silence and I focus on that, but today, I heard it different.  If you gave your life to give me life, Lord, then I'm here.  Let me shine your love through my actions in 2019.

Give me strength and health to do your will, Lord.

That is my prayer.

Never Judge a Sweet Potato

November has come and gone, and I didn't take five minutes during the month to sit down and write about any of it.

Basically because I didn't have five minutes together at any one time.

But I'm not complaining.

Kip and Dawson were here for five glorious days and mercy, I just love that little boy and his mama.  I sure missed Brandon though.  It was weird not having him here.  There is so much to write about in November.  Brandon's parents and younger brother and sister in law, lost their homes in a fire in California.  It was tragic and sudden and left everyone in a state of shock.  I'm continuing to pray for them daily and the community as a whole.  What a devastating turn.

Life at the 81-81 has settled into a groove.  Other than arguing in the front room over Lord knows what, and missing the bus, life is pretty "normal", "average", "insane" on the whole.

And this blog came to me on Thanksgiving morning, as I grabbed the two bags of sweet potatoes that I purchased for the big meal of the year, and I was peeling them.

It simmered and cooked as I peeled (the blog that is) and I was like, "Whoa, I need to go write this down", and of course, started peeling russets 5 minutes later and promptly forgot.

10 days later I am volunteering at the Crescent food bank, and out of ALL the things one can do when one volunteers, I am put on.....you guessed it.....weeding through the sweet potatoes. 

I'm all.... "Ok, God.   I hear you."    So fast foward yet ANOTHER WEEK.....finally, here I am.

I'm all about the sweet potatoes.   I have loved them forever, and they are a big deal at the Thanksgiving meal.

So, I opened the bag of supposed yummy goodness and to my utter dismay, they were just AWFUL looking.   Hard, thick peel and lumpy, bumpy little roundness of CRAP.   All I could think as I surveyed these ridiculous excuse for sweet potatoes was,  "Oh NO--- there goes all the chances for my favorite part of the meal!"  I ripped the other bag open, and again!  Hardened, rough, misshapen little balls of crap. 

OH MY AMERICA.

So, I grab my peeler, say a little prayer and start the process of peeling.  The first potato gave me a run for my money, had to scrape quite a bit of layers to get to the sweet potato, but after a few good scrapes, boom.....sweet potato magic.

I kept peeling all these potatoes and no matter HOW ROUGH or HOW I thought I needed to toss them in the trash, the resounding truth rang out to  me.....  "They are all the same in the middle"

And WHOA.

All these kids.  They come to us so layered in pain.  Remembering Gina, how buried the Gina we all know and love now, was at the beginning of our journey together.  Watching her come into her own at a PRIVATE SCHOOL, and nominated for homecoming queen by her peers.   WHAT?  Remember that horrible, broken kid that almost tested me to my limits those early days?   How buried was her sweet potato inside?

And lately, watching Tyler's older brother Ted, chase his demons.  The Ted I know is a gentle giant.  The Ted I know held Deaton so carefully in his giant hands, and kissed the tiny face.  The Ted I know wept when his nephew was born.  The first to get a picture from his brother.  The Ted I know, gave his life to Christ in the symbol of baptism a few short months ago.

But Ted has layers and layers and layers and layers of self doubt, shame, despair, never believing he is worthy of goodness and grace.  Years and years of that pain.  I understand that pain to a degree.  I made mistakes in my past that robbed me of my self worth.  Many mistakes.  I went to church and sat in the pew, but I didn't feel worthy of God's love.   He wouldn't love me, He couldn't forgive me of the pain I had caused others.  And the more I let that sink into my believing, the farther away from God I became.

Satan is a liar.  He feeds on your fears.  He takes what you hold the most sacred and twists it into the horror of his own choosing.   AND ONLY WITH GOD, can we take Satan's power away. 

YOU CAN'T BELIEVE THE LIES.  Self doubt, pain, self loathing, that is the enemy robbing you of the life God wants for you.

Just like those sweet potatoes, we are willing to THROW IT AWAY, instead of peeling the layers -- by praying... by attending church.... by getting GODLY FRIENDS.....by believing that we ARE worthy of God's goodness and grace.

THERE IS NOTHING.  No amount of ugly sweet potato peeling, layers of guilt, layers of shame, layers of self doubt, self loathing that can KEEP US FROM GOD.

He LONGS for us.  He is up there, just waiting for us to call out to him.  To reach for him.  To surrender to Him.   And he doesn't see the layers, he only sees the sweetness inside.  And when you give that to Him, He will come in with the butter and brown sugar, and all the wonderful marshmallows on top, and start you fresh.

It doesn't matter about the outside.   He only cares about what's on the inside. 

Don't ask him where he is.......Ask Him to Come in. 

And to my friend, Teddy Bear Holt, you big giant sweet ball of goodness, lost in shame right now...this is for you.

I know what's inside and I don't even see the layers.  You are never too deep in to swim to the surface.  Just know God has the light on, and He's waiting for you.   Satan knows what a story you are going to share with so many people and change their lives.  You're a threat to Satan.  Don't give in to his lies.   Your family and friends believe in you.

Don't throw away a sweet potato because it looks iffy.  Peel the layers and enjoy the goodness.

God is Good, All the time.

Meeting Jackson

Jackson Lee was in the hospital 10 days.  He came home exactly on the day he would have come home, had he been born on the day he was scheduled for. 

Wow.  That's a mouthful.

I spent a lot of time at the nursery window, gazing at his perfection. 

Then on Sunday the 28th, Lacey text me and told me he had been off his oxygen for a few hours and was doing good.  By 1:30 am on Monday morning, he was in the room with them, and he did just great.

I kept Deaton this past weekend, so Dad could get some rest and after dropping DD to school on Monday morning, I headed to the hospital to meet my grandson. 

And he did not disappoint.  He woke up for his lolly and gazed me straight in the eyes.  Oh, my, goodness.   What friends we are going to be.  

3.5 oz of milk later (!!!!!!) we weighed him so we knew (Charli Hull did, our lactation specialist, WHO IS THE WOMAN) It was time for Mr Man to head to the snip snip department and lose all things manly.  

This little boy had so much done to him, that snip snip didn't even phase him.  Full belly, I'm out, no worries.  Didn't even flinch or cry.   He's the man. 

Then it was time to head to the house.  One tiny button in a car seat later, off we go to take him home.

He sleeps and sleeps and sleeps and sleeps and is so comfy cozy, he doesn't want to wake up.  This is a good problem to have, but buddy, let's save that sleepy stuff for night, k?

Daddy goes to get Deaton from school and we are so excited to have them meet.  

Deaton doesn't disappoint.....his precious little announcement after holding him.....

And everything is right with the world......

There's always a reason for delay friends.  There's always a reason you are kept waiting and waiting.  God's timing is perfect....don't think for a moment He's forgotten about you or forsaking you.   All the time spent at the hospital..... Not a day went by that Lacey wasn't able to share her story about Laynie and impact lives.  The hundreds of people beefing up their prayer lives praying for us daily....some of you hourly.   God wants us to live in a constant state of prayerfulness.  For years, I didn't even think that was a thing that could ever happen.   Just ridiculous to think about... Pray?  Constantly?  What?  Now I pray almost all day about everything.  God is front and center, right where He wants us to put Him.   And though I wanted Jackson to not feel anything painful or be in distress, I knew God had Him in His hands and loves that baby more than any of us can even understand.   His Plan Is Perfect.   It's not our plans, it's not our timing, and we love to stay in control so much, it's hard to put that down and realize, God has got it ALL FIGURED OUT.   Just enjoy the ride. 

This big brother adores his little brother.   Let the good times continue.........

God is Good, all the time.  

The World got a Tiny Bit Sweeter.... Jackson Lee is here

Friday October 19, after battling high blood pressure all week, Lacey's doc decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and have baby boy, to preempt any preeclampsia thing before it happened. 

After just going through this with Kip about 6 months ago, I was all for it, because the details of Kip's ordeal were still swimming in my head.   Plus, we all thought he was about 38 almost 39 weeks, so that's a good time.   And Deaton was a warrior, and had no issues after his c-section, so we are deliriously, ignorant to any of the things that sometimes come with a c-section.

The new women's unit at the Shawnee Hospital is just amazing.  I had Lacey there 34 years ago, and I would have given my left arm for such a nice room.  Holy COW.

They took Lacey in about 11:30 and Tyler got suited up and I had to laugh because these suits are really made for a 6 foot 7 frame.  Or size 14 feet.  He still got er dun, though.

Then a wonderful magical thing happened.   The charge nurse decided I could stay in the room and wait (Instead of going to the waiting room down the hall) and so I sat on pins and needles waiting for my picture from Tyler  (still wrapped up in the memory of how Deaton worked his way out).

12:00 ---   12:30 --  And I'm starting to get somewhat alarmed.   1:00 and I'm standing at the door of the room and it swings open and a nurse whisks by with the baby, and Tyler is right behind her.  I know that Lacey had wanted to have skin on skin immediately, so I knew something was up.   Tyler immediately texts me a picture and says  6 lbs 15 oz  born at 12:55.  20 3/4 inches long. 

And then in short order... this picture...

Though Lacey looks radiant as can be, I immediately notice that our baby doesn't have the coloring that Deaton  (or Dawson for that matter) had, and as the nurse walks in to start to prepare the room for Lacey, I start asking questions. 

Jackson Lee  (Can I hear some applause for that name?) is having trouble getting his breath, and he managed to gulp half of his amniotic fluid on his way out.  (I'm exaggerating, but watching him spit and sputter all day, it felt like a gallon).  So they've taken him to the nursery to give him some oxygen and really watch him closer.

Lacey comes back in and she is calm as a cucumber.   "It's all good mom, this is sometimes what c-section babies do... very very typical".   So I calm my nuggets down, and sit in the room and run back and forth from her room to the nursery window to take pics and to give her reports (and mainly for my own piece of mind).    NOTHING at this point is status quo.    NADA.

On one of my many trips to that window, I managed to catch this picture, and if I thought I had loved my son in law to the capacity to which I could love him, it was just a starter love.  This pushed me over the edge into infinity love.  He must have stood that way for an hour rubbing that little boy's head and talking to him and holding his feet and calming him.   Just tear up looking at it now. 

Meanwhile, mom is recovering excellent and is ready to see her baby.  They wheel her in her bed on her way to her room and let her take a look at baby doll.

Once settled in the room (And WOW these rooms are nice), the pediatrician shows up and tells her that he wants to start baby on more air and get an IV started to push some fluids and man, did I experience PTSD.    Lacey is so calm, and I'm not going to lie.... I could laugh and cry in the same sentence.   A bit like this.

So I went home, and pulled myself together, and remembered how incredible our prayer team is, and how good God is, and how EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THE THINGS...that EVER happen is always to our GOOD, even when it's NOT of our choosing.....I realized that the plan was already in place.  and we just had to lean into HIM and walk through it. 

Live with expectation...and faith....and knowledge that HIS WILL AND PLAN is perfect. 

I knew this.   I know this.   I understand this.... but, God... he's so small. 

"But Laura, I'm so BIG.  When will you EVER understand this??"

"I do, God, I do."

"Then trust me in all THINGS"

Pediatrician has determined he was younger than we thought.  Totally thrown off by his small hulk size  (Hello, look at his daddy and his grandpa), I believe he's more 36 weeks than 38... and the nurses say he acts and looks more like that also.

So, as Lacey likes to say, "We are on Jackson time".   And that's all right by me.   Thankfully the new wing has an 'Open door" policy, meaning even if mommy is discharged, if baby is there, mommy can stay.   Which is a blessing .... such a blessing.  He does much better when she is in there with him, and we got some SUPER cute pictures this morning, and oh my gosh, I am in LOVE with this little long sausage nugget. 

Finally brought Deaton up to meet him, and he was a bit puzzled,  "He's out, but he's not here??"  "Yep, buddy, that about sums it up."

Grammie Great drove over and peaked at him through the window.  I think #8 great grand is just as sweet as #1-7 were. 

Our funniest moment so far, was when they presented Lacey & Tyler with his footprints that they make and put on a neat little board and give to the family.   Lacey took one look and grabbed her "Belly pillow" to hold her incision and laughed and laughed and laughed.   She's all,  "I sure make extra special babies,  look at those feet, two different sizes"  and we LAUGHED so hard.  I still chuckle everytime I look at this.   And by the way,  His FEET ARE the same size.  Not sure how that worked out, but we love to laugh, so thanks for that respite.

The heart radiologist came down from OKC to take an echo of his heart, because his Saturation level isn't staying regular and they wanted to rule out anything heart related, and it all looked great.  His sats stay great when mommy is in there, they just tank out in tiny spurts and I am going to just believe that he's a tiny bit on the early side and when he is 13 and 6 foot 3 and all middle school angst and talking smack back to me about my "lame" questions, I will have forgotten all about how he began as a little bitty gum drop and I was laughing/crying/losing sleep worrying over his middle school self. 

But for now, I thank my warriors, my level headed daughter and my superb son in law.  I thank Lacey's dad and wife for tirelessly caring for the 3 year old crazy boy that wants to meet his "Bruther".   I thank all my friends that are praying, and taking Lacey food (if she sees anymore fast food, she may flip her stuff) and just holding us up in prayer.   We feel all of them.   Mainly, I praise God from whom all blessings flow, because Jackson Lee is a dream realized.   A warrior in the making.  Made in God's own image.  And I am standing in belief that he will be healed and heading home in a few days and the impression that our family made on people around us, by sharing our faith, and sharing Laynie's story again and again, and involving thousands in prayer, will change lives. 

God is good, all the time.  Because look at this little miracle. 

Jackson Lee Holt 

Hi mom.  You're my favorite.