Guatemalan Tears and Hope

Kip's squad has hit Central America this month, as they work into their 9th month.  They are spread out in 3 groups in Guatamala.   The men have gone one place (MANistry) and the woman have split into two groups and are working in different locales (WOMANisty).

It's been pretty quiet this month.  Not many pictures, not a ton of tweets, just a few pics here and there.

Of course I loved this one.  I can see Kip's eyes smiling and I just want to squeeze that little sweet peaches she is loving.  

And this pic of the "MEN" working hard cracked me up.  Every single guys face, their expressions their arms, their joy (NICK, with the arms, Francis holding his nose LOL), this is a world race classic.  

Then this past week, stuff starts showing up on pages, and blogs start coming on their pages... and I sat at work yesterday, reading and looking at this stuff, and just cried on and off all day.   I love doing that at work.  Makes them doubt my abilities as a salesperson.

This squad has been to the Phillipines, China, South Africa, Mozambique, Swaziland, Romania, Bulgaria and Serbia.  They have shared stories that made me laugh, made me cringe, and made me hurt.

But yesterday I cried.

"I'm waiting for God to show up in this place" ....  "It doesn't feel like God is here" ..... "I know HE can make miracles happen".

What these wonderfully loving awesome Children of God don't understand, is that in some of those places, they are GOD showing up.  They are His light, and His feet, and His HANDS.   They've gathered all this knowledge and wisdom and selfless attitude throughout the months of the race, where His presence was felt, and they've travelled into a place where there isn't much Christianity, so THEY are being the light.

Makes me so proud, makes me so humbled, to be able to watch these racers grow and be present for these lost souls.

Take time and read and watch these links I am sharing.  It is well worth the read, and you will need a kleenex for most of them.

Charlene's Blog   - Char is on Kip's team and is working with Kip and I believe 6 others at the Casa Jackson for Malnourished Children.   Kip had shared with me about the 12 year old, and my heart was broken.  Char's been working with him, and I loved her words.

Amanda's Blog -  Dada (as she is known) is the other women's team in Kip's circle that is working at the saddest place I have heard of.  Kip called it a "retirement" home, and I envisioned shuffleboard, cards, dominoes and naps.  No.  It's the last stop before you die.  These girls are magnificent....read this story.

Christin's Blog - Chrin is one of the squad leaders, and she is normally traveling the globe keeping up with all the teams.  So this month, she is parked in Antigua, working at the home with Dada.   Her words, and pictures, brought it all home for me.  Get a kleenex.

AND FROM THE GUYS....

Dusty's blog -  Dusty is one of the most faithful guy writers on the squad.  I can count on him to post pics, write blogs, talk to me on Facebook, make my daughter a cowboy hat out of a computer case for their hoe-down in Romania.  He is the man.   He also needs a haircut like no other.  He and a couple of other guys on the squad are on a quest to go 11in11 without shaving or haircuts.  They are starting to look like wildebeests.  Or bigfoot.   It's kind of a toss up.

Matt's video -  This is Matt's take on the Dump ministry and I loved his video.  I also loved the one immediately after it... Missionaries on their day off video, which made me laugh, and remember why I didn't have sons.  (Heart attacks)  He is a genius with video.

Chris' website -  I highly recommend just following Chris because he has the best photos I have ever seen (besides Kip's and I am prejudiced) and I love his heart.  He's been separated from Dada the last two weeks, and I'm thinking he is ready to get back to his bff.  Peruse through his entire site, it's worth the look.

and last but certainly NOT least is this....

Jessica's blog - this is a FUN blog and I loved her perspective ...  also she is a killer photographer and has chronicled the journey through a "Picture (s) a day" ..  just wander through her blog too... it is amazing.

What an experience, what a ride, what fun for all of us to share in these young people's journey.  I, know, I am forever changed with the words and the stories they share.

2 1/2 more months and the journey will end............but the memories will never be over.  For us, or all the people you touched on your world race.

God is good.....all the time.

First Kisses

I was reading through the Shawnee "What ever happened to"... page and ran across the name "Buck Myers".  Cracked me up.

He has the honor of being my first kiss back a few years ago.

I'll never forget spending my 16th summer with my Aunt Nancy and family in California, and my oldest cousin, Sherry, who was about 5 years my junior, questioning me about my love life and finding out about Buck.

Her exact words were..... "BUCK?  You liked and KISSED a guy name BUCK?"

Yep, Sherry, only in Oklahoma.

Plus the fact that he was the only boy in the world taller than me at that time.

Don't know why that cracked me up today, and felt the urge to share, but there you have it.  Ridiculous, weird random fact #1035 about Lolly......her first kiss was a dude named Buck.

What I love about Hallie

This kid is so funny.  She won't brush her teeth or fix her hair yet, but her heart is so big, it almost doesn't fit in her body.

She kind of hatched this Foster thing.  She's been talking for awhile that "Lacey has Kip.  Chaurley has Sammi. Corey has Jeremy.  Even Allie has Braden.  I've got no one."

I've been explaining to her how these kids probably aren't going to be in great moods and all spiffy wiffy when they roll in....  and she doesn't care.   "They just need a friend, mom".

We were surveying the second bedroom the other day and figuring out where furniture would go, and she decided, "I need to give up my room, it's bigger.  We could get more beds in there".   To my "How many kids do you think we need??"   "I don't know mom, how ever many need us.".

Wow.  I was a selfish beast at 13.  Truth be known, I was a selfish beast until like last year.  And here she is, giving up her room.

I hatched a good one.  I hatched three good ones.  Thank God for my daughters.  They are a treasure.

Amazing Grace

Dameon Aranda sang this song this morning at church, with his brother Gabe, and I have to tell you, we don't sing very many old standards at our church, and this was a "Moment" for me.

As the words penetrated my soul, I listened and felt them for the first time in my life, in a real and living translation, just sweep through my body.

Resonate with me....

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me.   

Do you know how lucky we are to have God's grace?  God, how SWEET your grace, because of your grace and your son, you SAVE a sinner wretch ....me

I once was lost, but now I'm found...

I was so lost, Father, and you restlessly pursued me, calling me, loving me, asking me back....

Was blind, but now I see. 

All You had to offer was there for me, and now through Your grace, I see the path you have set for me.

This precious little girl makes me tear up every time I hear her sing...she is just amazing. Read her story.

Rhema Marvanne's incredible story

Through many dangers, toils and snares...I have already come.


T'was Grace that brought me safe thus far...and Grace will lead me home.

On Mother's day and everyday, I'm thankful for God's grace.  

Choosing Joy

The other morning on the way to work, I was singing "Good Morning" with Mandisa (You cannot sing that song and not smile your face off).  And it hit me smack where my mama lives.   

I am joyful.

I am full of joy.

I am so incredibly full of joy.

That's huge for me.  Joy isn't an emotion that comes easily for me.  Always a worry wart, nervous nelly, and shopper on the misery aisle, Joy isn't something that I completely recognize.

But I recognized it, and of course, called Lacey.   "Lacey, do you feel it... are you feeling it?".... to her hesitant reply...."What am I feeling, mom?"  and I said  "JOY, aren't you HAPPY?" and she stopped for a minute and replied, "Yep, I really am."

It would be pretty easy to get down.  If I viewed a lot of the things going down around me, I could get burdened, backlogged and bewildered.  (That's a lot of b's)

But, I choose to see the glass half full.

Or.....full.

When you google "Joyful pictures" you find a bunch of people jumping.  So, apparently me and the girls were joyful before we even knew it.  

I think when you are living inside God's pocket, and listening to His will for your life, you can't help but have extreme joy.

Even in the struggles of the world.

Bubba scared 37 years off my life last night.  His blood pressure went off the charts and he ended up with Lacey in the ER, while Grammie, Hallie and I took the 55 minute drive to Mercy and cut it down to about 40.  They still don't know what caused him to spike off the chart and have the disorientation that comes from having a BP so high, but he will have some tests ran and we'll see what is up.

Joy.  II'm going to use Rick Warren's example of RR tracks here, and put it in my own weird way. Everyday you have two railroad tracks  ONE of LIFE (which has pain, despair, happiness, worry, regret, sadness, love, hate, sorrow and busy)....BUT running parallel with that train track is a track of your choosing.  You can choose to handle all that LIFE throws at you with doubt and uncertainty and small amount of fear, or you can CHOOSE joy and trust and Faith.  It's totally up to you what you put on that second track.  

Joy is a choice.  Choose wisely.

God is good, all the time. 

I've shared this video before, but it so rings true for this blog.  I want to live like that.  I want to be joyful and have God shine through me.  I choose Joy.

Rock, Hard Place, Me

I'm having heartburn.

Not the kind that a good ole Tums can cure, but the kind that makes your heart ache.

When I decided to take the leap of faith for fostering, I thought that it would be challenging, but fun.  Find an agency, get some training, get a kid and love them.

It would be a process, but it would be worth it.

I'm feeling somewhat defeated.  The list of rules you have to follow, the forms you fill out DAILY and the requirements and requirements and requirements.

For.the.love.of.rules.

You that know me well, knows that my philosophy of life is "We made it through the day and no one died, so it's a good day".  I have trouble with structure and rules.  I like pancakes for dinner.  I like to sit in my backyard with the bb gun and maybe or maybe not shoot bb's at those big ugly mean black birds that torture my precious little birds that try to have their babies in my trees.  I like to go to church when I want to and stay all day at every service.  I forget to clock in and out of work, usually every other day.  I forget to put my appointments in my sales program at work.  I live on the edge.

It's where I roll.

BUT, it's not where this system rolls.  I understand now why so many people get defeated and just give up.  There is nothing easy in doing good.

The enemy is working hard to make me feel like I can't do this deal.  The self-doubt is OVERWHELMING me.   "I'm not equipped for a kid with special needs.  I can barely take care of Hallie & I on my income.  I can't find childcare that cheap.  How can I find childcare for a pre-teen and not let them feel ridiculous.  How can I do this?  How will I EVER fill out DAILY forms??"

So pray for me friends.  As much as I want to do this deal, I may not be equipped to do it.   Pray me through it.... I know you can.

God is good, and He will guide me.

Fostering some Love

I don't know about you, but I don't know if I was just apathetic or too busy with my own stuff to listen to the plight of the foster system.

Oh, I gave gifts at Christmas.  I shopped for Foster children, and I was hands on.  I walked in the mile walk and donated 2 little suitcases.  I see foster kids in and out of my class at church, and marvel at the foster parents, how together they are to have 9 children in their home.

God has been moving in my heart in a BIG way.

It started out as me thinking I wanted to be a Court Appointed Special Advocate (CASA)  (which in reality it should be Court appointed Children's Advocate, but who would want to be a CACA?)  so it's called Special advocate... and I went to ALL the training (4 weeks of that), and ended up stepping out.  Because God is calling me to foster.

I've talked to Hallie and she is pumped.  I was worried how she would feel about another kid in the house, and she is really excited about it..  "Just think mom, if we get a 10 year, she'll go in with all the 2nd generation of my friends"  (little sisters of friends right now)...so she is stoked.

She doesn't realize that these kids come to your house broken.  Sad, empty, sometimes abused, both physically and sexually, and sometimes just so emotionally beaten, they can't even comprehend love.

Also, there are currently over 8000 (I KNOW!~) kids in the system right now.  8000 kids.  And the shelters are packed, the group homes are packed, there is no way these kids are getting the love they need and deserve.  I can't sit idly by anymore, and just watch tv, and be lazy.  God commands us to serve, and I cannot think of a better use of energy than to help a child.  None.

We went to a foster workshop yesterday at church, and I found tears rolling down my cheeks as I listened to foster parent, after foster parent, share their story.  And an 18 year old that stood up and shared her story, that after 13 foster homes in 5 years, she finally found her "Forever Home".

I looked online just out of curiosity, and I was horrified to see pages and pages of pictures of children, older children, like a dating site for prospective parents.  You go and look at them and read about them, and then attend an "Adoption picnic", where the kids are basically on display and you walk through and look at them. I can't think of anything more heart-rending than watching all those people walk by and you are left behind.  Shattering.  I, for one, would love to think of a better way to do things, but I know there are people out there, like me, that have time, and energy and could foster some kids, and bring love and hope into their lives.

The thing that still springs to mind today..the foster parents sharing... "They come late at night, with just the clothes on their backs, and their hearts totally broken."   These children did nothing wrong.  They were victims of being born into substance abuse, parental abuse, cycles of poverty, that they have no control over.  And they are, by all accounts, stripped from the only homes they have ever known.

My heart is broken.

I don't have a lot of room in my tiny 1200 sq foot house, but I have room in my 1,000,000 square foot heart, so we are going to do this thing.   I've started researching agencies, and I'm going to go to therapeutic training for these kids.  I want to give them everything they need.  Love, shelter, love, food, love, help, consistency, fun, love, Hallie, love, their own space, love and God.  And I'm giving it over to God to figure out all the tiny details, because He will.  He's got me totally covered.

So pray for us.... as we begin this new season.  As I'm going to Haiti with Lacey first week of June, I'm hoping to have most of my training accomplished before I go, so I can get the wheels turning when I get back.

Hallie listened to all the speakers and she leaned over and said, "We're going to end up with 12 kids, aren't we?"  And I chuckled, because only God knows that one.

And He is good.